Thursday, April 26, 2012

My Pithy Advice for a Girl Lost

I am a fan of your FB page and I enjoy it! I need advice about something. Yes, it is about a guy.

I have involved myself with a married guy (I can hear your sigh already). He and I have been going round for 8 months now. We are at the point were I have fallen for him a little. He says his marriage is all but over but staying for his kids blah blah blah. He does admit that the reason why his marriage fell apart is because of his choices. He and I have not slept together but we have kissed a couple times.

Some time ago, I got tired of the back and forth and the bullshit so I asked him to either choose me or not. I just don't want to live in this limbo anymore. As expected, he didn't choose me. I knew this would happen but it doesn't make it hurt any less. So, I sucked it up and I realize I need to move on (even though I don't want too).

I am talking to this nice guy who is great. We are friends. We have slept together a few times but I feel bad about it. I am emotionally unavailable because of the married guy. (The New guy is emotionally unavailable also but for different reasons) The reason why I am emotionally unavailable is because the married guy won't leave me alone. At this point, I think he tells me shit just so I feel bad about dating. You know that saying "he doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone to have me either"?? I think that applies here.

I need some advice on what to do. Oh, the married guy and I were great friends before feelings started and we work together.

Help put me out of my misery lol.. thanks!

- lost in uncertainty.


Yes, I sighed. A deep and heavy laden sigh, that made my shoulders rise and fall. I also shook my head in the way you would expect any mother to do. A married man??? Really?? How did this happen?? It's so cliché that it makes me want to throw rocks at you like you were a boy. 

First thing first... You need to get Married Guy out of your life... STAT. Do whatever you have to do, I suggest changing your phone number, email, blocking him on Facebook, and telling him to go home to his wife until he's got divorce papers the ink is drying on. If he doesn't respect that... it shows how much you really mean to him. If he continues to try to fuck with you, I would suggest (and this is coming from a previously scorned wife who has a habit of being a little vindictive) threatening to tell his wife about his extra-curricular activities. I mean, if he doesn't give a shit about you, and your feelings, why care if it destroys his life?? It's not like she doesn't have the right to know... Wouldn't you want to know if you were the wife?? 

If Married Guy is making you feel bad about dating, and moving on, it shows what a SUPREME DOUCHEBAG he is. Do you really want to continue involvement with someone who obviously doesn't want to see you happy, even tho he doesn't want to be the one to make you happy?? Look at the situation for what it is, and getting over him may come a lot easier. He's a manipulator, and a cheater. Which means... He has no respect for any one. He doesn't understand loyalty or trust in a way that's applicable to him. No one wants that in a partner. Even fuck buddies have a level of loyalty and trust. You are not going to change him... He is who he is. Common mistake for women, we think we can change them... we can't. SOMETIMES we can modify their behavior but never can we change who they are. 

Secondly... This thing with New Guy... why feel bad about having fun? If it's understood that it's not going to go beyond what it is now, for whatever reasons, why sweat it? Just make sure you keep being honest with each other, and agree that if things change, and you start to feel more or less than you do now, that you will discuss it like grown ups. So.many.people. forget that they are grown ups. That's when the problems start. 

As long as you are attracted to New Guy, and he's NOT ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP, there's not one thing wrong with you dating him. Have fun, rock it out loud. And if you still feel guilty.. Which I don't see how you could now that I have told you what a loser Married Guy is, then take some time off dating. There's nothing wrong with taking a mourning period after something doesn't work the way you wanted it to. 

I hope I helped... this is what I would tell any one of my real life friends, sans the slap on the back of the head.

The Slut

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Who's who??

So now that I am above 30,000 fans on my Facebook page... Which I thought was impossible. Really. I had no clue that this many people would give two shits about the ramblings of a divorced, young-ish, mother of a teenager, who has the sex drive of another teenager. lol. I do have a motley bunch who make up the cast of my life... and you should all know who is who so it's easy to follow along.

First and foremost... I have a 15 year old son, he's blonde blue eyed, 6 foot and cut. If I would have known my child would be so good looking, I would have waited. Because the chile is going to make me a grandmother way before I am ready. I call him Buh on the page, and in real life. The full nickname, I am no longer allowed to call him that. It's Bubba Doo Mommy Loves You. Yes, I called him that his whole toddler life. So Buh, sounds like duh, only with a b instead.

Next we'll cover my housemates. My step sister Lil D is about 2 1/2 months pregnant. Her boyfriend, T is fresh out as of Jan. Both are in their very very early 20s. Lil D has two kids... B, my nephew, who is 8 and my niece Kay, who is 4.

Now my friends...

Nan... My best best friend since I was 14. We claim that we have been friends for 976 years. Out of all of my friends, Nan is the one that is the most like me. I wouldn't have survived skipping all of high school if it wouldn't have been for her hanging out with me all the time. :) Nan's 15 year old son, Gentle Giant, is Buh's best friend.

Sissy B I lived with her for almost a year. Her and Midget (her husband) and their hoard of children were a soothing balm on my aching soul. She is one of my best friends.

Jennybae... My oldest friend. In 6th grade she was the new girl, and I told her that she could look at me like the welcome wagon, cause I wanted to be her friend. And now, she lives 3 minutes up the road from me. <3

beta is the only friend I have that makes the effort to come see me regularly. (Aside from Jennybae) I am pretty sure beta comes down so much because I cook for him when he comes. And all he has to do is say... "You wanna cook?" and I say "Whatchu want?" He brings it, I cook it and we have a blast. He's quiet and a little backwards, but a nice guy. He's a shirt-off-his-back kind of guy.

Sit<3 is my Slut in Training. She's also one of my best friends. Her son, Potato is one of Buh's closest friends.

Stupid is Buh's dad. No, we were never married. No, we weren't together that long in the scheme of things. Yes, it took us years to be friends.

Ass is my best guy friend. We fight. A LOT. I love it. We fight about him liking my page. (he has not) We fight about him bringing me a frosty. (He will not) And him not being Superman (not even close) Ass is an important man (in his head) because he is a bucket fixer. I am very proud of him, even if he does drive me insanely crazy because he does opposite everything I tell him to do.

LLH is just... amazingface. She's one of my bests. Seriously. I can't deny it. AT ALL. I was going to go out and visit her but things with Buh came up and I had to stay home, and it just sucked. I wish I could see her. She's getting married in less than weeks, and I can't be there. :( LLH is short for Lovely Licket Holder. (Best nickname ever)

Douchebag is my ex. The name should say it all.

Regulars... did I leave anyone out??


Monday, April 23, 2012

The Best Friend Law. v2.5 (The updated version)

BFL #1. Make your best read these laws, and abide by them. (Or whichever ones you want to enforce, I'm pretty easy.)

BFL #2. You must bring me a frosty at least once a year. The size of said frosty is left to your discretion. This can, and let's be real... you're an ass so most likely will, be the smallest frosty available.

BFL #3. If either party hosts a get together and invites the other party, they must make an appearance. The only excuses to dodge said invites are as follows... sex, work, school, sleep, sex, family obligations (in which said family can't just tag along.) OH! -and sex.

BFL #4. If you have a hot single guy friend, who isn't a fucking girl, and won't fall in love, you *MUST* share him with me. You know me well enough to know what I would be attracted too, and you know sense of humor and personality are important. And no bullshit where I have to yell at you about something weird he pulled. (This law is specific to Slut/Ass friendom. But feel free to steal this law and use it for yourself.)

  • v 2.5 I do not have to share any hot female friends I have, until I have already decided if I want to keep them for myself. 
  • I also do not have to share them if they are close enough friends to me, that it would be uber awkward to let you date them. 
  • If either party has slept with a specific girl, she is off limits to the other party, unless previously agreed that she is fair game. (Kinda like a brocode, only for Sluts... Not that this should be a problem, but you never know.)
BFL #5. If I need help, and you have the ability to help me, but you don't... you have to wear a bucket on your head, denounce your bucket mastery and sing "There's a Hole in the Bucket" three times with a bucket on your head.

BFL #6. Every year on my approximate birthday, you must do something completely crazy and funny. For example, put on a Superman cape and all day and every hour on the hour stop what you are doing and say "I have an amazingface Slut in my life... today is her day." I would prefer this spectacle to happen while I am available to watch, but if you aren't able to be physically with me... Pictures and/or video is acceptable.

BFL #7. Any and all secrets shared are to be kept secrets. This doesn't include well known secrets.. like that I am fucking boss. Or that you are awesome (Yeah, I admitted it... On my blog no less... but we need to be honest here... *I* am what makes you so awesome!! lol) This DOES include my birthday, which you have hopefully forgotten the exact date already.

BFL #8. Demands for musics should always be handled in a timely fashion. (This goes either way... If you decide you need musics too.)

BFL #9. If we are ever out together, and Creepy McCreeper is creeping around... I am fully allowed to hide behind you. And vice versa, if Skankalicious St. Dirty is chasing you around, you have every right to stand too close to me... as long as it doesn't fuck up my flow with any mark I am working on.

BFL #10. I am allowed to ask any stupid question I like, and you are not allowed to say it's stupid. You can look at me stupid, you can laugh (if you aren't verbally speaking to me) and you can roll your eyes, but you can't say it's a stupid question. It will hurt my feelbad, and possibly make me cry.

BFL #11. If at any point you make me cry, I am entitled to an apology and vegetation, or a hug and a frosty. (This frosty is extra to the one a year.)

BFL #12. If you recognize the signs, you are allowed to ignore me during shark week... But if you call it wrong, and you thought it was shark week, and it wasn't.... You will owe me something. I'm not sure what yet, but a frosty is getting kinda old... so this will be decided at a later date. lol (I know I get crazy, but mostly I just get whiny... and I know I know, it gets irritating.)

BFL #13. Someday I will tell you the "Jesus story." When I do, you are allowed to laugh... but you are not allowed to hold it over my head for the rest of eternity. And if you can't promise that, you will never know the hilarity of the "Jesus story."

BFL #14. If I say you have to sleep, you have to sleep. If I say do your homework, you should do your homework. If I am taking classes and I say do my homework, you have to do my homework. I'll show you my boobs. We both know that's not a big deal to me, so I can still use it to try to get my way. lol If I say you need to eat, you know I mean a home cooked meal, and not going to dinner. This is not going to stop. So, just DO.WHAT.YOU.ARE.TOLD.

BFL #15. If you see me slippin, you are obligated to call me on it. This includes throwing rocks at me. I will cry, and then you will have to refer to BFL #11. But I will stop slippin.

BFL #16. If I ever do anything that pisses you off... you aren't allowed to bitch to other people, you are not allowed to just brood over it either. You are OBLIGATED to message/call/come over and fight it out with me. I know you think you have a temper, but I'm not scared. Besides, in my book... it's not a real friendship until you've had some ups and downs.

BFL #17. I gave you the opportunity to write a few laws yourself... and this is what you said... so I am putting it in here... "i got no rules for you lol. loyalty and trust is all i look for in a friendship" To which I replied "Those are understood DUH." (Do you have any idea how hard that was to not fix that??? I just copied and pasted and it's killing me that you didn't capitalize anything.... maybe that should be a law??)

BFL #18. You can't get mad at me for correcting your spelling and grammar. I can get mad at you for messing it up tho. 

BFL #19. No beating on inanimate objects. You can tell yourself it was full of kryptonite, you can tell the world it was full of kryptonite... but we both know you were just throwing a tizzy. So... BFL law says that from now on, if you aren't going to punch dude in the face, you have to hit something with a little give in it. No walls, trees, street signs, ball returns, cars, trains, mirrors, windows, televisions, or anything else I haven't listed but you know I wouldn't be cool with you hitting. So, until you get a heavy bag, you are stuck punching pillows, and people. Sorry. lmfao

BFL #20. Surprise friend requests are illegal from now on. I am pretty sure you know what I mean, but if not... I can and will expand on this subject.


fine print. I love fine print so much. I can write a lot in a little space and you probably can't read it and that means I can say anything I want. Like, I am glad you are my friend. Like, you know you should get me a frosty, just because it would make me happy and why wouldn't you want to make me happy? I mean seriously... everyone should want to make me happy, except those asshats who don't like me... and really is there any call for that?? No. I don't think so. I really hope you can't read this, and it's making you nervous, that would be fucking EPIC. I would giggle insanely. My luck tho, you'll be able to read it, or copy and paste it somewhere so it's big enough to read... And that's just not as funny to me. But the purpose of this fine print, aside from hopefully making you nervous, is to say Best Friend Law #21 is be open and honest. The honest part is pretty easy for you... It's scary for me. The open part seems to be a little harder for you, and is like breathing for me. But really, just do it. Or I will cry... and then you will have to bring me white calla lilies... or an orchid. I really want an orchid. But that only applies to this law. Now, stop grinning, and message me... I got things to tell you.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Is it really true?

I have been quoted toting the typical "Best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else." It sounds air tight. And previous practice has upheld this cliche time and time again. Think about it. Someone just makes you forget about life for a few hours, you remember the thrill of the hunt. I've never had a time when it didn't make me feel stronger, and more viable... and let's face it... That's the key to getting over someone. Liking someone for a little while tends to make you feel a little weak -- even if just for that person. And finding strength again is an empowering thing, which makes us chase that feeling until you realize you've let go.

But recently I have been questioning that very vapid statement. Would it really help? Or would it make feelings blow up in your face? Because it could you know?? It could make every.single.thing. you've been running from an inescapable truth. And are you ready for that? Are you ready to have to make the decisions that are going to be glaringly obvious now?

We all know that I am adamant about always being right. It's just a fact (STOP LAUGHING! It's *my* fantasy, let me live it.) So I am uncomfortable with this recent pondering of my right-ness. It'll be okay, because I will figure out a way to spin it, so I am still right, even if getting over someone is easier under someone else isn't always a true statement.

So where do you guys stand? Is the statement true? Or is it a fallacy we preach to ourselves as a coping mechanism? Comment here or send me an email.