Friday, December 30, 2011

Are you kidding me?

I really want to blog something witty and fun. Because that's how I like to blog. But really, I am so in need that I can't think of anything witty and fun to write. All I keep thinking of is hands and a mouth and sweat and moans and gasps and FUCK. I have had a steady headache for about four days. It's my version of blue balls. lol. I try to just stay busy, bullshit with friends, and try NOT to talk about sex too much. Once that thought crosses my mind, I can't think of anything else... I might as well just go to sleep because I am about worthless. It doesn't help  that Rí is all through my damn head.

He could send me a message that says "Hi. How are you?" and I am so giddy I'm fuckin creamin. I am not happy about this. I don't like that he's got that kind of power over me. I am, on the other hand, quite proud of myself that he still has no fucking clue. I'm amazing at keeping everyone else's secrets... my own?? Notsomuch.

Thing is.... I've been told many times that I am the type of girl who only wants what she can't have. So maybe if he'd start chasing me a bit I would lose interest and be OTTNO. Which would make me soo happy. I don't want anything right now. Nothing but a steady piece. Just someone I can call and say "Let's spend some time together..." and know I'll get a few laughs and a handful of orgasms out of it.

For right now tho, I want to hands and knees crawl across the floor to him, to curl up in his lap and just lick him. I want to hear him whimper my name. I want to beg him to do every little thing I have fantasized him doing. I want him to own me, even if just for two or three hours. FUCK.I.NEED.LAID.

I know I could make a few phone calls and have it taken care of... Right this moment. I know there's at least 1 guy I could say "Hey, I need you to handle this for me." and they would drop everything and come running. No games, no strings attached, no bullshit... They'd fuck the hell out of me and nothing would be different when I got dressed and walked out the door. But I would still have this exact need once we were done. Because it wouldn't be Rí. To be completely honest, I don't even know if Rí can sate me... but he'd be the one to come the closest.

Tomorrow night is the New Year. For the second one in a row I won't have anyone to kiss me at the stroke of midnight. I've considered asking Rí what he's doing... but I won't. Yeah... Cause I suck. And I doubt that anyone will ask me out. Cause again... I suck. lol. So I will most likely be at home, watching 4 loud children tear through the house while Midget sleeps in the recliner and Sissy B fights to stay awake. OR, I will be at Nan's just me her and the boys.

Gawd I am lame.

Hope your New Year is amazing.

Monday, December 26, 2011

The Doormat Part One -- The EnVogue Playa

It was recently been brought to my attention that there is a breed that needs addressed.... The Doormat. This is that one friend you have that bends over backwards for someone who is OBVIOUSLY not into them. There are two forms of this... there's the Pussy Whipped Boy/ Dick Busted Bitch, and the EnVogue Playa. We're gonna talk about the second group in this blog... Cause there's A LOT I have to say about this shit.

The EnVogue Playa... Let me explain the name first. Not everyone is going to understand it, you kind of have to be old enough to remember the group EnVogue and one of their biggest hits. 'Never Gonna Get It.' Are the pieces falling into place now?? Everyone knows this guy, sadly enough this happens to guys more than girls. This guy will drop $200 on a new wardrobe for you, buy you the newest phone, hangs on to your every word, will even hop up and scurry across the room for you when you want to sit where he's at. Girls also call this guy a Sugar Daddy, because life is fucking sweet when you ain't gotta do shit to get taken care of.

This guy has zero chance of hitting it. You know it from jump. He, on the other hand, hasn't a fucking clue. He thinks the sweeter he is, the more he gives, the better his chances are of gettin in them panties. Truth is, if he threw the two's at you and started ignoring you, sportin a rolex (that he could afford if he wasn't supporting you and your habits) talkin to your hot friend... You would be all.the.fuck.over.him. If he called you on your bullshit "I am just focusing on me right now, I can't be in a relationship right now" and said "Ai'ght... You do you, Imma do me." You would freak the fuck out.

Women don't want this shit handed to us in the beginning. Make her work for it. I don't know why, but we love dicks. It's the challenge... We want to break them. These guys have the edge if they would just open their damn eyes. Because we do want a guy who is going to give us everything... but we want everything because we worked for it, we deserve it. You want to give us everything... if you just make it seem like we're working for it... You are in there... and ain't nothing going to get you back out of there.

If you need a coach, FIND ONE. I am positive you have a friend who has some game, and if YOU don't... I am sure one of your friends DO. For guys in this position, it's best to have a female coach. We've got the inside track. We'll be able to tell you who/what/when/where and how fucking hard. This is especially helpful if the coach knows the girl who is running you... because face it-- You are NOT the pimp, YOU are the trick. And you are being turned... with.a.fucking.quickness. This doesn't mean she is purposely fuckin with you, I promise. This is why--

Some girls are so used to being used and abused that when a good guy comes along, she takes advantage of it. She can't really help it, and shouldn't be held completely responsible for her blatant disregard of your nice-guy disease. This just makes it more imperative that you play the game... Because if you don't.... You will be worse than friend zone'd.... you will be brother'd. 99.9% of guys in the Brother Zone never recover. This is compared to 95% of guys in the Friend Zone. STFU, you hang on to that slim chance, you'll hang on to that almost 5% like it's your oxygen tank.

She may just be out of your league. This happens. You just take what you have learned and you move on. The best match for you is another EnVogue Playa... cause then you can just be you... they can just be them... and it'll fit. There's as much give as there is take. The only way you are going to get this in the situation you are in now is to break her. Yeah yeah yeah it sounds horrible and painful for the girl. But really... it's not. It's breaking her of all the misconceptions of what things are. Good guys = Weak guys. No girl wants a weak guy.

My advice?? Find your Alpha friend... LISTEN TO HIM. His game might end between the sheets... that doesn't mean your's has to. Everyone's game has a different end point, some only want you to want them, some are playin for forever, some just want fucked. Your game can end when she's where you want her. Get your girl... Be happy.. Every once in awhile make her work for it... because TRUST she's going to make you work for it.

Good Luck

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Boppin... Movin... Groovin... Dancin... FUCK YEA

So, got some shit on my mind, but I think it's just piddly shit that will work itself out. I can't blog about it, my blog isn't very anonymous. I have opened up about it to VERY VERY VERY few of my closest friends.

I am sitting here in my chair, the chair of my life, I never leave this damn thing unless I am in the bathroom or getting something to eat/drink, but I am listening to my spotify playlist which is a bunch of "I could so fuck to this song because of it's beat" songs. This means, I am sitting here, a foot on each side of the ottoman, laptop between my knees, grinding away to the beat of Bobby Valentino, at this second. It was Hed Pe a few minutes ago. Why does dancing have to mimic fuckin so much?? I need laid. Yes, I think this is 90% of my problem right now. I need it need it need it.

Buh is sleepin on the couch. Yeah, it's almost 2 in the afternoon and he's nappin. When he wakes up I might even make him a sammich. Wait-- What??? Yes, I would make this chile a sammich... THAT is how boss he is. I am shocked and awed at how fucking amazeballs he is. He's pimp. He's tall, blonde, blue eye'd, cut, protective, and funny as watchin your best friend trip in a snow drift after a bender all night.

Case in point... They were watching Scarface last night (yes, he has good taste too) while I was plugged into my laptop, chatting with my peoples, listening to music through my headphones. I said something to him and he told me to "Shhh MOM!" I laughed, and cause I am a bitch like that, I started talking. I couldn't hear him, because of the music I had blaring in my ears, so I ignored his bitching about ruining his movie. Exasperated, he looked at me... and mouthed the words "Why don't" then pointed at me. Pointed off in another direction, while mouthing the word "Go." Then stuck his thumb in his mouth, pulled it out and mouthed "a" and proceeded to flap his arms like a chicken. He then grinned like the dick he is, and turned back to his movie. I sat there for a moment, just dumbfounded at the wit and hilarity of the fact that my son just told me to go suck a cock.

Well, this blog is pointless. I just wanted to brag about how fucking pimp my kid is. I don't talk about him much because I like to keep him separate from this life... but this is proof that he's mine. Cause that's some pimpskittles shit I would pull.


Sunday, December 18, 2011

Turn you on, turn you out, all night long make you shout.

I wanna be the only one you cum for.



Okay... so I have this question that I asked Ass about the other day, he really didn't help me, because once I explained he completely agreed with my confusion... I am puzzled and would like someone, ANY ONE, help me understand this... How many times have you said this... "This SUCKS DICK!!!"??? Was it for something good?? I am betting the answer is no, not even close. The term "sucks dick" typically refers to something of a derogatory nature. Correct? For example.... "Dude, that McDonald's sucks dick! It ALWAYS fucks up my shit." or "My phone is too old, it sucks fuckin dick." These aren't GOOD things. Right?? Right. I mean it's even urban dictionaried!!

Now, if *I* am on my knees, mouth full of your cock.... *I* am a MOTHER.FUCKING.GODDESS. There is nothing better in that moment than my amazing doe eyes gazing up at you, mouth open, and you can feel every perfectly pressured tug pulling you closer and closer to that apex.... I am perfectly capable of giving warhead. So good it's a nuclear weapon. I have, I swear on my sex drive, made a guy bust in less than 3 minutes from having my mouth wrapped around his dick. {And it's not like he didn't have stamina, because he did.... he was a steady fuck for 9 months.} I.KNOW.WHAT.THE.FUCK.I.AM.DOING.

This is where it's confusing for me, I mean, shouldn't everything amazingface and mind blowing be 'sucks dick?' I would never ever ever describe something, that is anything short of fucktastic, as 'eatin pussy' or 'clit twitchin.' That would be used to describe good things... very good things. Matter of fact, clit twitching (or CT) is how I describe things that are honestly clit twitching. The right cologne on the right guy.. FUCK that's clit twitching. Finding a $20 in you winter coat when you are flat ass fuckin broke... clit twitchin. Haven't you ever noticed when things are going right... you really do want to fuck more? BECAUSE it's CLIT TWITCHIN GOOD!

So, when something is bad/ works poorly/ isn't enjoyable, it 'sucks dick' and something is good it's 'clit twitchin.' I guess I can never ever ever suck dick again. Under no circumstances. Because nothing I do in bed should EVER be considered unenjoyable. Nothing I have ever done in bed has carried a negative connotation. I am not about to start now!!

Sad day for cocks everywhere. Until this shit is rectified... I shall have pristine knees, and only a thumb, tongue, sucker, banana, popsicle, or other such blatantly phallic object to suck on and make life a living hell for any man who watches me and/or kisses me. I will even take it a step further and call for a boycott of ALL cock sucking until boys understand the difference between bad and good. I can be a bad girl in a very good way, but not while doing something that's meant something horrible'

Appriciate the saying... and I may call for a nuclear war.


Saturday, December 17, 2011

Oh really? So this is how it is? Cool.

So, tonight, as I was rearranging my friends on my personal list, so that I can post my blog on my personal page to specific people, I noticed I was missing a friend. Odd. I go up to the search bar, I slowly start typing in the name.... nothing. Not even a "Oh, he was being a dick and unfriended you." I flip over to the profile I use to run the page, and type the name in again. BAM! There he is. Really?? Are you fucking kidding me?? You BLOCKED me??? OH MY MOTHER FUCK ME!

What is it? Did you read the blog and realize I wasn't sitting here waiting like a good girl?? Hoping and praying that you would pick me over her?? Fuck that. We both know I am too bad assed to twiddle my thumbs over you. I wasted a year of my life waiting on someone to decide what the fuck they were doing. And it was 11 months and 2 weeks too gotdamn long. I wasn't about to wait on you. As soon as I heard it in your voice that you weren't done with her, I was moving on.
Did you read the blog and realize that there was someone else on my radar? Go fuck yourself. For real. Not like you weren't fucking her the whole damn time you were talking to me.
We've known each other for more than half our lives. Are you seriously going to treat me like this?? Jesus fuck, grow the fuck up.
Or the most realistically, did she realize you fucked me? Did she figure out that you'd FINALLY tagged it, and now her insecurities have forced you to remove me from your life?? Well, look honey... If you weren't done with her... you shouldn't have fucked me. And since you did fuck me, you shouldn't have been hiding it. You aren't really pimp honey, you shouldn't have tried to be. You obviously can't pull it off... So for future reference, don't try it. Stick with the sensitive, emo boy routine. You can't pull off pimp. You should let her read this blog, cause fer realz, I've been off that... Ever since I smelled a True Alpha, and been tryina be on THAT.

If you are makin shit work with her, good for you. You coulda just said "Hey, Sniffles, I think I am going to put everything into her. That's where I am going to be." You know what I woulda said?? "Cool, you do you. I wasn't sure if I was feelin this or not anyways. I was kinda thinkin about tryina get with this one..." I wish you all the luck in the world.... I'm not being catty, and I am not being childish, but you won't be happy with her. She's too young, you say that all the time... You want someone to take care of you. Baby you when you are sick, and coddle you when you are upset. Nothing wrong with that... nothing at all. Do you think she's going to start doing it now?? It's been two years or a touch more, she hasn't been there to do it yet.... what makes you think she's going to start now?? Jus' sayin'.

I am angry, and I would love to put your shit on blast. But I won't. I am a grown up. I am not mad that you want to make it work with her. I am mad that yet again, you don't respect me enough to open your fucking mouth and talk to me like an adult. I am mad that you treated me like some love sick teenaged girl. Baby, you got life FUCKED UP! You don't have it like that. Not anymore. Don't crawl back when shit falls apart and you realize she's not enough. I won't be here. No matter if someone else has swept me away, or if I am still livin the single life, it's not going to matter, I'm cool on having you in my life.

Just know, you will always be The Boy... The Boy who lost. The Boy who couldn't pull it out and be someone honest. The Boy who will never have his best friend again. I wanted us to be friends. I really did. I wanted to always have you as a friend. No matter what happened with if we worked or if we just fucked around or what have you. Guess I thought you were more mature than that. I've been wrong before, I will probably be wrong again... It's all good.

..... Maybe Rí will be the man you couldn't be. Cause


Deuced up.

To the girl... I don't know what the deal is between the two of you, and right now I don't really care. He said you bounced, I pounced. I put it down, and I lost interest. I'm already off that, so you do what you do... I couldn't and wouldn't give another fuck.


Friday, December 16, 2011

I don't think I am a strong woman. Intelligent, a little. Mouthy and opinionated, absolutely. Strong, notsomuch. Many of my friends think I am, and tell me I am. But in reality, I see myself as just lil ole me. I do know one thing... I need a strong person to stand next to me. I am a handful. I know this. I am spoiled and bitchy and have no problem fighting against someone who expects me to do this, that or the other thing. I prefer to move when I want, and *I* am the bossy one. It's hard to find someone who knows how to work around that.

Some guys try to be alpha dog, most times, this act is met with AlphaBitch. She is the one that will break your balls for the giggle of it. Maybe it's how they come off with it. When they literally come at me with the "I am the Alpha, you will bow to me." Yeah, not going to happen sweetheart. I am going to flaunt everything you know you want and when I give you tastes, it's only going to be enough to make you fall in love. That way, when I break yo' ass, you will definitely know what ALPHA means. AlphaBitch is the maneater, she don't give a fuck about you and where you THINK you fit on the food chain. SHE is the top fuckin dawg, and will sit your puppy ass on the porch while she runs the neighborhood. She does it cause she fuckin can, and because she has FUN while doing it. It's to prove a point, point being DON'T.FUCK.WITH.ME. People get shit twisted, and they think because I am little and sweet they can make me do as they say. Psshhaawww riiiiiiiiiiight. I don't care how good looking you are, or how smart you are. Your cock could be dipped in gold and diamond encrusted, and I will STILL use and abuse you and walk away throwin up the two's, while you are laying there in a pool of tears beggin me to stay.

But on RARE occasions, there's that guy... that one guy who is Alpha. True Alpha... he doesn't have to say it, you can SMELL it on him. THAT gets me hot. This alpha is a panty drencher. He's the one you have to be careful playing cat and mouse with. If you mouse too long, he's disinterested. If you don't mouse long enough, you become a cumdumpster for a night and he's the one with deuces up while you're shaking and scratchin like a junkie. I have, fortunately, never been smacked down like this. But I have seen some of the baddest bitches I know become king-junkies.

Right now, I only know of one true Alpha. I keep him at arm's length... at least I try to. Rí is about thisclose to makin me a wanton bitch. I can't fuckin help it. Out of the many guys I know, he's the only one I can say, without a doubt, has a hope of handling me. I thought there were others, but after some time and some thought... I realized the ones I thought were kings among men, were nothing more than peasants dressed above their stations. Rí, on the other hand, is an unassuming guy. Just a regular joe on the surface, but after one decent conversation with him, I knew I would have him. For an hour, for one night, for a while, for the rest of my life... one way or another... I would claim him. I don't just mean physically, or emotionally. I want to steal a piece of him. I want to imprint me on him somewhere, I want to randomly pop in his head. I want him just as wet for me as I am for him.

When the realization hits that 'THIS GUY' isn't what I want/need/thought, I always go back to lusting after Rí. That should've told me something, but in true me fashion, I ignored and just lusted. Until this thing about The Boy, then I put some thought into Rí. LOTS of thought, and some fantasy, and a few pretty hot writhing sessions under my own hand. And I brought it up to a few friends, then I actually started talking about maybe just maybe....

A few guys in my life, say he's got something for me. My brother says it's feelings. Basically they all think he's already wet for me. A few of my female friends say he's twisted, but he doesn't trust me, and that I need to just lay it out there how I feel. But really?? Rí is the kind of guy that would laugh, fuck with my head, and make me a king-junkie. Why would I want to catch someone like that?? You just don't get it do you?? The fact that he could seriously have the power to fuck with my head, and possibly hurt me, intrigues me. He is T-R-O-U-B-L-E devilish smile and all. I don't want hurt, no one wants that. There's some cliche that fits here but right now I am thinking of his hands pressing me into him. Forgive me for being a little brain dead in that aspect.

I wish I knew what it was about him that makes me want to bow. I want to submit to him, let him have his way. I want him to be the one to break me. I want to be the one to break him. I want this craving to be slaked, to know that I won't go hungry, I will finally be sated. I need someone strong enough to hold me down, someone serious enough to balance my silly, but someone soft enough to kiss my forehead and let me nuzzle my face into them when I am scared, and funny enough to keep me laughin. Rí is the guy I asked Santa for. He just doesn't realize it. And if he would just say he was interested in something with me, he would have no reason to not trust me. I may be slutty, I may flirt and put it out there that I am play on playa playa (I am pimp) but for Rí, I would be girl next door when it came to that. I am loyal to a fault when it's reciprocated.

There is a time and a place to have this kind of fun... but when there is a possibility of something, you cowgirl up. I've been single for a long time. I am terrified of anything more than a steady piece, but I would brave it for Rí. I wish I could tell him that. Honestly I probably coulda blasted his name out on here, cause I don't think he reads my blog like I'd like him to. Or maybe he does, maybe he is that into me, and I am just being stupid. I don't fuckin know anymore. I am a touch old school and I think the guy should be the one to put himself out there first. I've been through a lot in the past almost two years, and I'll be damned if I put myself out there to be told "Sorry, but you just aren't what I am looking for... we can stay friends tho." Buuuuuuullllll fuckin shit. I don't get friend zoned. I'll be gotdamned. I am everything that could make this guy happy. I just need to figure out how to get him to see it too. Fucked up thing is, I want to do it honest. No games, no bullshit, no faux coy chess moves, just being me. Just plain lil ole me.

Because that's all I am... under all of it... Just lil ole me.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Ba mhaith liom cad nach féidir liom a bheith acu.

Catch me in the emerald rolling hills.
Snatch my breath away with a kiss deep enough to touch my soul.
Under the pregnant moon, pin me against ageless stone.
Hands, running over skin, soft moans escaping both of us.
Can you hear me beg over the crash of the waves?
Gortaítear dom. 

It sounds like thunder, was that a flash of lightening? 
Make me scream like a bean sidhe. 
There is urgency, I am starting to ache.
Run your tongue over me, can you taste the sweat mixed with the rain?
I will cling to you, your hands in my hair.
Want a líonadh dom.

Make me arch, make me whimper.
Whisper your demands to me, soft and low against my ear.
Lift me up, back to the wall.
A Celtic séis plays in my mind.
Haunting and beautiful like this moment.
A bheith ar mo rí.

I am banríon na drúis.
In this, our time, possess me. 
Own me. Need me.
Claim all that is yours.
Lips swollen, crushed under a biting kiss.
Tabhair dom an domhain

My own orgasm cried out in offering to the old gods.
Again, and again, like the rolling ocean at the bottom of the cliff.
We've endured the raging storm, the thunder fading.
Still tangled, braced against the wall, a final thrust, deeper, more intrusive.
Beidh mé bogha
Tionchar an-mhór dom, a chosaint dom, ghrá dom.

~The Slut

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Dear Santa,

Since comin up on the Fuxmas season... I thought it prudent to write you a quick note letting you know what it is my heart really desires for this Gimme Gimme Holiday.

First off, I would love a beautiful condo in an affluent area, preferably a gated community. I want at least three stories, with a rumpus room in the basement. Four bedrooms (so what if it's just me and Buh? I can throw some EPIC parties and need the room.) at least three and a half bathrooms, formal living room, and an eat in kitchen. I want completely decorated to my personal chic tastes. This includes heated bathroom floors, fireplaces, a bearskin rug (I don't care, it's a fantasy), a master en suite big enough to dance in, among other things. Oh and a formal dining room so I can have fahncy dinnah pahtays.

To park in the two car garage I want a '68 Chevelle SS 396, black with a white pin stripe. I want that bitch to purr like a tiger when running. I also require a hot, hard bodied gear head to teach me how to do the upkeep on said beast. I don't mind gettin dirty for something that pretty. I also request a fully loaded '11 Lincoln Navigator. When I say loaded, I mean LOADED, game systems and tinted windows and erreythin. I want this also black, with shiny chrome and a supple tan leather interior. Need some pimp wheels.

I am also putting on this list a job in that can support a lifestyle I would love to become accustomed to. Requirements of this job are that I do as little as possible for as much bank as imaginable. If playing on Facebook, blogging, talking on the phone, and hanging out can make me stacks, THAT is the job I was born to do. I basically need a steak and lobster income doing a food stamps job.

A few small miscellaneous plastic surgeries, for the sheer vanity of it. Namely a tummy tuck to rid myself of these stretch marks. I don't care what Kat Williams says, I have to look at them and they AIN'T cute. Yes, they are from weighing 102 pounds and blowing up to over 160 in less than a year then in one afternoon going back down to 120. Childbirth, the most effective way to FUCK.YOUR.BODY.UP.

Finally, I would like to find me a steady piece. One that is tall, broad, decent looking, makes his own money and can fuck me whenever I please. I want him to be a little jealous, a little possessive, intelligent, and strong enough to keep me in check. I want him to not be scared to fight with me, but not overbearing. I want him to be a man's man, but still watch me when he thinks I am not looking. I want his soft sentimental moments to be a candy sweet surprise, savored and good enough to be rewarded with big sloppy wet kisses of the variety that will please and appease. I want him to want me like he needs air, but be chill enough to not rush any kind of relationship. I don't want him to want to even label anything that's going on. Just let shit happen. I don't want to have to beg for attention, but I don't want smothered. I want him to be my friend, and my confidante, but not expect to know every little thing that happens... On the other hand, if I decide to inform him of everything, I want him to take that information and just listen, advise if I request. Santa, I'm not asking for a boyfriend, I'm not asking for a future husband, I'm just askin for a damn good benny. I don't think it's too much to ask for... Just someone who wants to relax and have fun with me. If something happens..... down the road, that is, BET. But not for a grip.

I know I wasn't the best girl on the list, and there were more times than not that I ended up on the Naughty List. But I promise, if you bring me these few small things, I will never ever ask for another thing! And if I never ask for another thing, it won't really matter which list I am on. Right? I will never bother you or your elves again. I would even be willing to fly to North Pole to put in some hours of hard slave labor... ::wink wink::

Thanks in Advance Santa,
Your ever loving Slut.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Jealous Much??

Yes, I may be a little weird. I enjoy when someone is possessive and jealous because I am paying attention to someone else. I find it heartwarming and fuckin hella funny. Watch that stalker box, see who I am commenting... follow me... Yes my boy, do this. Then try to glean information from it. Am I fucking him?? Hmmm... I am not sure this is any of your business. If I want to, I will. HAVE I fucked him?? That's adorable. Also, none of your business. But if I did, it would probably make it easier to do it again.... dontchathink? Are you nervous? Does he pose a threat to you?? I would LOVE to know why you are concerned about him. I don't really talk about him when I talk to you. I mean, I do in passing. But do I sound rapturous when I do? Do I sound lovesick? I don't think I do, until you bring it up. Then I make him sound like Prince Charming because that's what you want me to do.

Yeah, I am pretty fuckin sure I could fuck him if I wanted. I might have to wait for the opportunity, both of us available, and in need... but yeah, he finds me attractive... and he ain't half bad. Oh shit. THAT'S what it is isn't it?? He's the right body type.... He's bigger than you. And you know I like that. D'awwwh. That's cute. Big boys make you feel inferior with me. You can't grow another 3 inches, and you freak when I tell you to put on some weight. I'm sorry sweetheart, I like when my guys are all big boys. It makes them intimidating to other guys who think they might be able to get the drop on me.

I'm not afraid of him hurting me... it's like I said... The only way he would hurt me is if I was bent over beggin him to smack my ass and pull my hair. Then he would oblige. Other than that, he's not going to hurt me. He has no reason to, he's not a douche. A jerk, yes. But all my 'big scary guy friends' are jerks. Hilarious, good guy under the asshole veneer, jerks. It's the only way I roll.

Even if I am/was/plan on fucking him on the regular, it's not your business... YOU aren't fucking me. YOU aren't my boyfriend. YOU are fucking someone else right now. So really, the bed I am writhing in has nothing to do with you. Are you scared someone else is getting their mind blown? It's a definite possibility someone else is knockin the bottom out. I never played like I was going to ONLY be with you. I am honest, I have needs, I need sex like I need air baby. If you aren't going to do it... there are others waiting in line. I am too cute to fuckin wait on you to decide if you want me or not. Maybe you should take a look at that jealousy and realize that you already know what a fuckin catch I am... and either do something about it or stop letting it bother you...

Because if you keep letting it bother you... I am going to keep making it look worse and worse, all the while giggling about how sprung you are.

Cause that's also how I roll.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Secret Admirer

I didn't write this... It was written for me.... I really liked it so I figured I would share it... Maybe I will luck out and the writer behind it will come forward. *sigh*

A beauty, we met but once
Our eyes glanced unknowingly,
yet with a slight glint of the familiar.

You didn't know me, but you came to me
Your hand extended, greeting with a smile
Introductions, our skin touched.

In a moment I knew you, everything
lips upon your neck, you shivered
Embracing the caress of my hand, wanting.

Encumbered no more, with silk or satin
we lay unashamed, together, sweat waiting.
Fingertips trace my desire around your breast.

Intensity builds, like a fire first kindled, consumes.
Arching back, like a bridge waiting to be crossed,
skin stretched taught against an onslaught of lashings.

Overwhelmed, wet as if the rain itself was pounding
Drowning in a storm, lost in a sea, orgasmic.
Floating now upon rolling waves of contentment...

In a moment we are there together, passionate.
I knew it the moment we touched, together,
this vision, third eye opened by your gentle touch.....

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Color me Confused

Get off me, I like being colored different emotions. It sounds more fun than just BEING confused. Almost like I stood there and let someone paint me in a different light, and I feel the paint as an emotion. Doesn't that sound divine?? I think it does.

I really am just ready to throw every hope I had for The Boy out the window. I kinda feel like I am just being pulled along, kept on the burner until he sees where things are with him and her. I thought for sure that I wouldn't care about him string'n me. I specifically recall a conversation I had with Ass, it was awhile ago and The Boy was still very spoken for. He'd asked me if I trusted The Boy to not string me, and I said "Yeah, but no. I think he's already strung me. Scary enough, I think I am okay with it." Ass laughed at me, and told me I was going to get hurt. We both abide by the ideology that if you catch feelings, it's as bad as catching clap. I caught feelings. I know I did. It's not as bad as it could be, but the point is I caught 'em. So it kinda hurts with the back and forth. I hate not knowing where I stand. I am about one misstep from finding someone else to crush on. Seriously.

My main issue is that I have a raging sex drive. To the point that I have even named it. I call her Queen Lillith. Because she's all about never being sated, always rampaging, always devouring. If I *did* act on every time she needed fed, I would be in bed 24/7... or on a counter, in a car, in the shower, in the front yard, at the mall, in the middle of the street, basically once I was done, I would be revved for AGAIN! I have a hard time finding someone who can keep up. They all talk a damn good game, but they fuck a few times then are done, or we just aren't compatible to be around each other much. I think that's a big reason I want a steady guy. That way I am only hurting ONE person with dehydration, exhaustion and starvation. (I'll feed him well... but I don't think he'll ever really fill up on it.) That and all the set up is already done, and all I have to do is say "Hai... Wanna?"

But I am tired of being told one thing one moment then something different the next. I've been there, done that... and I am cool on doin it again. Told "We're done, we're over." then statuses posted "Spending time with SOS <3" Seriously?? Wow. Aight. Good thing I didn't go all out and really put myself into what I was feelin for you. Ten to one baby, she's going to pull this shit again. And you're going to realize that I really was everything you'd hoped she'd be. Yes, I hid parts of me from you. I do to every guy I am interested in. It sounds like game when I put those things out there. But truthfully, I am that girl who strives to take care of the ones she loves. Dinner on the table, back rubs after a hard days' work, homemade chicken noodlie soup when you're sick... That's me when I'm treated right. No, I didn't tell you that about me... why the fuck would I?? First off you should know that already. Second, we both know that had I put that out there, you would have thought I was runnin a game and would have ignored it. So I didn't put it out there.

So now I need to find a new object to lust after, because I am not being put on the back burner for anyone. No matter how long I have known them, no matter how good looking they are, no matter how much money they make. I'll be damned. I am an amazing person. I have a warm heart and I want nothing more than to have someone to take care of. But if I can't find exactly what I want... I am perfectly okay with being single. I refuse to settle.

Well... I am playing Words with Friends and getting STOMPED by Ass. I need to pay better attention.