Fuck it all. Fuck the bullshit, fuck the shit talkers, fuck this life. Fuck those who think they know, and fuck those who try to speak gospel when they don't know a Bible from a dictionary. Sick of this, sick of all of it. Fuck it all. Fuck the people who claim they love me and watch me crawl through hell. Fuck the haters. Fuck the clouds bringing the snow. Fuck the non existent family who act like they all have it worse. Fuck the dumb shit. Fuck doing this alone. Fuck doing this with someone. Fuck this life. Fuck it all. Fuck having nothing. Fuck struggling anymore. Fuck fighting for anything anymore. Fuck this shit. Fuck crying myself to sleep every god damn night. Fuck wishing I could be a druggie so I could be numb. Fuck being looked down on. Fuck being segregated from civilization. Fuck being bound and gagged without an orgasm. Fuck not being able to see the silver lining because everyone else's negativity. Fuck being everyone's positiveness when no one is there to be mine. Fuck the liars. Fuck the ones who don't tell the whole truth. Fuck those who twist the truth to fit themselves. Fuck life without my mom to cry to. Fuck having all this anger boxed up inside me wrapped in pretty paper with a cute bow on top. Fuck idiots, pacifists, activists, and brainiacs. Fuck all of it. Fuck this life. Fuck being stuck on the back burner because I'm not good enough, fuck being left out because I am different. Fuck being treated like a burden. Fuck this shit.
That is all.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Size Queen
So, a few nights ago I was doin a bunch of research to have some information to discuss of the page. I had decided that I was going to do a night of dicks- mostly dick sizes and the myths and facts about size. *THIS* is the interesting things I learned, and what it translates into to me....
Let's start with 'average' size. According to Wiki "While results vary across studies, the consensus is that the mean human penis is approximately 12.9–15 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length with a 95% confidence interval of (10.7 cm, 19.1 cm) (or, equivalently, 4.23 in, 7.53 in). The consensus on typical circumference is 12.3 cm (4.85 in), requiring a diameter of roughly 3.9 cm (1.54 in) when fully erect." While a world wide study found that national averages swing between 3.75" to almost 6.5" in length only. So basically... the average is a number that no one knows. But they all seem to agree that 7" or more is above average.
What this means to me.... Some of you would have to fuck me harder than others would. You might have to use some other tricks to keep me going, because sex isn't ALL penetration for women. So, if you know you are packin a smaller chicken to choke than the guy with the family pack... Remember you have a soft, warm, wet thing you keep in your mouth. USE IT!!! Make sure you pay attention to her, lots of girls don't get shy when fuckin and will TELL YOU what the fuck you are supposed to be doin at that moment.... "Hit me. Spank me. Pull my hair. Call me a slut. Bite me. DeeperHarderFasterMore." Some do get shy, then you have to pay attention to her breathing, how she's moving, the look on her face (if you can see it.) Touch her, kiss her, RAVISH her. I've been with a few smallish guys who tricked me into thinking they were closer to the bigger end of average than they honestly were. The sex was just *that good* that I didn't pay close attention to the size at the time. Yeah, it's possible. Guys who don't try to make it feel good, and aren't back breakers... *YOU* are the reason girls like me say 'size matters.'
See... if guys would pay more attention to the girl gettin her nut, she would be less likely to dog your ass out when you split up. Jus sayin. And girls, as a whole tend to over look things about how good a guy is in bed while they are together, if you are fulfilling her other ways, she will ignore that you are the worst lay ever. But it doesn't matter how good of a boyfriend you are, if you suck in bed, and you break up... she's putting your shit on blast. So, put some EFFORT into being a good lover. Don't be a lazy fuck.
Another interesting fact I found was that homosexual men are on average larger than heterosexual men. Fuckin figures. Why is it every time we turn around gay men are more and more what we want as women?? Just kidding. I like having a guy who doesn't envy me for how big my balls are. But I thought it was interesting.
Another big fuckin debate going on is circumcision. Guys who aren't bitching about guys who are, some guys who are crying about feeling robbed. Chicks bitching about both sides. But listen... this is the low down on that... I have a son. I did have him snipped. I did it because it's EASIER. Boys are lazy, and they go through a phase where it's okay to stink and not shower. ICK. I don't regret my choice. Neither does my kid. I did what's best, like it or not.
As for being a woman in the bedroom, It doesn't really feel any different either way... at least not to me. Especially, as was eloquently brought up on the forum, if you WEAR A CONDOM! Which should never be a second thought. The only time you should be without a condom is when you are married!!! Anylaid, the bottom line is, most women don't want a dirty cock in their mouth, or anywhere else for that matter. If you AREN'T circ'd make sure you wash your shit!! Nothing grosser than gettin ready to gobble the goods and it's got funk wafting off it.
So... Just think about these things, do with it whatever you want... It's just some Slut's opinion. But I will leave you with this....
*BSWK*
Let's start with 'average' size. According to Wiki "While results vary across studies, the consensus is that the mean human penis is approximately 12.9–15 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length with a 95% confidence interval of (10.7 cm, 19.1 cm) (or, equivalently, 4.23 in, 7.53 in). The consensus on typical circumference is 12.3 cm (4.85 in), requiring a diameter of roughly 3.9 cm (1.54 in) when fully erect." While a world wide study found that national averages swing between 3.75" to almost 6.5" in length only. So basically... the average is a number that no one knows. But they all seem to agree that 7" or more is above average.
What this means to me.... Some of you would have to fuck me harder than others would. You might have to use some other tricks to keep me going, because sex isn't ALL penetration for women. So, if you know you are packin a smaller chicken to choke than the guy with the family pack... Remember you have a soft, warm, wet thing you keep in your mouth. USE IT!!! Make sure you pay attention to her, lots of girls don't get shy when fuckin and will TELL YOU what the fuck you are supposed to be doin at that moment.... "Hit me. Spank me. Pull my hair. Call me a slut. Bite me. DeeperHarderFasterMore." Some do get shy, then you have to pay attention to her breathing, how she's moving, the look on her face (if you can see it.) Touch her, kiss her, RAVISH her. I've been with a few smallish guys who tricked me into thinking they were closer to the bigger end of average than they honestly were. The sex was just *that good* that I didn't pay close attention to the size at the time. Yeah, it's possible. Guys who don't try to make it feel good, and aren't back breakers... *YOU* are the reason girls like me say 'size matters.'
See... if guys would pay more attention to the girl gettin her nut, she would be less likely to dog your ass out when you split up. Jus sayin. And girls, as a whole tend to over look things about how good a guy is in bed while they are together, if you are fulfilling her other ways, she will ignore that you are the worst lay ever. But it doesn't matter how good of a boyfriend you are, if you suck in bed, and you break up... she's putting your shit on blast. So, put some EFFORT into being a good lover. Don't be a lazy fuck.
Another interesting fact I found was that homosexual men are on average larger than heterosexual men. Fuckin figures. Why is it every time we turn around gay men are more and more what we want as women?? Just kidding. I like having a guy who doesn't envy me for how big my balls are. But I thought it was interesting.
Another big fuckin debate going on is circumcision. Guys who aren't bitching about guys who are, some guys who are crying about feeling robbed. Chicks bitching about both sides. But listen... this is the low down on that... I have a son. I did have him snipped. I did it because it's EASIER. Boys are lazy, and they go through a phase where it's okay to stink and not shower. ICK. I don't regret my choice. Neither does my kid. I did what's best, like it or not.
As for being a woman in the bedroom, It doesn't really feel any different either way... at least not to me. Especially, as was eloquently brought up on the forum, if you WEAR A CONDOM! Which should never be a second thought. The only time you should be without a condom is when you are married!!! Anylaid, the bottom line is, most women don't want a dirty cock in their mouth, or anywhere else for that matter. If you AREN'T circ'd make sure you wash your shit!! Nothing grosser than gettin ready to gobble the goods and it's got funk wafting off it.
So... Just think about these things, do with it whatever you want... It's just some Slut's opinion. But I will leave you with this....
*BSWK*
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thanksgiving.
This is the time of year that I hate being single. Douchebag and I had years of traditions we observed every year. By this time, we would have our friends gathered in our home, and I would be pulling a smaller, turkey out of the oven. The spread would be laid out... and I left NOTHING to be desired, everything from scratch. Baked bread, 5 different pies, all the trimmings. It was our annual 'Thank God we can go back to normal' party. Music, cards, kids laughing... it was our non blood family, coming together to drink and be merry.
Now, here I am sitting in this house, alone. Not even my Buh here to watch TV with me. I haven't seen nor spoke to anyone in my family today. No one has tried to call me, no one has reached out to me. It's okay.. I guess I don't really need to be with anyone today... I don't want sympathy, I don't want anyone to feel bad for me.... I just want those who are alone too, to know there are others out there who are sitting on the couch, laptop fired up, watching pointless TV, being lonely too.
Tomorrow we would be putting up our tree, and I would be digging out hand made ornaments that would be between 20 and 5 years old. Listening to caroles and laughing together. Tomorrow I am going to sleep all day, get up, and sit here on my laptop, like I do everyday. I won't put up a tree, Sissy B will, but it's not going to be mine. It won't have traditional ornaments on it.
I spent a few hours with Lil Bit and her family today, it was a nice time. It was sweet of Buh's girlfriend's dad to invite both of us to dinner. Video games, food, a movie... Even a nap on the couch. But it wasn't the same. We dropped Buh off with Douchebag and my ex family-in-laws. Douchebag came outside when we pulled in. I hate even being AROUND that asshole. The things that have come from that vile mouth about me... Ugh. Then I came home to an empty house. Sissy B, Midget and the kidders are all at Sissy B's sister's house. Not sure when they will be home.
I've cried a few times since I have been home. I am not a creature of quiet. I am a social butterfly, and feel more myself when surrounded by people to cater to and perform for... ESPECIALLY during the holidays. Tomorrow I will be back to normal. I will be rough and ready with my thick skin firmly back in place. I just really miss having a family. I miss my mom, I miss the laughter, I miss a lot of things.
I absolutely ABHOR being lonely. Guess it's time to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
*BSWK*
Now, here I am sitting in this house, alone. Not even my Buh here to watch TV with me. I haven't seen nor spoke to anyone in my family today. No one has tried to call me, no one has reached out to me. It's okay.. I guess I don't really need to be with anyone today... I don't want sympathy, I don't want anyone to feel bad for me.... I just want those who are alone too, to know there are others out there who are sitting on the couch, laptop fired up, watching pointless TV, being lonely too.
Tomorrow we would be putting up our tree, and I would be digging out hand made ornaments that would be between 20 and 5 years old. Listening to caroles and laughing together. Tomorrow I am going to sleep all day, get up, and sit here on my laptop, like I do everyday. I won't put up a tree, Sissy B will, but it's not going to be mine. It won't have traditional ornaments on it.
I spent a few hours with Lil Bit and her family today, it was a nice time. It was sweet of Buh's girlfriend's dad to invite both of us to dinner. Video games, food, a movie... Even a nap on the couch. But it wasn't the same. We dropped Buh off with Douchebag and my ex family-in-laws. Douchebag came outside when we pulled in. I hate even being AROUND that asshole. The things that have come from that vile mouth about me... Ugh. Then I came home to an empty house. Sissy B, Midget and the kidders are all at Sissy B's sister's house. Not sure when they will be home.
I've cried a few times since I have been home. I am not a creature of quiet. I am a social butterfly, and feel more myself when surrounded by people to cater to and perform for... ESPECIALLY during the holidays. Tomorrow I will be back to normal. I will be rough and ready with my thick skin firmly back in place. I just really miss having a family. I miss my mom, I miss the laughter, I miss a lot of things.
I absolutely ABHOR being lonely. Guess it's time to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
*BSWK*
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Okay... here goes....
So, I know you have all been chomping at the bit to find out what the next chapter in the saga is... Did we? Didn't we? Are we still at a stagnation? Have we progressed, digressed, fucked like monkeys screamin in the trees? Does he still call me? Do we still talk? What's going on with The Slut and THE Boy?!?!
Well, yeah. Maybe once I know where this is going or what to expect, I will tell you the wicked details. The thing he laughs about is how chill we were about it afterwards. There wasn't that Oh My GAWD! We jus- Jesus FUCK! 17 years and finally... Holy Shit!! It was like nothing had happened, total comfortableness. Right back to being US. He said that on his way home, he had a moment of surrealism... That moment of disbelief that it had FINALLY happened. But it was over soon, and he wanted to turn around and come back and bang it out again.
MY weirdness was the next night. Is he going to call?? If he does, are we going to be weird with each other? What will we talk about? Are we together now? Are we just bennies? Is he going to go back to her? FUCK! Why am I all fucking girly about this shit?? Why does it matter? Because I like him. I like him a lot.
He did call. We talked like we always have, save the extra giggles any time we talked about us fuckin. He's called me every night. Unless I call him first. We do spend hours on the phone. He's been sick, so he basically mopes, and I try to make him feel better. For the most part, he seems pretty into me. On occasion, maybe once or twice, he's made me think maybe not. Then the next night, he's back to being himself. He makes me giggle like a school girl at her first crush. He's so funny and have I mentioned how fucking HOT he is?? He's adorable because he argues with me that he's not that good looking... but I can hear the smile in his voice when I tell him that he's better looking than this famous guy or that one.
I think the nights he's been short, it's that whole 'if we're going to start seeing each other, you need to see the asshole I can be too.' I can handle that. I was married to a douchebag, assholes are nothing compared to that. Besides, most people do that, you just have to learn to look past it, and push on.
On the nights he's normal... We laugh, we pseudo plan our wedding. It's hilarious. We aren't even together, but we have our wedding 'planned' even worked on the guest list some... We're terrible and going to go to hell, I swear. We decided that I should not only invite Douchebag, but request to be walked down the aisle... It's only fitting that Doucher give me away... I mean, amirite? And it's going to be a (get ready for this Epic Amazingness) Luau/goth/celebrity/beach wedding. Yeah, you read that right... Not sure how it's going to play out... but whatev's I'll work it out. As long as on our 5 year, I get that Redneck/Hilljack/bubble gum and aquanet/ white trash wedding that I want. Yeah... that's right. I want big hair and a white denim miniskirt wedding dress with lucite stripper stilettos.
Anyways, it's after 2, and I think I am going to call him to see how he's feeling. Maybe in the next blog I will tell you about the 4 ct solitaire we've discussed, and he's trying to talk me down to a half carat... smh. He just doesn't get it... just does.not.get.it. But I will teach him, if it gets that far... he will learn.
*BSWK*
Well, yeah. Maybe once I know where this is going or what to expect, I will tell you the wicked details. The thing he laughs about is how chill we were about it afterwards. There wasn't that Oh My GAWD! We jus- Jesus FUCK! 17 years and finally... Holy Shit!! It was like nothing had happened, total comfortableness. Right back to being US. He said that on his way home, he had a moment of surrealism... That moment of disbelief that it had FINALLY happened. But it was over soon, and he wanted to turn around and come back and bang it out again.
MY weirdness was the next night. Is he going to call?? If he does, are we going to be weird with each other? What will we talk about? Are we together now? Are we just bennies? Is he going to go back to her? FUCK! Why am I all fucking girly about this shit?? Why does it matter? Because I like him. I like him a lot.
He did call. We talked like we always have, save the extra giggles any time we talked about us fuckin. He's called me every night. Unless I call him first. We do spend hours on the phone. He's been sick, so he basically mopes, and I try to make him feel better. For the most part, he seems pretty into me. On occasion, maybe once or twice, he's made me think maybe not. Then the next night, he's back to being himself. He makes me giggle like a school girl at her first crush. He's so funny and have I mentioned how fucking HOT he is?? He's adorable because he argues with me that he's not that good looking... but I can hear the smile in his voice when I tell him that he's better looking than this famous guy or that one.
I think the nights he's been short, it's that whole 'if we're going to start seeing each other, you need to see the asshole I can be too.' I can handle that. I was married to a douchebag, assholes are nothing compared to that. Besides, most people do that, you just have to learn to look past it, and push on.
On the nights he's normal... We laugh, we pseudo plan our wedding. It's hilarious. We aren't even together, but we have our wedding 'planned' even worked on the guest list some... We're terrible and going to go to hell, I swear. We decided that I should not only invite Douchebag, but request to be walked down the aisle... It's only fitting that Doucher give me away... I mean, amirite? And it's going to be a (get ready for this Epic Amazingness) Luau/goth/celebrity/beach wedding. Yeah, you read that right... Not sure how it's going to play out... but whatev's I'll work it out. As long as on our 5 year, I get that Redneck/Hilljack/bubble gum and aquanet/ white trash wedding that I want. Yeah... that's right. I want big hair and a white denim miniskirt wedding dress with lucite stripper stilettos.
Anyways, it's after 2, and I think I am going to call him to see how he's feeling. Maybe in the next blog I will tell you about the 4 ct solitaire we've discussed, and he's trying to talk me down to a half carat... smh. He just doesn't get it... just does.not.get.it. But I will teach him, if it gets that far... he will learn.
*BSWK*
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Like it or not, I am still a girl
And sometimes I will be moody, and mushy and all feelings about shit. But mostly it's just about the people I love. I'm not in love with anyone, not in a romantic way. But I do have a lot of love in me, and it spills to the ones I hold close to my heart. This blog is for them.
Nan has been my best friend since I was 14. She's been there, she's held me when I cried. I can not express how much I love her. So close, we had babies 2 months apart. Bitch got me knocked up... I swear that shit is contagious!! I love you Nan... even when I am mad, even when you are mad. I love you.
Jennybae I have known since 6th grade, when I was the outgoing friendly girl who walked up to the shy quiet new girl and said "HAI! I guess you could call me the welcome wagon, cause I wanna be your friend!" She's known secrets and giggles for as long as I can remember. She is my sister. Jennybae, you are amazing. I love you sweetheart, and you will find your complete happiness. I feel it in my bones.
Sissy B is a fucktabulust best friend that I can't even describe. She's THERE, every day with me... in the trenches, helping me come out of everything bad that's happened to me. She listens every time I need to spout. I love her like a crackwhore loves suckin dick. Sissy B.... I love you and Midget. Thank you for bringing me into your family, and playing mom and dad to me... it's cute and it's funny and I adore it.
Ass... Oh he is going to be mad about being on the mushy list... but I love him. He went out of his comfort zone and was a supportive, amazing friend when my mom died. Cope and deal Sweets... it's a good thing when I can say that. Don't get all excited... I ain't lettin you hit it again... I don't love you all like that. But if you ever need me... I'm here. Takes a bit more than being a good friend and bending me over to make me fall in love... so you are PERFECTLY SAFE! (You aren't even in the line up anymore.... so that should tell you something.) But it's fun to flirt with you and run my mouth!! :P
I want to give a special mention to those in The Neighborhood. You know who you are... And I love you too. It's nice to have you there when I need to hide.
And of course... my deviants.... I couldn't have survived loosing my mom without my page and those who follow it. I <3 you all too... you guys make the work worth it.
So... For all of you.....
*BSWK*
Nan has been my best friend since I was 14. She's been there, she's held me when I cried. I can not express how much I love her. So close, we had babies 2 months apart. Bitch got me knocked up... I swear that shit is contagious!! I love you Nan... even when I am mad, even when you are mad. I love you.
Jennybae I have known since 6th grade, when I was the outgoing friendly girl who walked up to the shy quiet new girl and said "HAI! I guess you could call me the welcome wagon, cause I wanna be your friend!" She's known secrets and giggles for as long as I can remember. She is my sister. Jennybae, you are amazing. I love you sweetheart, and you will find your complete happiness. I feel it in my bones.
Sissy B is a fucktabulust best friend that I can't even describe. She's THERE, every day with me... in the trenches, helping me come out of everything bad that's happened to me. She listens every time I need to spout. I love her like a crackwhore loves suckin dick. Sissy B.... I love you and Midget. Thank you for bringing me into your family, and playing mom and dad to me... it's cute and it's funny and I adore it.
Ass... Oh he is going to be mad about being on the mushy list... but I love him. He went out of his comfort zone and was a supportive, amazing friend when my mom died. Cope and deal Sweets... it's a good thing when I can say that. Don't get all excited... I ain't lettin you hit it again... I don't love you all like that. But if you ever need me... I'm here. Takes a bit more than being a good friend and bending me over to make me fall in love... so you are PERFECTLY SAFE! (You aren't even in the line up anymore.... so that should tell you something.) But it's fun to flirt with you and run my mouth!! :P
I want to give a special mention to those in The Neighborhood. You know who you are... And I love you too. It's nice to have you there when I need to hide.
And of course... my deviants.... I couldn't have survived loosing my mom without my page and those who follow it. I <3 you all too... you guys make the work worth it.
So... For all of you.....
*BSWK*
Monday, November 21, 2011
The history of THE Boy.
Some of you haven't been very supportive of THE Boy... Hatin on him, and he doesn't even know he should be defending himself... LOL!! I know, it's because most of you don't want me hurt. But Imma big girl, and I like him. Top that off with, I am prepared for this to go no where, do nothing and just be a memory at some point in our friendship.
I mentioned earlier that him and I were friends like from the time we were 12 to when we were like 17/18. He was my *best* friend. Him and I were ALWAYS hangin out. He only lived a few blocks up from me, and he'd just walk down and we'd sit on the front porch listen to the radio, or go in and watch tv or whatever. Around 14, I kissed him. I thought maybe he liked me, and I figured I would make the first move, for the first time in my young life. He kissed me back... But the next morning at the bus stop, he didn't speak to me. So I didn't speak to him, ball in his damn court. I expected him to either a.) sack up and tell me he wasn't interested or b.) ask me out. Neither happened. For about a week, we were severely AWKWARD with each other. After that, we were back to being us. I could call him whenever and say "come chill." He'd come chill. I always still liked him, he made me feel safe. I knew he was watching out for me. Nothing was ever said again about the kiss, but I was always a little ego slapped cause he ignored it. He dipped out when I was around 17. I didn't really knew why, but at 17, I had a new baby, and was doin the grown up thing. He was still partying and being young. That's what I attributed his absence to. But I knew I missed him.
....
Wait. What was that?? Let's go back.... He left my life because he had been IN LOVE WITH ME?? Turns out, yet again, I was some boy's first love and he, stupidly, never did anything about it. Some of the nights I called and said "let's chill" he was with his random girl and would be getting ready to dick her down, and he'd bounce out on her to come kick it with me. I NEVER EVEN KNEW HE HAD GIRLFRIENDS!! When he laid all this on me, I was informed that I was also his first kiss. He would stand his girlfriends up for me. He hid girlfriends from me, because he didn't want me to think he was a jerk. Looking back, it all makes sense, and I was blind to it. But like I tell him all the time... After that first kiss... the ball was in his court. HE was the one who decided to put it down and go play another game. In all that time, I had never considered that there was a third option to manning up or asking me out. It turns out it was c.) he was so shocked that I liked him back, he didn't know what to do.
THE Boy had stayed in my life waiting for the perfect time to tell me how he felt about me. The perfect time never came. Once, there was almost a something... but someone else got involved and I ended up going to bed alone while he had closet fun with one of my friends. For over 3 years he waited. Finally he left because he thought I was finally happy. He let go of me. He went and lived his life. He left because he thought I had what I'd wanted, and he cared enough to let go. He felt enough that he had to break ties with me in order to do so. When I asked him why he never told me, he said because he wanted me to be happy over anything, even if it hurt him. How fuckin emo sweet is that???
I mentioned earlier that him and I were friends like from the time we were 12 to when we were like 17/18. He was my *best* friend. Him and I were ALWAYS hangin out. He only lived a few blocks up from me, and he'd just walk down and we'd sit on the front porch listen to the radio, or go in and watch tv or whatever. Around 14, I kissed him. I thought maybe he liked me, and I figured I would make the first move, for the first time in my young life. He kissed me back... But the next morning at the bus stop, he didn't speak to me. So I didn't speak to him, ball in his damn court. I expected him to either a.) sack up and tell me he wasn't interested or b.) ask me out. Neither happened. For about a week, we were severely AWKWARD with each other. After that, we were back to being us. I could call him whenever and say "come chill." He'd come chill. I always still liked him, he made me feel safe. I knew he was watching out for me. Nothing was ever said again about the kiss, but I was always a little ego slapped cause he ignored it. He dipped out when I was around 17. I didn't really knew why, but at 17, I had a new baby, and was doin the grown up thing. He was still partying and being young. That's what I attributed his absence to. But I knew I missed him.
Fast forward 11 or 12 years, I'm working as a cashier at a large retail store. I was on the 'only the worms get up this fucking early' shift. So, it was early enough that I could stand and bullshit with my customers without having a line. This guy comes up, and throws some crap on the belt, and I start ringin him out. I actually LOOKED at him, those who work in a position like that know what I mean. But I LOOKED at this guy. I immediately grinned at him, and inferred a very old joke between us. It took him a second (I look nothing like I looked then) and he grinned back. We talked for a few minutes, and he left. Now, the whole time he was standing there talking to me, all I could do was think 'I shoulda fucked you when I was single.' As I have mentioned... he's a side of LAWD HELP ME! wrapped in a double layer of Oh fuck me please!! He is FINE. I seen him a few times at the store, but that's all I knew of him for a long time, he never really even TRIED to keep in touch after seeing me that day.
January, this year. I am halfway through my year of hell. My marriage had fallen apart and the douche I had put my best years into was playing me for a fool. My FB would text me my notifications. I was laying in bed, depressed, hurt, angry, and my phone went off. Facefuck. THE Boy had sent me a friend request. I hadn't seen him at work for a while. He'd never tried calling me. Nothing. But when that notification came through, I was pretty happy. Saying that now, sounds weird. But he was the only guy I had ever trusted in my life. He had been my best friend. I figured he was making the effort now, he was serious about being my friend again. We started catching up, reviving our friendship. He worked midnights, and has a boring job. So we would text or talk on the phone all night. He was engaged. He was doing okay for himself. Had been in some trouble. Oh and was in love with me back then, and that's why he lost contact. His family was doing---
....
Wait. What was that?? Let's go back.... He left my life because he had been IN LOVE WITH ME?? Turns out, yet again, I was some boy's first love and he, stupidly, never did anything about it. Some of the nights I called and said "let's chill" he was with his random girl and would be getting ready to dick her down, and he'd bounce out on her to come kick it with me. I NEVER EVEN KNEW HE HAD GIRLFRIENDS!! When he laid all this on me, I was informed that I was also his first kiss. He would stand his girlfriends up for me. He hid girlfriends from me, because he didn't want me to think he was a jerk. Looking back, it all makes sense, and I was blind to it. But like I tell him all the time... After that first kiss... the ball was in his court. HE was the one who decided to put it down and go play another game. In all that time, I had never considered that there was a third option to manning up or asking me out. It turns out it was c.) he was so shocked that I liked him back, he didn't know what to do.
THE Boy had stayed in my life waiting for the perfect time to tell me how he felt about me. The perfect time never came. Once, there was almost a something... but someone else got involved and I ended up going to bed alone while he had closet fun with one of my friends. For over 3 years he waited. Finally he left because he thought I was finally happy. He let go of me. He went and lived his life. He left because he thought I had what I'd wanted, and he cared enough to let go. He felt enough that he had to break ties with me in order to do so. When I asked him why he never told me, he said because he wanted me to be happy over anything, even if it hurt him. How fuckin emo sweet is that???
For a few months, we had solidly worked on becoming friends again. Then, the night of Easter Sunday, he had posted on my wall "Happy Zombie Jesus day! Hope yours was great!" or something closely related to this. A few short hours later, he posted on my wall about how he had a family now, and that he needed to concentrate on that, and he needed to let go of his past, and the people that were in it and then deleted me from his facebook. What the fucking fuck?!? Oh my fuck me!! I was CONFUSED I was PISSED. I went without talking to him for awhile, obviously. I waited until I wasn't hurt and mad and I would be able to carry on an adult conversation as to why he would do that to me. He knew everything that was going on in my life, how Doucher was fuckin with my head, and how I felt so God damn broken that I thought I would never date again, let alone love... (I know, collective gasp that The Slut was giving up sex!!) I waited about a month, and I called him at work one night like WTF? Basically, it was the fiancee. He didn't want to lose me, but she was uncomfortable with the friendship. I can respect that, I didn't like it, but I respected it. It pissed me off, cause yeah, I woulda rocked his world had he been single... he wasn't. But had I been her, I probably woulda felt the same as she did. He sends me a request from his other FB profile, and we go back to talking every night. Nothing was going to happen. We'd been friends since middle school for fuck's sake!!
Yeah, so it got to the point where we could talk for two weeks then not be able to talk for two weeks. The sexual tension between us was wicked. He deleted me again, but in a week or two we were talking again. There were old feelings brought up, new feelings confusing everything. I was too scared to admit anything for a hot minute. When I did, he said "You aren't alone in this. But I can't leave her over this, if we don't work... it HAS to be because her and I didn't work, not because of you." I agreed whole heartedly. Not long after that we stopped talking again. He blocked me from his main profile. This time I didn't try for 3 months. Then my mom died. (And that catches you up.. if you read the other blogs. if not, go.read.them.)
Now, things are so weird. How do you go from that.. to this?? Now... I guess you want to know if we hooked up? But I'm not telling you in this blog. I'm just giving you the history, maybe so you can better understand the dynamic of our friendship. I know what I am getting into. I really do. I already told you it almost feels like game. So my guard isn't completely down. But it's down enough to let me like him... let me think of things... I will say.. I am so confused. So fucking confused. I don't know how I should feel about this. I am at a loss. I have never been here before. And I don't know what's coming next, and it scares the fucking shit out of me. Because in the end... it might still just be game.
*BSWK*
Now, things are so weird. How do you go from that.. to this?? Now... I guess you want to know if we hooked up? But I'm not telling you in this blog. I'm just giving you the history, maybe so you can better understand the dynamic of our friendship. I know what I am getting into. I really do. I already told you it almost feels like game. So my guard isn't completely down. But it's down enough to let me like him... let me think of things... I will say.. I am so confused. So fucking confused. I don't know how I should feel about this. I am at a loss. I have never been here before. And I don't know what's coming next, and it scares the fucking shit out of me. Because in the end... it might still just be game.
*BSWK*
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Shy Dick
Shy Dick is the most embarrassing thing that can happen to a guy. (I'm guessing. I mean, if I were a dude, I would be ready to slit my wrists if I got a case of it.) Shy dick is the dick that just doesn't want to work. No matter what you do, it's just NOT HAPPENING. It could be awake and raring to go, but once you get it close to that warm whett home, it decides it's still sleepy and conks back out. There can be a bunch of reasons for this phenomena. Lets explore some of them now...
You have successfully bullshitted her into believing you are the MACK DADDY and can lay it down like a tile layer. She's there, under you, panting and moaning and ready. And it hits you. 'This bitch is out of my league. HOW am I going to pull this off?' Your junk shrivels in your hand as you are trying to get it in. She's too fucking hot for you. You know it, your little man knows it too. He's scared, he's playing shy because he's pretty damn sure she's had bigger, better and more beautiful. There's NO FUCKING WAY you are going to be able to pull off Don Juan with this one. How do you overcome this?? I am not particularly sure, but it would probably work if you look at her. Really look at her hard. She's GOT to have a few flaws. Maybe that one tooth that's crooked, or the dimples in her cheeks- her ass cheeks. Find a few of her flaws, make her human. Man, I am grasping at straws here. Close your eyes and picture an ugly girl. This is just a stupid part of the boy brain. Seriously. The hotter the guy is the whetter I get. Stop fuckin around. And if he's too hot for me?? Well.. I guess we'll discuss that when it happens... cause it hasn't yet.
You are at a party, beer bongs and beer pong and big boy whiskey. Chick is ON YOUR NUTS HARD. Every beer you down, she gets a bit more do-able. That horrific overbite straightens out, her unibrow gives her forehead definition, her extra 40 pounds makes her titties bigger. She makes her move, and even tho your buddies are standing behind her waving their hands and making the "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" face, you let her. She drags you into the bathroom and the glare of the white light off the gleaming tile snaps you into sobriety just enough to see what you are about to do... and your johnson not only gets shy, but crawls up inside you and threatens to run away if you try to force it in that. You COULD close your eyes and think of Jessica Alba, but it's too late now... Excuse yourself before you vomit and pray she just leaves the party.
Same party, later that night.... She's perfect through your beer goggles. Not too pretty, not too ugly, nice rack, tight ass and she's DTF. You take her outside, hot and heavy the second you are alone... gettin ready to get it in... and your peep is too drunk to fuck. So drunk it doesn't even want to throw up on this chick's face. There is no fix for this dude. You are SOL. You can't even try to sober up and expect it to help. IT DOESN'T.
So, my advice? Don't drink too much, don't do too many drugs, don't try to fit into the majors when you know you can only bat at a minors level. That's just a Slick Silly Slut's humble opinion...
*BSWK*
You have successfully bullshitted her into believing you are the MACK DADDY and can lay it down like a tile layer. She's there, under you, panting and moaning and ready. And it hits you. 'This bitch is out of my league. HOW am I going to pull this off?' Your junk shrivels in your hand as you are trying to get it in. She's too fucking hot for you. You know it, your little man knows it too. He's scared, he's playing shy because he's pretty damn sure she's had bigger, better and more beautiful. There's NO FUCKING WAY you are going to be able to pull off Don Juan with this one. How do you overcome this?? I am not particularly sure, but it would probably work if you look at her. Really look at her hard. She's GOT to have a few flaws. Maybe that one tooth that's crooked, or the dimples in her cheeks- her ass cheeks. Find a few of her flaws, make her human. Man, I am grasping at straws here. Close your eyes and picture an ugly girl. This is just a stupid part of the boy brain. Seriously. The hotter the guy is the whetter I get. Stop fuckin around. And if he's too hot for me?? Well.. I guess we'll discuss that when it happens... cause it hasn't yet.
You are at a party, beer bongs and beer pong and big boy whiskey. Chick is ON YOUR NUTS HARD. Every beer you down, she gets a bit more do-able. That horrific overbite straightens out, her unibrow gives her forehead definition, her extra 40 pounds makes her titties bigger. She makes her move, and even tho your buddies are standing behind her waving their hands and making the "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" face, you let her. She drags you into the bathroom and the glare of the white light off the gleaming tile snaps you into sobriety just enough to see what you are about to do... and your johnson not only gets shy, but crawls up inside you and threatens to run away if you try to force it in that. You COULD close your eyes and think of Jessica Alba, but it's too late now... Excuse yourself before you vomit and pray she just leaves the party.
Same party, later that night.... She's perfect through your beer goggles. Not too pretty, not too ugly, nice rack, tight ass and she's DTF. You take her outside, hot and heavy the second you are alone... gettin ready to get it in... and your peep is too drunk to fuck. So drunk it doesn't even want to throw up on this chick's face. There is no fix for this dude. You are SOL. You can't even try to sober up and expect it to help. IT DOESN'T.
So, my advice? Don't drink too much, don't do too many drugs, don't try to fit into the majors when you know you can only bat at a minors level. That's just a Slick Silly Slut's humble opinion...
*BSWK*
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