Oh really? So this is how it is? Cool.

So, tonight, as I was rearranging my friends on my personal list, so that I can post my blog on my personal page to specific people, I noticed I was missing a friend. Odd. I go up to the search bar, I slowly start typing in the name.... nothing. Not even a "Oh, he was being a dick and unfriended you." I flip over to the profile I use to run the page, and type the name in again. BAM! There he is. Really?? Are you fucking kidding me?? You BLOCKED me??? OH MY MOTHER FUCK ME!

What is it? Did you read the blog and realize I wasn't sitting here waiting like a good girl?? Hoping and praying that you would pick me over her?? Fuck that. We both know I am too bad assed to twiddle my thumbs over you. I wasted a year of my life waiting on someone to decide what the fuck they were doing. And it was 11 months and 2 weeks too gotdamn long. I wasn't about to wait on you. As soon as I heard it in your voice that you weren't done with her, I was moving on.
Did you read the blog and realize that there was someone else on my radar? Go fuck yourself. For real. Not like you weren't fucking her the whole damn time you were talking to me.
We've known each other for more than half our lives. Are you seriously going to treat me like this?? Jesus fuck, grow the fuck up.
Or the most realistically, did she realize you fucked me? Did she figure out that you'd FINALLY tagged it, and now her insecurities have forced you to remove me from your life?? Well, look honey... If you weren't done with her... you shouldn't have fucked me. And since you did fuck me, you shouldn't have been hiding it. You aren't really pimp honey, you shouldn't have tried to be. You obviously can't pull it off... So for future reference, don't try it. Stick with the sensitive, emo boy routine. You can't pull off pimp. You should let her read this blog, cause fer realz, I've been off that... Ever since I smelled a True Alpha, and been tryina be on THAT.

If you are makin shit work with her, good for you. You coulda just said "Hey, Sniffles, I think I am going to put everything into her. That's where I am going to be." You know what I woulda said?? "Cool, you do you. I wasn't sure if I was feelin this or not anyways. I was kinda thinkin about tryina get with this one..." I wish you all the luck in the world.... I'm not being catty, and I am not being childish, but you won't be happy with her. She's too young, you say that all the time... You want someone to take care of you. Baby you when you are sick, and coddle you when you are upset. Nothing wrong with that... nothing at all. Do you think she's going to start doing it now?? It's been two years or a touch more, she hasn't been there to do it yet.... what makes you think she's going to start now?? Jus' sayin'.

I am angry, and I would love to put your shit on blast. But I won't. I am a grown up. I am not mad that you want to make it work with her. I am mad that yet again, you don't respect me enough to open your fucking mouth and talk to me like an adult. I am mad that you treated me like some love sick teenaged girl. Baby, you got life FUCKED UP! You don't have it like that. Not anymore. Don't crawl back when shit falls apart and you realize she's not enough. I won't be here. No matter if someone else has swept me away, or if I am still livin the single life, it's not going to matter, I'm cool on having you in my life.

Just know, you will always be The Boy... The Boy who lost. The Boy who couldn't pull it out and be someone honest. The Boy who will never have his best friend again. I wanted us to be friends. I really did. I wanted to always have you as a friend. No matter what happened with if we worked or if we just fucked around or what have you. Guess I thought you were more mature than that. I've been wrong before, I will probably be wrong again... It's all good.

..... Maybe Rí will be the man you couldn't be. Cause

I.AM.DONE.SON!!

..V, 

Deuced up.

To the girl... I don't know what the deal is between the two of you, and right now I don't really care. He said you bounced, I pounced. I put it down, and I lost interest. I'm already off that, so you do what you do... I couldn't and wouldn't give another fuck.

*BSWK*

Rí

I don't think I am a strong woman. Intelligent, a little. Mouthy and opinionated, absolutely. Strong, notsomuch. Many of my friends think I am, and tell me I am. But in reality, I see myself as just lil ole me. I do know one thing... I need a strong person to stand next to me. I am a handful. I know this. I am spoiled and bitchy and have no problem fighting against someone who expects me to do this, that or the other thing. I prefer to move when I want, and *I* am the bossy one. It's hard to find someone who knows how to work around that.

Some guys try to be alpha dog, most times, this act is met with AlphaBitch. She is the one that will break your balls for the giggle of it. Maybe it's how they come off with it. When they literally come at me with the "I am the Alpha, you will bow to me." Yeah, not going to happen sweetheart. I am going to flaunt everything you know you want and when I give you tastes, it's only going to be enough to make you fall in love. That way, when I break yo' ass, you will definitely know what ALPHA means. AlphaBitch is the maneater, she don't give a fuck about you and where you THINK you fit on the food chain. SHE is the top fuckin dawg, and will sit your puppy ass on the porch while she runs the neighborhood. She does it cause she fuckin can, and because she has FUN while doing it. It's to prove a point, point being DON'T.FUCK.WITH.ME. People get shit twisted, and they think because I am little and sweet they can make me do as they say. Psshhaawww riiiiiiiiiiight. I don't care how good looking you are, or how smart you are. Your cock could be dipped in gold and diamond encrusted, and I will STILL use and abuse you and walk away throwin up the two's, while you are laying there in a pool of tears beggin me to stay.

But on RARE occasions, there's that guy... that one guy who is Alpha. True Alpha... he doesn't have to say it, you can SMELL it on him. THAT gets me hot. This alpha is a panty drencher. He's the one you have to be careful playing cat and mouse with. If you mouse too long, he's disinterested. If you don't mouse long enough, you become a cumdumpster for a night and he's the one with deuces up while you're shaking and scratchin like a junkie. I have, fortunately, never been smacked down like this. But I have seen some of the baddest bitches I know become king-junkies.

Right now, I only know of one true Alpha. I keep him at arm's length... at least I try to. Rí is about thisclose to makin me a wanton bitch. I can't fuckin help it. Out of the many guys I know, he's the only one I can say, without a doubt, has a hope of handling me. I thought there were others, but after some time and some thought... I realized the ones I thought were kings among men, were nothing more than peasants dressed above their stations. Rí, on the other hand, is an unassuming guy. Just a regular joe on the surface, but after one decent conversation with him, I knew I would have him. For an hour, for one night, for a while, for the rest of my life... one way or another... I would claim him. I don't just mean physically, or emotionally. I want to steal a piece of him. I want to imprint me on him somewhere, I want to randomly pop in his head. I want him just as wet for me as I am for him.

When the realization hits that 'THIS GUY' isn't what I want/need/thought, I always go back to lusting after Rí. That should've told me something, but in true me fashion, I ignored and just lusted. Until this thing about The Boy, then I put some thought into Rí. LOTS of thought, and some fantasy, and a few pretty hot writhing sessions under my own hand. And I brought it up to a few friends, then I actually started talking about maybe just maybe....

A few guys in my life, say he's got something for me. My brother says it's feelings. Basically they all think he's already wet for me. A few of my female friends say he's twisted, but he doesn't trust me, and that I need to just lay it out there how I feel. But really?? Rí is the kind of guy that would laugh, fuck with my head, and make me a king-junkie. Why would I want to catch someone like that?? You just don't get it do you?? The fact that he could seriously have the power to fuck with my head, and possibly hurt me, intrigues me. He is T-R-O-U-B-L-E devilish smile and all. I don't want hurt, no one wants that. There's some cliche that fits here but right now I am thinking of his hands pressing me into him. Forgive me for being a little brain dead in that aspect.

I wish I knew what it was about him that makes me want to bow. I want to submit to him, let him have his way. I want him to be the one to break me. I want to be the one to break him. I want this craving to be slaked, to know that I won't go hungry, I will finally be sated. I need someone strong enough to hold me down, someone serious enough to balance my silly, but someone soft enough to kiss my forehead and let me nuzzle my face into them when I am scared, and funny enough to keep me laughin. Rí is the guy I asked Santa for. He just doesn't realize it. And if he would just say he was interested in something with me, he would have no reason to not trust me. I may be slutty, I may flirt and put it out there that I am play on playa playa (I am pimp) but for Rí, I would be girl next door when it came to that. I am loyal to a fault when it's reciprocated.

There is a time and a place to have this kind of fun... but when there is a possibility of something, you cowgirl up. I've been single for a long time. I am terrified of anything more than a steady piece, but I would brave it for Rí. I wish I could tell him that. Honestly I probably coulda blasted his name out on here, cause I don't think he reads my blog like I'd like him to. Or maybe he does, maybe he is that into me, and I am just being stupid. I don't fuckin know anymore. I am a touch old school and I think the guy should be the one to put himself out there first. I've been through a lot in the past almost two years, and I'll be damned if I put myself out there to be told "Sorry, but you just aren't what I am looking for... we can stay friends tho." Buuuuuuullllll fuckin shit. I don't get friend zoned. I'll be gotdamned. I am everything that could make this guy happy. I just need to figure out how to get him to see it too. Fucked up thing is, I want to do it honest. No games, no bullshit, no faux coy chess moves, just being me. Just plain lil ole me.

Because that's all I am... under all of it... Just lil ole me.
*BSWK*

Ba mhaith liom cad nach féidir liom a bheith acu.

Catch me in the emerald rolling hills.

Snatch my breath away with a kiss deep enough to touch my soul.

Under the pregnant moon, pin me against ageless stone.

Hands, running over skin, soft moans escaping both of us.

Can you hear me beg over the crash of the waves?

Gortaítear dom. 

It sounds like thunder, was that a flash of lightening? 

Make me scream like a bean sidhe. 

There is urgency, I am starting to ache.

Run your tongue over me, can you taste the sweat mixed with the rain?

I will cling to you, your hands in my hair.

Want a líonadh dom.

Make me arch, make me whimper.

Whisper your demands to me, soft and low against my ear.

Lift me up, back to the wall.

A Celtic séis plays in my mind.

Haunting and beautiful like this moment.

A bheith ar mo rí.

I am banríon na drúis.

In this, our time, possess me. 

Own me. Need me.

Claim all that is yours.

Lips swollen, crushed under a biting kiss.

Tabhair dom an domhain

My own orgasm cried out in offering to the old gods.

Again, and again, like the rolling ocean at the bottom of the cliff.

We've endured the raging storm, the thunder fading.

Still tangled, braced against the wall, a final thrust, deeper, more intrusive.

Beidh mé bogha

Tionchar an-mhór dom, a chosaint dom, ghrá dom.

~The Slut

*BSWK*

Dear Santa,

Since comin up on the Fuxmas season... I thought it prudent to write you a quick note letting you know what it is my heart really desires for this Gimme Gimme Holiday.

First off, I would love a beautiful condo in an affluent area, preferably a gated community. I want at least three stories, with a rumpus room in the basement. Four bedrooms (so what if it's just me and Buh? I can throw some EPIC parties and need the room.) at least three and a half bathrooms, formal living room, and an eat in kitchen. I want completely decorated to my personal chic tastes. This includes heated bathroom floors, fireplaces, a bearskin rug (I don't care, it's a fantasy), a master en suite big enough to dance in, among other things. Oh and a formal dining room so I can have fahncy dinnah pahtays.

To park in the two car garage I want a '68 Chevelle SS 396, black with a white pin stripe. I want that bitch to purr like a tiger when running. I also require a hot, hard bodied gear head to teach me how to do the upkeep on said beast. I don't mind gettin dirty for something that pretty. I also request a fully loaded '11 Lincoln Navigator. When I say loaded, I mean LOADED, game systems and tinted windows and erreythin. I want this also black, with shiny chrome and a supple tan leather interior. Need some pimp wheels.

I am also putting on this list a job in that can support a lifestyle I would love to become accustomed to. Requirements of this job are that I do as little as possible for as much bank as imaginable. If playing on Facebook, blogging, talking on the phone, and hanging out can make me stacks, THAT is the job I was born to do. I basically need a steak and lobster income doing a food stamps job.

A few small miscellaneous plastic surgeries, for the sheer vanity of it. Namely a tummy tuck to rid myself of these stretch marks. I don't care what Kat Williams says, I have to look at them and they AIN'T cute. Yes, they are from weighing 102 pounds and blowing up to over 160 in less than a year then in one afternoon going back down to 120. Childbirth, the most effective way to FUCK.YOUR.BODY.UP.

Finally, I would like to find me a steady piece. One that is tall, broad, decent looking, makes his own money and can fuck me whenever I please. I want him to be a little jealous, a little possessive, intelligent, and strong enough to keep me in check. I want him to not be scared to fight with me, but not overbearing. I want him to be a man's man, but still watch me when he thinks I am not looking. I want his soft sentimental moments to be a candy sweet surprise, savored and good enough to be rewarded with big sloppy wet kisses of the variety that will please and appease. I want him to want me like he needs air, but be chill enough to not rush any kind of relationship. I don't want him to want to even label anything that's going on. Just let shit happen. I don't want to have to beg for attention, but I don't want smothered. I want him to be my friend, and my confidante, but not expect to know every little thing that happens... On the other hand, if I decide to inform him of everything, I want him to take that information and just listen, advise if I request. Santa, I'm not asking for a boyfriend, I'm not asking for a future husband, I'm just askin for a damn good benny. I don't think it's too much to ask for... Just someone who wants to relax and have fun with me. If something happens..... down the road, that is, BET. But not for a grip.

I know I wasn't the best girl on the list, and there were more times than not that I ended up on the Naughty List. But I promise, if you bring me these few small things, I will never ever ask for another thing! And if I never ask for another thing, it won't really matter which list I am on. Right? I will never bother you or your elves again. I would even be willing to fly to North Pole to put in some hours of hard slave labor... ::wink wink::

*BSWK*
Thanks in Advance Santa,
Your ever loving Slut.

Jealous Much??

Yes, I may be a little weird. I enjoy when someone is possessive and jealous because I am paying attention to someone else. I find it heartwarming and fuckin hella funny. Watch that stalker box, see who I am commenting... follow me... Yes my boy, do this. Then try to glean information from it. Am I fucking him?? Hmmm... I am not sure this is any of your business. If I want to, I will. HAVE I fucked him?? That's adorable. Also, none of your business. But if I did, it would probably make it easier to do it again.... dontchathink? Are you nervous? Does he pose a threat to you?? I would LOVE to know why you are concerned about him. I don't really talk about him when I talk to you. I mean, I do in passing. But do I sound rapturous when I do? Do I sound lovesick? I don't think I do, until you bring it up. Then I make him sound like Prince Charming because that's what you want me to do.

Yeah, I am pretty fuckin sure I could fuck him if I wanted. I might have to wait for the opportunity, both of us available, and in need... but yeah, he finds me attractive... and he ain't half bad. Oh shit. THAT'S what it is isn't it?? He's the right body type.... He's bigger than you. And you know I like that. D'awwwh. That's cute. Big boys make you feel inferior with me. You can't grow another 3 inches, and you freak when I tell you to put on some weight. I'm sorry sweetheart, I like when my guys are all big boys. It makes them intimidating to other guys who think they might be able to get the drop on me.

I'm not afraid of him hurting me... it's like I said... The only way he would hurt me is if I was bent over beggin him to smack my ass and pull my hair. Then he would oblige. Other than that, he's not going to hurt me. He has no reason to, he's not a douche. A jerk, yes. But all my 'big scary guy friends' are jerks. Hilarious, good guy under the asshole veneer, jerks. It's the only way I roll.

Even if I am/was/plan on fucking him on the regular, it's not your business... YOU aren't fucking me. YOU aren't my boyfriend. YOU are fucking someone else right now. So really, the bed I am writhing in has nothing to do with you. Are you scared someone else is getting their mind blown? It's a definite possibility someone else is knockin the bottom out. I never played like I was going to ONLY be with you. I am honest, I have needs, I need sex like I need air baby. If you aren't going to do it... there are others waiting in line. I am too cute to fuckin wait on you to decide if you want me or not. Maybe you should take a look at that jealousy and realize that you already know what a fuckin catch I am... and either do something about it or stop letting it bother you...

Because if you keep letting it bother you... I am going to keep making it look worse and worse, all the while giggling about how sprung you are.

Cause that's also how I roll.
*BSWK*

Secret Admirer

I didn't write this... It was written for me.... I really liked it so I figured I would share it... Maybe I will luck out and the writer behind it will come forward. *sigh*

A beauty, we met but once
Our eyes glanced unknowingly,
yet with a slight glint of the familiar.

You didn't know me, but you came to me
Your hand extended, greeting with a smile
Introductions, our skin touched.

In a moment I knew you, everything
lips upon your neck, you shivered
Embracing the caress of my hand, wanting.

Encumbered no more, with silk or satin
we lay unashamed, together, sweat waiting.
Fingertips trace my desire around your breast.

Intensity builds, like a fire first kindled, consumes.
Arching back, like a bridge waiting to be crossed,
skin stretched taught against an onslaught of lashings.

Overwhelmed, wet as if the rain itself was pounding
Drowning in a storm, lost in a sea, orgasmic.
Floating now upon rolling waves of contentment...

In a moment we are there together, passionate.
I knew it the moment we touched, together,
this vision, third eye opened by your gentle touch.....

Color me Confused

Get off me, I like being colored different emotions. It sounds more fun than just BEING confused. Almost like I stood there and let someone paint me in a different light, and I feel the paint as an emotion. Doesn't that sound divine?? I think it does.

I really am just ready to throw every hope I had for The Boy out the window. I kinda feel like I am just being pulled along, kept on the burner until he sees where things are with him and her. I thought for sure that I wouldn't care about him string'n me. I specifically recall a conversation I had with Ass, it was awhile ago and The Boy was still very spoken for. He'd asked me if I trusted The Boy to not string me, and I said "Yeah, but no. I think he's already strung me. Scary enough, I think I am okay with it." Ass laughed at me, and told me I was going to get hurt. We both abide by the ideology that if you catch feelings, it's as bad as catching clap. I caught feelings. I know I did. It's not as bad as it could be, but the point is I caught 'em. So it kinda hurts with the back and forth. I hate not knowing where I stand. I am about one misstep from finding someone else to crush on. Seriously.

My main issue is that I have a raging sex drive. To the point that I have even named it. I call her Queen Lillith. Because she's all about never being sated, always rampaging, always devouring. If I *did* act on every time she needed fed, I would be in bed 24/7... or on a counter, in a car, in the shower, in the front yard, at the mall, in the middle of the street, basically once I was done, I would be revved for AGAIN! I have a hard time finding someone who can keep up. They all talk a damn good game, but they fuck a few times then are done, or we just aren't compatible to be around each other much. I think that's a big reason I want a steady guy. That way I am only hurting ONE person with dehydration, exhaustion and starvation. (I'll feed him well... but I don't think he'll ever really fill up on it.) That and all the set up is already done, and all I have to do is say "Hai... Wanna?"

But I am tired of being told one thing one moment then something different the next. I've been there, done that... and I am cool on doin it again. Told "We're done, we're over." then statuses posted "Spending time with SOS <3" Seriously?? Wow. Aight. Good thing I didn't go all out and really put myself into what I was feelin for you. Ten to one baby, she's going to pull this shit again. And you're going to realize that I really was everything you'd hoped she'd be. Yes, I hid parts of me from you. I do to every guy I am interested in. It sounds like game when I put those things out there. But truthfully, I am that girl who strives to take care of the ones she loves. Dinner on the table, back rubs after a hard days' work, homemade chicken noodlie soup when you're sick... That's me when I'm treated right. No, I didn't tell you that about me... why the fuck would I?? First off you should know that already. Second, we both know that had I put that out there, you would have thought I was runnin a game and would have ignored it. So I didn't put it out there.

So now I need to find a new object to lust after, because I am not being put on the back burner for anyone. No matter how long I have known them, no matter how good looking they are, no matter how much money they make. I'll be damned. I am an amazing person. I have a warm heart and I want nothing more than to have someone to take care of. But if I can't find exactly what I want... I am perfectly okay with being single. I refuse to settle.

Well... I am playing Words with Friends and getting STOMPED by Ass. I need to pay better attention.

*BSWK*