Monday, May 13, 2013

Warning! You may be offended by this post.

So, yesterday was Mother's Day, and I guess I said some severely inflammatory things. I was eaten alive by strong minded women and women with infertility issues. But the thing is, I wasn't trying to offend anyone. I really wasn't. But I was offended by posts all over Facebook commending women who have pets, on a day meant for women who have paced the floor at three am smelling like vicks vapor rub and formula. Women who have gone to parent teacher conferences covered in snot, hair in a pony tail because she couldn't get the time to brush it before herding children into a minivan.

The day to day jobs of motherhood aren't easy. It is a thankless, frustrating job. The pay sucks and the retirement is nil. The only long term benefits we get are grandchildren and if we did a good job, we don't have to worry about getting thrown into the state funded nursing home. It is a job we have FOR.THE.REST.OF.OUR.LIVES. We can't just buy another if it runs away. There is nothing on this Earth that can change that I am a mother, I will be a mother until the day I die. I was lucky, I carried and birthed one of the pregnancies I have experienced. No, I didn't get the chance to raise every pregnancy I carried. It was sheer dumb luck that the second pregnancy took, and I was going to be a mother. I have been pregnant three times. I have one living child. I understand the heartache and the pain, physical and emotional, of losing someone you don't know yet.. but love with everything in your being.

I don't hate pets. Common misconception. I adore pets, and have had many of them through my life. Even right now, I would love to get a kitten or a puppy, but where we live, we can't have pets. Some of you may remember not too long ago I had a puppy... I posted pics of her on my page. I was in love with her. Sadly, she passed away, and we buried her in the backyard, under a tree she would lay under. I cried for two days. Then, my life went on. Maybe it is the rational part of my mind that can make the distinction between the bond I can have with a pet, and the bond I can have with a child. And there is no comparison.

I am not trying to diminish anyone's feelings for what is in their lives, what tethers them to the world. And if you feel that way, I am truly sorry. But to me, being a pet owner is worlds different than being a parental figure in a human child's life. And I am honestly confused how anyone could compare the two.

In my life, there is a wonderful woman. She is beautiful, loving, smart, and would make a damn fine mother. Her heart is so full of the love that she could give to her own child, but her husband refuses to adopt, and says he is comfortable with his life the way it is. So, she will never be able to be a mother. She has resigned to that, spent her tears on it, and is moving on with her life. She has two dogs, and a cat. She loves her pets, hell I love her pets! If I could grant magic wishes, I would wave a magic wand and she would be pregnant, and all her dreams would come true. But I can't. So I won't. I will be there for her when she needs to cry and rage against God for what he's cheated her out of. But I will be DAMNED if I rub it in her face that she's not a mom... WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WISH HER A HAPPY MOTHERS DAY?!?!? Why would I want to remind someone that that I love, they are missing out? It's offensive. It's abhorred. It's catty. She is an intelligent woman, she knows there is a difference. She wouldn't expect her husband to buy her a card, and sign it with the names of their pets, or buy her a bouquet of flowers in their honor. She very well may have looked at him strangely if he had. Bae is amazing, and dotes on her nieces and nephews. She loves them with everything she has, and they become... because of her love, her children.

I know another woman, who rejoices in her four legged family. I am okay with that, have your pets, love your pets, because if you don't, you shouldn't have them. But she touts that it is the same as being a real mommy. And people support her view. This seems like madness to me. She wants children someday, and shouldn't have any problem having them. She's just in a selfish point in her life, and she doesn't want to give up what she has in order to sacrifice for a human child. THIS IS WHERE MY ISSUE IS!!!! My issue isn't for those women who are struggling, and hurting from the desire to hold that warm bundle of flesh that can not function without them. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. I've been there. I know how hard it is to go to the mall and see a newborn and have to lock yourself in the stall of a public bathroom to cry. I know how hard it is to not hate your friend who had "an accident" and is now pregnant with a child she doesn't want or need. I wish upon wishes and hope upon hope that with every passing day, there are fewer of you who know this pain, and mote of you that know the sheer panic of hearing "Mommy, smell this."

I have the issue with women who are too selfish and too busy to have a child, yet they think they deserve the same accolades every woman who has DONE THE JOB deserves. It's not true. They don't deserve that. Maybe a pat on the head for taking in a stray, but c'mon now, you really think you deserve an orchid for putting food in a bowl and installing a doggy door??? You can hate me for this, but no. No, you don't. You don't deserve the macaroni necklaces, and the paper doily cards. You don't deserve dinner, or any other gifts bestowed on a mother for Mother's Day. And these are the women that diminish the meaning of Mother's Day, and it takes away from the women who deserve it. My mother worked 60 hours a week when I was growing up. She made sure there was dinner on the table and our house was clean. She listened to secrets and would set aside special time with each of us girls to let us know she was there for us. THAT is a mother. THAT is what deserves the accolades. Not some selfish lazy wench who has a few dogs. 

I am really trying not to rant, but I might be doing it anyways. I am okay with that. I was told yesterday that I am not humble in my opinions, and that there is no maybe about it, I am a bitch. I am okay with that too. I am not humble in my beliefs. I shouldn't have to be. No one should be. If you agree with me, GREAT. If you don't, WONDERFUL. I'm not trying to change your mind. I'm not telling you that EVERYONE HAS TO ABIDE BY MY BELIEF SYSTEM!! I am just voicing my frustrations in a dark room. Maybe someone will hear them, maybe not. One small voice in Ohio isn't going to change the world... and that's not even what I am trying to do. Say what you want, wish Happy Mother's Day to who ever you wish... that's your right. It's also my right to not agree with it. I want to take a moment to say that I hope that all mothers of human children had a wonderful day yesterday, this includes, adopted/foster/step mothers.... And to those struggling with conception, I pray this year was your last year struggling.

I hope I haven't lost too many with this post, but if I have... I wish you the best life you can have. I won't beg you to stay, but I am sorry to see you go.

*Big Sloppy Whett Kisses*