Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Fuck This Life

Fuck it all. Fuck the bullshit, fuck the shit talkers, fuck this life. Fuck those who think they know, and fuck those who try to speak gospel when they don't know a Bible from a dictionary. Sick of this, sick of all of it. Fuck it all. Fuck the people who claim they love me and watch me crawl through hell. Fuck the haters. Fuck the clouds bringing the snow. Fuck the non existent family who act like they all have it worse. Fuck the dumb shit. Fuck doing this alone. Fuck doing this with someone. Fuck this life. Fuck it all. Fuck having nothing. Fuck struggling anymore. Fuck fighting for anything anymore. Fuck this shit. Fuck crying myself to sleep every god damn night. Fuck wishing I could be a druggie so I could be numb. Fuck being looked down on. Fuck being segregated from civilization. Fuck being bound and gagged without an orgasm. Fuck not being able to see the silver lining because everyone else's negativity. Fuck being everyone's positiveness when no one is there to be mine. Fuck the liars. Fuck the ones who don't tell the whole truth. Fuck those who twist the truth to fit themselves. Fuck life without my mom to cry to. Fuck having all this anger boxed up inside me wrapped in pretty paper with a cute bow on top. Fuck idiots, pacifists, activists, and brainiacs. Fuck all of it. Fuck this life. Fuck being stuck on the back burner because I'm not good enough, fuck being left out because I am different. Fuck being treated like a burden. Fuck this shit.

That is all.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Size Queen

So, a few nights ago I was doin a bunch of research to have some information to discuss of the page. I had decided that I was going to do a night of dicks- mostly dick sizes and the myths and facts about size. *THIS* is the interesting things I learned, and what it translates into to me....

Let's start with 'average' size. According to Wiki "While results vary across studies, the consensus is that the mean human penis is approximately 12.9–15 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length with a 95% confidence interval of (10.7 cm, 19.1 cm) (or, equivalently, 4.23 in, 7.53 in). The consensus on typical circumference is 12.3 cm (4.85 in), requiring a diameter of roughly 3.9 cm (1.54 in) when fully erect." While a world wide study found that national averages swing between 3.75" to almost 6.5" in length only. So basically... the average is a number that no one knows. But they all seem to agree that 7" or more is above average.

What this means to me.... Some of you would have to fuck me harder than others would. You might have to use some other tricks to keep me going, because sex isn't ALL penetration for women. So, if you know you are packin a smaller chicken to choke than the guy with the family pack... Remember you have a soft, warm, wet thing you keep in your mouth. USE IT!!! Make sure you pay attention to her, lots of girls don't get shy when fuckin and will TELL YOU what the fuck you are supposed to be doin at that moment.... "Hit me. Spank me. Pull my hair. Call me a slut. Bite me. DeeperHarderFasterMore." Some do get shy, then you have to pay attention to her breathing, how she's moving, the look on her face (if you can see it.) Touch her, kiss her, RAVISH her.  I've been with a few smallish guys who tricked me into thinking they were closer to the bigger end of average than they honestly were. The sex was just *that good* that I didn't pay close attention to the size at the time. Yeah, it's possible. Guys who don't try to make it feel good, and aren't back breakers... *YOU* are the reason girls like me say 'size matters.'

See... if guys would pay more attention to the girl gettin her nut, she would be less likely to dog your ass out when you split up. Jus sayin. And girls, as a whole tend to over look things about how good a guy is in bed while they are together, if you are fulfilling her other ways, she will ignore that you are the worst lay ever. But it doesn't matter how good of a boyfriend you are, if you suck in bed, and you break up... she's putting your shit on blast. So, put some EFFORT into being a good lover. Don't be a lazy fuck.

Another interesting fact I found was that homosexual men are on average larger than heterosexual men. Fuckin figures. Why is it every time we turn around gay men are more and more what we want as women?? Just kidding. I like having a guy who doesn't envy me for how big my balls are. But I thought it was interesting.

Another big fuckin debate going on is circumcision. Guys who aren't bitching about guys who are, some guys who are crying about feeling robbed. Chicks bitching about both sides. But listen... this is the low down on that... I have a son. I did have him snipped. I did it because it's EASIER. Boys are lazy, and they go through a phase where it's okay to stink and not shower. ICK. I don't regret my choice. Neither does my kid. I did what's best, like it or not.

As for being a woman in the bedroom, It doesn't really feel any different either way... at least not to me. Especially, as was eloquently brought up on the forum, if you WEAR A CONDOM! Which should never be a second thought. The only time you should be without a condom is when you are married!!! Anylaid, the bottom line is, most women don't want a dirty cock in their mouth, or anywhere else for that matter. If you AREN'T circ'd make sure you wash your shit!! Nothing grosser than gettin ready to gobble the goods and it's got funk wafting off it.

So... Just think about these things, do with it whatever you want... It's just some Slut's opinion. But I will leave you with this....


Thursday, November 24, 2011


This is the time of year that I hate being single. Douchebag and I had years of traditions we observed every year. By this time, we would have our friends gathered in our home, and I would be pulling a smaller, turkey out of the oven. The spread would be laid out... and I left NOTHING to be desired, everything from scratch. Baked bread, 5 different pies, all the trimmings. It was our annual 'Thank God we can go back to normal' party. Music, cards, kids laughing... it was our non blood family, coming together to drink and be merry.

Now, here I am sitting in this house, alone. Not even my Buh here to watch TV with me. I haven't seen nor spoke to anyone in my family today. No one has tried to call me, no one has reached out to me. It's okay.. I guess I don't really need to be with anyone today... I don't want sympathy, I don't want anyone to feel bad for me.... I just want those who are alone too, to know there are others out there who are sitting on the couch, laptop fired up, watching pointless TV, being lonely too.

Tomorrow we would be putting up our tree, and I would be digging out hand made ornaments that would be between 20 and 5 years old. Listening to caroles and laughing together. Tomorrow I am going to sleep all day, get up, and sit here on my laptop, like I do everyday. I won't put up a tree, Sissy B will, but it's not going to be mine. It won't have traditional ornaments on it.

I spent a few hours with Lil Bit and her family today, it was a nice time. It was sweet of Buh's girlfriend's dad to invite both of us to dinner. Video games, food, a movie... Even a nap on the couch. But it wasn't the same. We dropped Buh off with Douchebag and my ex family-in-laws. Douchebag came outside when we pulled in. I hate even being AROUND that asshole. The things that have come from that vile mouth about me... Ugh. Then I came home to an empty house. Sissy B, Midget and the kidders are all at Sissy B's sister's house. Not sure when they will be home.

I've cried a few times since I have been home. I am not a creature of quiet. I am a social butterfly, and feel more myself when surrounded by people to cater to and perform for... ESPECIALLY during the holidays. Tomorrow I will be back to normal. I will be rough and ready with my thick skin firmly back in place. I just really miss having a family. I miss my mom, I miss the laughter, I miss a lot of things.

I absolutely ABHOR being lonely. Guess it's time to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Okay... here goes....

So, I know you have all been chomping at the bit to find out what the next chapter in the saga is... Did we? Didn't we? Are we still at a stagnation? Have we progressed, digressed, fucked like monkeys screamin in the trees? Does he still call me? Do we still talk? What's going on with The Slut and THE Boy?!?!

Well, yeah. Maybe once I know where this is going or what to expect, I will tell you the wicked details. The thing he laughs about is how chill we were about it afterwards. There wasn't that Oh My GAWD! We jus- Jesus FUCK! 17 years and finally... Holy Shit!! It was like nothing had happened, total comfortableness. Right back to being US. He said that on his way home, he had a moment of surrealism... That moment of disbelief that it had FINALLY happened. But it was over soon, and he wanted to turn around and come back and bang it out again.

MY weirdness was the next night. Is he going to call?? If he does, are we going to be weird with each other? What will we talk about? Are we together now? Are we just bennies? Is he going to go back to her? FUCK! Why am I all fucking girly about this shit?? Why does it matter? Because I like him. I like him a lot.

He did call. We talked like we always have, save the extra giggles any time we talked about us fuckin. He's called me every night. Unless I call him first. We do spend hours on the phone. He's been sick, so he basically mopes, and I try to make him feel better. For the most part, he seems pretty into me. On occasion, maybe once or twice, he's made me think maybe not. Then the next night, he's back to being himself. He makes me giggle like a school girl at her first crush. He's so funny and have I mentioned how fucking HOT he is?? He's adorable because he argues with me that he's not that good looking... but I can hear the smile in his voice when I tell him that he's better looking than this famous guy or that one.

I think the nights he's been short, it's that whole 'if we're going to start seeing each other, you need to see the asshole I can be too.' I can handle that. I was married to a douchebag, assholes are nothing compared to that.   Besides, most people do that, you just have to learn to look past it, and push on.

On the nights he's normal... We laugh, we pseudo plan our wedding. It's hilarious. We aren't even together, but we have our wedding 'planned' even worked on the guest list some... We're terrible and going to go to hell, I swear. We decided that I should not only invite Douchebag, but request to be walked down the aisle... It's only fitting that Doucher give me away... I mean, amirite? And it's going to be a (get ready for this Epic Amazingness) Luau/goth/celebrity/beach wedding. Yeah, you read that right... Not sure how it's going to play out... but whatev's I'll work it out. As long as on our 5 year, I get that Redneck/Hilljack/bubble gum and aquanet/ white trash wedding that I want. Yeah... that's right. I want big hair and a white denim miniskirt wedding dress with lucite stripper stilettos.

Anyways, it's after 2, and I think I am going to call him to see how he's feeling. Maybe in the next blog I will tell you about the 4 ct solitaire we've discussed, and he's trying to talk me down to a half carat... smh. He just doesn't get it... just does.not.get.it. But I will teach him, if it gets that far... he will learn.


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Like it or not, I am still a girl

And sometimes I will be moody, and mushy and all feelings about shit. But mostly it's just about the people I love. I'm not in love with anyone, not in a romantic way. But I do have a lot of love in me, and it spills to the ones I hold close to my heart. This blog is for them.

Nan has been my best friend since I was 14. She's been there, she's held me when I cried. I can not express how much I love her. So close, we had babies 2 months apart. Bitch got me knocked up... I swear that shit is contagious!! I love you Nan... even when I am mad, even when you are mad. I love you.

Jennybae I have known since 6th grade, when I was the outgoing friendly girl who walked up to the shy quiet new girl and said "HAI! I guess you could call me the welcome wagon, cause I wanna be your friend!" She's known secrets and giggles for as long as I can remember. She is my sister. Jennybae, you are amazing. I love you sweetheart, and you will find your complete happiness. I feel it in my bones.

Sissy B is a fucktabulust best friend that I can't even describe. She's THERE, every day with me... in the trenches, helping me come out of everything bad that's happened to me. She listens every time I need to spout. I love her like a crackwhore loves suckin dick. Sissy B.... I love you and Midget. Thank you for bringing me into your family, and playing mom and dad to me... it's cute and it's funny and I adore it.

Ass... Oh he is going to be mad about being on the mushy list... but I love him. He went out of his comfort zone and was a supportive, amazing friend when my mom died. Cope and deal Sweets... it's a good thing when I can say that. Don't get all excited... I ain't lettin you hit it again... I don't love you all like that. But if you ever need me... I'm here. Takes a bit more than being a good friend and bending me over to make me fall in love... so you are PERFECTLY SAFE! (You aren't even in the line up anymore.... so that should tell you something.) But it's fun to flirt with you and run my mouth!! :P

I want to give a special mention to those in The Neighborhood. You know who you are... And I love you too. It's nice to have you there when I need to hide.

And of course... my deviants.... I couldn't have survived loosing my mom without my page and those who follow it. I <3 you all too... you guys make the work worth it.

So... For all of you.....


Monday, November 21, 2011

The history of THE Boy.

Some of you haven't been very supportive of THE Boy... Hatin on him, and he doesn't even know he should be defending himself... LOL!! I know, it's because most of you don't want me hurt. But Imma big girl, and I like him. Top that off with, I am prepared for this to go no where, do nothing and just be a memory at some point in our friendship.

I mentioned earlier that him and I were friends like from the time we were 12 to when we were like 17/18. He was my *best* friend. Him and I were ALWAYS hangin out. He only lived a few blocks up from me, and he'd just walk down and we'd sit on the front porch listen to the radio, or go in and watch tv or whatever. Around 14, I kissed him. I thought maybe he liked me, and I figured I would make the first move, for the first time in my young life. He kissed me back... But the next morning at the bus stop, he didn't speak to me. So I didn't speak to him, ball in his damn court. I expected him to either a.) sack up and tell me he wasn't interested or b.) ask me out. Neither happened. For about a week, we were severely AWKWARD with each other. After that, we were back to being us. I could call him whenever and say "come chill." He'd come chill. I always still liked him, he made me feel safe. I knew he was watching out for me. Nothing was ever said again about the kiss, but I was always a little ego slapped cause he ignored it. He dipped out when I was around 17. I didn't really knew why, but at 17, I had a new baby, and was doin the grown up thing. He was still partying and being young. That's what I attributed his absence to. But I knew I missed him.

Fast forward 11 or 12 years, I'm working as a cashier at a large retail store. I was on the 'only the worms get up this fucking early' shift. So, it was early enough that I could stand and bullshit with my customers without having a line. This guy comes up, and throws some crap on the belt, and I start ringin him out. I actually LOOKED at him, those who work in a position like that know what I mean. But I LOOKED at this guy. I immediately grinned at him, and inferred a very old joke between us. It took him a second (I look nothing like I looked then) and he grinned back. We talked for a few minutes, and he left. Now, the whole time he was standing there talking to me, all I could do was think 'I shoulda fucked you when I was single.' As I have mentioned... he's a side of LAWD HELP ME! wrapped in a double layer of Oh fuck me please!! He is FINE. I seen him a few times at the store, but that's all I knew of him for a long time, he never really even TRIED to keep in touch after seeing me that day.

January, this year. I am halfway through my year of hell. My marriage had fallen apart and the douche I had put my best years into was playing me for a fool. My FB would text me my notifications. I was laying in bed, depressed, hurt, angry, and my phone went off. Facefuck. THE Boy had sent me a friend request. I hadn't seen him at work for a while. He'd never tried calling me. Nothing. But when that notification came through, I was pretty happy. Saying that now, sounds weird. But he was the only guy I had ever trusted in my life. He had been my best friend. I figured he was making the effort now, he was serious about being my friend again. We started catching up, reviving our friendship. He worked midnights, and has a boring job. So we would text or talk on the phone all night. He was engaged. He was doing okay for himself. Had been in some trouble. Oh and was in love with me back then, and that's why he lost contact. His family was doing---


Wait. What was that?? Let's go back.... He left my life because he had been IN LOVE WITH ME?? Turns out, yet again, I was some boy's first love and he, stupidly, never did anything about it. Some of the nights I called and said "let's chill" he was with his random girl and would be getting ready to dick her down, and he'd bounce out on her to come kick it with me. I NEVER EVEN KNEW HE HAD GIRLFRIENDS!! When he laid all this on me, I was informed that I was also his first kiss. He would stand his girlfriends up for me. He hid girlfriends from me, because he didn't want me to think he was a jerk. Looking back, it all makes sense, and I was blind to it. But like I tell him all the time... After that first kiss... the ball was in his court. HE was the one who decided to put it down and go play another game. In all that time, I had never considered that there was a third option to manning up or asking me out. It turns out it was c.) he was so shocked that I liked him back, he didn't know what to do.

THE Boy had stayed in my life waiting for the perfect time to tell me how he felt about me. The perfect time never came. Once, there was almost a something... but someone else got involved and I ended up going to bed alone while he had closet fun with one of my friends. For over 3 years he waited. Finally he left because he thought I was finally happy. He let go of me. He went and lived his life. He left because he thought I had what I'd wanted, and he cared enough to let go. He felt enough that he had to break ties with me in order to do so. When I asked him why he never told me, he said because he wanted me to be happy over anything, even if it hurt him. How fuckin emo sweet is that???

For a few months, we had solidly worked on becoming friends again. Then, the night of Easter Sunday, he had posted on my wall "Happy Zombie Jesus day! Hope yours was great!" or something closely related to this. A few short hours later, he posted on my wall about how he had a family now, and that he needed to concentrate on that, and he needed to let go of his past, and the people that were in it and then deleted me from his facebook. What the fucking fuck?!? Oh my fuck me!! I was CONFUSED I was PISSED. I went without talking to him for awhile, obviously. I waited until I wasn't hurt and mad and I would be able to carry on an adult conversation as to why he would do that to me. He knew everything that was going on in my life, how Doucher was fuckin with my head, and how I felt so God damn broken that I thought I would never date again, let alone love... (I know, collective gasp that The Slut was giving up sex!!) I waited about a month, and I called him at work one night like WTF? Basically, it was the fiancee. He didn't want to lose me, but she was uncomfortable with the friendship. I can respect that, I didn't like it, but I respected it. It pissed me off, cause yeah, I woulda rocked his world had he been single... he wasn't. But had I been her, I probably woulda felt the same as she did. He sends me a request from his other FB profile, and we go back to talking every night. Nothing was going to happen. We'd been friends since middle school for fuck's sake!!

Yeah, so it got to the point where we could talk for two weeks then not be able to talk for two weeks. The sexual tension between us was wicked. He deleted me again, but in a week or two we were talking again. There were old feelings brought up, new feelings confusing everything. I was too scared to admit anything for a hot minute. When I did, he said "You aren't alone in this. But I can't leave her over this, if we don't work... it HAS to be because her and I didn't work, not because of you." I agreed whole heartedly. Not long after that we stopped talking again. He blocked me from his main profile. This time I didn't try for 3 months. Then my mom died. (And that catches you up.. if you read the other blogs. if not, go.read.them.)

Now, things are so weird. How do you go from that.. to this?? Now... I guess you want to know if we hooked up? But I'm not telling you in this blog. I'm just giving you the history, maybe so you can better understand the dynamic of our friendship. I know what I am getting into. I really do. I already told you it almost feels like game. So my guard isn't completely down. But it's down enough to let me like him... let me think of things... I will say.. I am so confused. So fucking confused. I don't know how I should feel about this. I am at a loss. I have never been here before. And I don't know what's coming next, and it scares the fucking shit out of me. Because in the end... it might still just be game.


Sunday, November 20, 2011

Shy Dick

Shy Dick is the most embarrassing thing that can happen to a guy. (I'm guessing. I mean, if I were a dude, I would be ready to slit my wrists if I got a case of it.) Shy dick is the dick that just doesn't want to work. No matter what you do, it's just NOT HAPPENING. It could be awake and raring to go, but once you get it close to that warm whett home, it decides it's still sleepy and conks back out. There can be a bunch of reasons for this phenomena. Lets explore some of them now...

You have successfully bullshitted her into believing you are the MACK DADDY and can lay it down like a tile layer. She's there, under you, panting and moaning and ready. And it hits you. 'This bitch is out of my league. HOW am I going to pull this off?' Your junk shrivels in your hand as you are trying to get it in. She's too fucking hot for you. You know it, your little man knows it too. He's scared, he's playing shy because he's pretty damn sure she's had bigger, better and more beautiful. There's NO FUCKING WAY you are going to be able to pull off Don Juan with this one. How do you overcome this?? I am not particularly sure, but it would probably work if you look at her. Really look at her hard. She's GOT to have a few flaws. Maybe that one tooth that's crooked, or the dimples in her cheeks- her ass cheeks. Find a few of her flaws, make her human. Man, I am grasping at straws here. Close your eyes and picture an ugly girl. This is just a stupid part of the boy brain. Seriously. The hotter the guy is the whetter I get. Stop fuckin around. And if he's too hot for me?? Well.. I guess we'll discuss that when it happens... cause it hasn't yet.

You are at a party, beer bongs and beer pong and big boy whiskey. Chick is ON YOUR NUTS HARD. Every beer you down, she gets a bit more do-able. That horrific overbite straightens out, her unibrow gives her forehead definition, her extra 40 pounds makes her titties bigger. She makes her move, and even tho your buddies are standing behind her waving their hands and making the "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" face, you let her. She drags you into the bathroom and the glare of the white light off the gleaming tile snaps you into sobriety just enough to see what you are about to do... and your johnson not only gets shy, but crawls up inside you and threatens to run away if you try to force it in that. You COULD close your eyes and think of Jessica Alba, but it's too late now... Excuse yourself before you vomit and pray she just leaves the party.

Same party, later that night.... She's perfect through your beer goggles. Not too pretty, not too ugly, nice rack, tight ass and she's DTF. You take her outside, hot and heavy the second you are alone... gettin ready to get it in... and your peep is too drunk to fuck. So drunk it doesn't even want to throw up on this chick's face. There is no fix for this dude. You are SOL. You can't even try to sober up and expect it to help. IT DOESN'T.

So, my advice? Don't drink too much, don't do too many drugs, don't try to fit into the majors when you know you can only bat at a minors level. That's just a Slick Silly Slut's humble opinion...


Saturday, November 19, 2011

Guest blog for Sarcastic Mama: Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

We've all been there, long term serious relationship goes sour for one reason or another. You part ways. A week or so later you are cranky and mean and you know what it is... you need fucked. Do you want to put the effort into gettin so fresh and so clean? Do you want to really smile in the mirror and work on your lines? OR... try to call that ex. There are perks and trap doors to this idea. Let's talk about them.


All you have to do is shower and maaaaayyybeee shave. I mean seriously, long term, serious relationship, he's seen your legs hairy. You don't even have to put on makeup if you don't want to. BONUS!! Maybe it's just me, but I hate spending the twenty minutes to put makeup on, and the half hour to forty five minutes to do my hair JUST to have the makeup smeared and the hair ratted up in an hour or two.

You CAN shower, shave, spend two hours getting knock out'd up. Call that mother fucker and have him come over and you can PUT IT THE FUCK DOWN and make him hurt because he should still want your ass like he needs air! This is a revenge fuck, in one of it's plainest forms.

You already know what to expect. He knows what you like, you know what he likes, just makes for easier, and quite possibly a better fuck. Definitely quicker and smoother... And by quicker I mean to make it to the sheets.

Some of the downers of it~

Well... he could say no. And let's face it... if he says no, it's going to hurt. He might say no on principle. If you left him, he could be severely butthurt and going to say NO to get some of his ego back. But he could say yes, hopin if he puts it down on you, you will see the error of your ways. If he left you, chances are he's already bonin' someone else. If he's a true dog, he might fuck you behind her back. Which could be fun and exciting. So you got a 50/50 shot either way.

Emotions. The bane of any true slut's existence. And I am not talkin about his feelings. If you have a touch of feelings left, sex is only going to amp them up. Don't think you are pimp and can pull it off. You can't. If you still have that dreaded disease FEELINGS, move on and go to the bar. Because the only thing that's going to happen is that you are going to let every second thought run through your mind while he's thinkin about his nut. You will get hurt again, even worse than the original break up. It's just going to be all kinds of messy.

Okay, and here's another bad one... If you aren't together anymore, who's to say it's still clean?! Most people run out and fuck someone else as soon as they are single. It helps wipe the slate clean, it's where the Rebound thing comes into play. How many rebounds have they had since you split?? Oh, ya don't know?? Were they safe when they were sweating with someone else?? Oh yeah, you don't know that either... You weren't there. People lie.

I guess it all boils down to where you stand with your ex. How do you feel about your ex? Are you pimp enough to not have any feelings except physical? Are you secure in yourself enough that if they laugh at you when you make your booty call, that you won't hurt?

Personally, my boy brain kicks in... and I think to myself... "Been there, done that." While I am shaving my legs to go to the bar. We all know that there's bigger, better and more beautiful out there... So why shouldn't I continue on my quest to find it? I would only call an ex out of desperation, and that doesn't happen. I'm too fuckin cute for me to be desperate.

Now, go dig out your flat iron and your make up bag... it's Ladies' night at the local bar.....

~The Slut


Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Varying Degrees of "NSA Sex"

I was recently talking to a guy about things going on in my life, when it dawned on me that some guys DON'T know the rules and guidelines to being a good benny. Since there are some people who aren't aware of this, maybe they don't know the subtle differences to bennies, buddies, and booty calls. So we'll go over this and the rules of each. We'll start with the lowest on the list here...

Booty Call~ Refers to the act as well as the recurring person. The actual call is normally placed between midnight and 3 am. Constitutes a request for a fuck. Usually met with exuberance and or glee. You converge, bang it out, and deuce up when it's over. In some cases, it does take some work on the behalf of the pursuer, to get to this point. There may have been long talks on the phone, thousands of text messages, lengthy facebook messages, maybe even a date or two. In others, it's just knowing a broad is down for it. She makes no bones about being okay with honest to fuck NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Find one of these, and it's like hitting the jackpot. In either case, once it has become booty call status, there is no unneeded conversations, there is no long phone time, or even surplus face time. Soon as the door closes, there's a mutual disregard to social niceties, and on to the fucking. There are NEVER presents, gifts or dates after it becomes booty call status. The ONLY time you see this person is to fuck. The only time you talk to this person is to set up a time/place to fuck.

Fuck Buddy~ A fuck buddy is someone who you hang out with, but aren't 'dating' them. You get together, watch a few movies, order pizza, play video games and fuck. You might even go to the bar with them, and chill for the evening. Yet again, every time you hang out with this person you fuck them. The difference between this and a booty call is that you do OTHER things and fuck. You don't hang out with a fuck buddy and NOT fuck. You call a fuck buddy between relationships, or when not looking for a new bedwarmer. You don't do lengthy phone calls, but you can talk on the phone. You still only hang out with a fuck buddy when planning to fuck. You don't do dinner dates at expensive restaurants, but stopping at McDonald's or BK and springin for a few burgers is okay. There are no gifts, unless they specifically pertain to the fuck part of your buddy. If you try appealing to the buddy part of your fuck buddy, that makes this something all together different, it makes it bennies, or friends with benefits. (Next section) Fuck buddies is still considered NSA, because it's a mutual understanding that at any moment one or both parties may fall out of buddy-ness. When this happens, it is to be met with a shrug and life continues.

Benny~ This is also known as Friends With Benefits (FWB). Bennies are *not* NSA. But most people like to pretend it is. It's kinda like dickin down your best female friend. She knows you. She knows your favorite shows. You bitch about work to her, and you tell her when things are lookin up. You hang out with her and you don't HAVE to fuck. You text her because you saw something funny and knew she would laugh too. There's no romance, there's no flowers, there's no gifts. (Except on birthdays and gift giving holidays. Typically with a $20 limit) There's no 'dating' -but there is a sense of comfortableness. It's like relationship-lite. It's for those people who have a fear of commitment, and would much rather "keep things casual" but know there's someone readily available for weddings/dinner parties/social events. Typically bennies are only fuckin one person. A type of 'break-up' is needed to end this arrangement. It's not a traditional break-up. This can also be handled by a slow weening off of sex with the other person.

I hope this clears up any confusion... but in case you are still perplexed as to if you fall into one of these categories, answer a few of these questions....

1.) Are you having sex with this person?
Yes. Proceed to question 2.
No. You are just friends.

2.) Do you only hear from this person in the middle of the night?
Yes. You may be a booty call, refer to next question.
a.) When they call/text, are they asking to come over to fuck?
Yes. This means this is a booty call.
No. Then why the fuck are they calling you in the middle of the night?!?!

No. Calls/texts in the evening.
a.) Are they making plans to hang out that evening or the next?
Yes. You are most likely a fuck buddy.
No. If they are calling to just talk and BS, you may be a benny.

No. Calls/texts any time day or night.
a.) Are you spending time together inside and outside of the bedroom?
i.) Are you going to expensive dinner dates?
Yes. You're dating fuckhead.
No. You are probably bennies.

No, just inside the bedroom. You are probably a fuck buddy on it's way to benny.

No, just outside the bedroom. If you were sleeping together at one point, and are no longer spending time in the bedroom, you are going through a 'break' from a benny.

I hope that this insight has helped you classify your NSA arrangement. If you have further questions, I don't know what to tell you. I laid it out pretty cut and dry. You shouldn't be getting laid if you don't understand where you fit after this.


Sunday, November 6, 2011

Like Campbell's soup...

Who me?? What do I taste like? I taste like dreams come true, I taste like the sweetness of a first kiss wrapped up in the wickedness of experience, like exquisite torture and the epitome of perfection. That's what I taste like.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Dancin at 7:30 on a Friday morning??

That's right... I am sittin here boppin to LMFAO's Sexy and I Know It, smoking a cigarette, gettin kidders ready for school. (They are watchin Robots on FX right now.) Yes, I called THE Boy last night. He yelled at me cause I fell asleep Thursday morning and he tried calling me again. While we were on the phone, lots of things were discussed and traipsed about and giggled over and pseudo planned. I am happy when we are just bullshitting, discussing things like religion, and ink, and music, and family. We talked about family too. About what's going to happen when he looses what I have lost, and how he's going to freak out. And he admires me for staying so strong.

We talked about music, and how he had Adam Lambert's What Do You Want From Me stuck in his head. I played it. Just cause sometimes that helps. It's NOT his style of music. Not even close. But for some reason he says it fits how he feels right now. hmmmmmm... veddy veddy interesting. Jus' sayin'.

So, for your listening pleasure....

How would YOU take that???


Thursday, November 3, 2011


Oh my fucking gawd. If this mother fucker doesn't pillage and plunder through my goodies soon I swear I will have to hurt him!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

He called me tonight. I thought he was on vacation. He only had Sunday and Monday nights off. When I didn't call him at all last night, he called me at 12:30, so he had to of busted through his work for the night to call me as soon as he could. Which makes me happy. He's also sticking to the "they are done." Excuse for the weekend?? He didn't have the gas to come get me. He said it would've been pointless to call me just to say "I really wish you were here." Which is a good point. But he's made plans for this coming weekend with me. We'll see, I'm not trying to get my hopes up too high because they will just get busted up again, and I ain't tryin to kill him. {at least like that... But let's face it.. I plan on breaking him at some point.}

I'm kinda nervous. He's talking long term ("One day in the distant future we're going to just get done fuckin and I am going to...") Wait. Wha-?? I just wanna fuck a few times. Just check it out, test drive the damn car before I lease it, let alone think of buyin it. How can I be expected to be in a serious relationship right now?? Ummm... I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I *WANT* to do it. I mean, IF there was a guy I would consider settling down with, it would be one of two guys, and he's one of them. I just don't know if I am ready for all that. If it happens, and it's comfortable, then I won't bitch about it. But I am not looking for Mr Right. I'm looking for Mr wants to bust a nut Right Now. I am having fun being the Slut. Being balls out, completely sexual. I don't know if I could do that in a relationship.

But I am not going to sweat this. I am PIMPSKITTLES! Let's just get the naked part handled a few times. We'll see where we stand then. I hope he's good. I hope he's mind numbing inexplicably GOOOOOOOD.... He already looks like a side of "LAWD HELP ME!" wrapped in a double layer of "FUCK ME!" Let's hope he fucks as good as he looks. The way he talks... he MIGHT be the only man live to have the HOPE of breaking me, and making me beg for mercy. And that, is my quest. Be broken... Beg for mercy because it's too amazing.

Okay, he's going to be calling me back. So Imma close.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


Skin of painted alabaster, eyes of the ocean. Swaying hips, and whetted lips. Tempting luscious curves, soft hollows, all warm to your touch. Run your hands over my body, make my breath hitch in anticipation. Press the hard plane of you against the malleable flesh of me. Fill me, complete me. Make me moan.


You want me to describe this lust? The heaviness I feel when you are close? The shiver you send through my body from just a raised eyebrow? I can not. When I try I am slick, and swollen. The feel of your body pressed against mine is anything but chaste, even when we try so hard to fight the desire. When you whisper in my ear these deviant little things, they twist in me, they awaken things better left sleeping. The day this is consummated, the day we finally unleash this deamon, Heaven and Hell will collide, and all shall be chaos.


A sultry sigh, a shivering thigh, a dream to touch you. Lips parted, the rush of whett, the pillaging of my wanton desire. I beg you, take me. I beg you, break me.


Come to me, my sweet, my love, my ache. Lay your head upon my breast and lie here quietly. Let me whisper to you all the wondrous things I plan to do to you in the dark, in the night. Let me trail my nails over your skin with the slightest bite. Let me make you arch and moan, heave and beg. Come to me, my sweet, my love, my ache.



I've thought about this tonight... What goes through my mind when I am about to get laid... this is what's going on in the brain of Slut when there are hands and mouths everywhere and the moments leading up to it....

Okay, is this going to happen or what?? It better be good, that's all I got to say... Oh Oh Oh I think he's makin his move!! Oh- well I guess not. Do my tits look good? ::look down, and adjust them out more so they are more obvious:: Imma lean forward a bit too, doe eye him a little bit. Maybe he'll get it then!! Yup.. Houston we have lift off!! Oh wow... he's pretty good at this kissing thing... In three, two, one... ARCH AND MOAN. Perfect, his hands are moving now... touch--yeah... that's what mami likes... Mouth lower, lower, lower... yeah you better spend some time with the girls mmmmmmhhhmmmmmmm... Wait. Where did my shirt go for you to get them? WHEN did my shirt go--- Ahhh fuck who cares? You are working that mouth pretty good. Here, put your hands here, pants gone to?? Shit I am naked. I didn't realize there was this much light in this room. Too fucking late now. Dammit.Shit.Fuck.Sonuvabitch. Please let him be just too damn turned on to notice that I'm better in clothes. HOLY FUCK ME!!! I don't even care as long as he doesn't stop with that tongue!! Oh Jesus!! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW Stop what you are doing and fuck me til I die! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH YES!! Deeperharderfastermore!!!!

That's it. Now, I am not saying it's the same every time. But that's the general gist of it.

Am I alone?


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

That feeling in my gut

I hate it. Everyone feels it different. To me it's like a sack of pythons squiggling around in that low part of my belly. Right above and behind my pubic bone. If it feels like that to you, you know what the hell I am talking about. I need laid. Badly. Now, I know damn good and well, that I could get fucked six ways to Sunday. -But- I'm not into the guys who wanna bang it out right now. The FEW that I would let them have full access to the goodies, just don't seem to WANT the full access. Which is a bit rough on the ego. I guess it's just whatever.

All I know is that sexual frustration is the worst physical feeling. It's actually pain for me. Literal.Pain. Now, I am not one of those girls who plays coy like I never masturbate. I rub 'em out more than any guy I know. Even when I am being dicked on the regular, I masturbate like it's my job. But it's getting to the point where it's only lessening the ache for a few minutes, then it grows and swallows me back up.

WHY CAN'T I GET LAID??? Why does life fucking suck?? I am going to go lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes.


Adulation for the Lucid

I am not stupid. I know I come off as a little brain dead sometimes, but I always know the score, even when I try to ignore the game. Attempt to ignore the game is what I have been trying desperately to do. It's not working. I am failing miserably. It hurts, a little, but mostly it pisses me off. I know better than this shit. Did I see it coming? Yes. Did I know it was going to be right here pissed and irritated? Yes. Did I do one God damn thing to stop it? Nope. Not one damn thing. It's that stupid girl part of my brain. Hold onto fairytales, believe in love, unicorns shit butterflies and dicks taste like skittles. Fuck that. I hate that I have that little, bubbly, pink ribbon in her hair, BITCH in my head, encouraging me to go all out, put myself out there... SOMEONE will catch me. Lies. The bitch lies.

Thursday night, I called THE Boy. He informs me that not only did him and his girl split, but he wants to do something with me over the weekend. Can you hear the excitement in the typing? I thought I was going to DIE!! No bullshit, we weren't pullin punches. We've already discussed how if we were alone in a social setting, our actions wouldn't fall on the permissible end of things... Seeings how he was engaged and we were 'just friends.' I was geeked. We both knew damn good and well what was being thrown out there. After 17 years, we were going to put the other to the test... See who was going to cry for mercy first. He made sure he had my phone number again, and said he'd call me over the weekend. We bullshitted for some time, and he told me he was going on vacation for this week.

Now, I have never been the type of girl to sit by the phone for a guy. FUCK THAT! I like having messages. It makes a bitch feel important when she's got messages. Even when I had a cell phone (which I do not have, they get me in trouble) I would ignore calls on purpose so I had messages. So, sit by the phone isn't my thing. But I really didn't leave the house at all.. I didn't have plans or anything... Just sat here and did my thing. ALL WEEKEND. It's now Tuesday morning and I *still* haven't heard from him. These are the reasons I can come up with:

1.) Aliens have abducted him. He's in some parallel universe trying to find his way back to the here and now.

2.) He lost the piece of paper he had my number written on. (He also does not have a cell phone... also gets him in trouble.) He's spent the last few nights driving around town yelling "MARCO!!" on every block.

3.) I am not as cute/funny/sweet/fuckable as I thought. If this is true, he's the type of guy who wouldn't hurt me and tell me that's what it is, so he just pacifies me.

4.) He could also just be using it as an ego boost. Because let's face it.... If someone is fawning all over you, in that non-threatening I'm-not-a-crazy-stalker way, it boosts an ego.

5.) They got back together. An absolute possibility. But this one is more of one....

6.) They never broke up in the first place.**

I don't know if I completely buy that they split up in the first place. Call it, women's intu- no it's better than that... it's my Pimpsenses tingling. It feels like a half truth. Which is a strong game. You don't all out lie, you just twist the truth a bit. Most chicks buy half truths. They FEEL honest enough. Guys buy them because they think they are too damn awesome for a lil ole girl to get one over on them.

Since I have a pretty strong game myself, I smell it coming. Unless I don't want to. Ever since THE Boy found me in January I've debated game or truth?? I have to say, to keep me guessing, is some good fucking game. I don't WANT to believe it's all game. I want him to be honest with me completely... I'm a big girl, I can deal. But there's something OFF about the whole thing, and I think it's cause it's game.

Don't get things twisted. I am not devastated that it's game. Shit! If he thought he needed to run game, I feel a fuck ton of amazingsauce. I'd've fucked him without it tho. Honesty, people, honesty. MOST guys in my life know exactly how I feel about them. If I wanna fuck them, if I am cool with hanging out with them, if they are a friend, if they are a best friend, whatever. I'm completely honest with most of them. (No, not every single one of them, because you can't TELL someone you are runnin their ass... DUH!)

I guess I am just floating. Not banking on him calling me this week, and still up in the air about if I am going to call him at work next week. That's only fair right?? He ignored me... I can ignore him. But if he calls... I am fucking him like he's the last lay I will ever have. Once I am done with him, he's going to CRAVE me. That's what he deserves for this. ;)