Are you kidding me?

I really want to blog something witty and fun. Because that's how I like to blog. But really, I am so in need that I can't think of anything witty and fun to write. All I keep thinking of is hands and a mouth and sweat and moans and gasps and FUCK. I have had a steady headache for about four days. It's my version of blue balls. lol. I try to just stay busy, bullshit with friends, and try NOT to talk about sex too much. Once that thought crosses my mind, I can't think of anything else... I might as well just go to sleep because I am about worthless. It doesn't help  that Rí is all through my damn head.

He could send me a message that says "Hi. How are you?" and I am so giddy I'm fuckin creamin. I am not happy about this. I don't like that he's got that kind of power over me. I am, on the other hand, quite proud of myself that he still has no fucking clue. I'm amazing at keeping everyone else's secrets... my own?? Notsomuch.

Thing is.... I've been told many times that I am the type of girl who only wants what she can't have. So maybe if he'd start chasing me a bit I would lose interest and be OTTNO. Which would make me soo happy. I don't want anything right now. Nothing but a steady piece. Just someone I can call and say "Let's spend some time together..." and know I'll get a few laughs and a handful of orgasms out of it.

For right now tho, I want to hands and knees crawl across the floor to him, to curl up in his lap and just lick him. I want to hear him whimper my name. I want to beg him to do every little thing I have fantasized him doing. I want him to own me, even if just for two or three hours. FUCK.I.NEED.LAID.

I know I could make a few phone calls and have it taken care of... Right this moment. I know there's at least 1 guy I could say "Hey, I need you to handle this for me." and they would drop everything and come running. No games, no strings attached, no bullshit... They'd fuck the hell out of me and nothing would be different when I got dressed and walked out the door. But I would still have this exact need once we were done. Because it wouldn't be Rí. To be completely honest, I don't even know if Rí can sate me... but he'd be the one to come the closest.

Tomorrow night is the New Year. For the second one in a row I won't have anyone to kiss me at the stroke of midnight. I've considered asking Rí what he's doing... but I won't. Yeah... Cause I suck. And I doubt that anyone will ask me out. Cause again... I suck. lol. So I will most likely be at home, watching 4 loud children tear through the house while Midget sleeps in the recliner and Sissy B fights to stay awake. OR, I will be at Nan's just me her and the boys.

Gawd I am lame.

Hope your New Year is amazing.
*BSWK*

The Doormat Part One -- The EnVogue Playa

It was recently been brought to my attention that there is a breed that needs addressed.... The Doormat. This is that one friend you have that bends over backwards for someone who is OBVIOUSLY not into them. There are two forms of this... there's the Pussy Whipped Boy/ Dick Busted Bitch, and the EnVogue Playa. We're gonna talk about the second group in this blog... Cause there's A LOT I have to say about this shit.

The EnVogue Playa... Let me explain the name first. Not everyone is going to understand it, you kind of have to be old enough to remember the group EnVogue and one of their biggest hits. 'Never Gonna Get It.' Are the pieces falling into place now?? Everyone knows this guy, sadly enough this happens to guys more than girls. This guy will drop $200 on a new wardrobe for you, buy you the newest phone, hangs on to your every word, will even hop up and scurry across the room for you when you want to sit where he's at. Girls also call this guy a Sugar Daddy, because life is fucking sweet when you ain't gotta do shit to get taken care of.

This guy has zero chance of hitting it. You know it from jump. He, on the other hand, hasn't a fucking clue. He thinks the sweeter he is, the more he gives, the better his chances are of gettin in them panties. Truth is, if he threw the two's at you and started ignoring you, sportin a rolex (that he could afford if he wasn't supporting you and your habits) talkin to your hot friend... You would be all.the.fuck.over.him. If he called you on your bullshit "I am just focusing on me right now, I can't be in a relationship right now" and said "Ai'ght... You do you, Imma do me." You would freak the fuck out.

Women don't want this shit handed to us in the beginning. Make her work for it. I don't know why, but we love dicks. It's the challenge... We want to break them. These guys have the edge if they would just open their damn eyes. Because we do want a guy who is going to give us everything... but we want everything because we worked for it, we deserve it. You want to give us everything... if you just make it seem like we're working for it... You are in there... and ain't nothing going to get you back out of there.

If you need a coach, FIND ONE. I am positive you have a friend who has some game, and if YOU don't... I am sure one of your friends DO. For guys in this position, it's best to have a female coach. We've got the inside track. We'll be able to tell you who/what/when/where and how fucking hard. This is especially helpful if the coach knows the girl who is running you... because face it-- You are NOT the pimp, YOU are the trick. And you are being turned... with.a.fucking.quickness. This doesn't mean she is purposely fuckin with you, I promise. This is why--

Some girls are so used to being used and abused that when a good guy comes along, she takes advantage of it. She can't really help it, and shouldn't be held completely responsible for her blatant disregard of your nice-guy disease. This just makes it more imperative that you play the game... Because if you don't.... You will be worse than friend zone'd.... you will be brother'd. 99.9% of guys in the Brother Zone never recover. This is compared to 95% of guys in the Friend Zone. STFU, you hang on to that slim chance, you'll hang on to that almost 5% like it's your oxygen tank.

She may just be out of your league. This happens. You just take what you have learned and you move on. The best match for you is another EnVogue Playa... cause then you can just be you... they can just be them... and it'll fit. There's as much give as there is take. The only way you are going to get this in the situation you are in now is to break her. Yeah yeah yeah it sounds horrible and painful for the girl. But really... it's not. It's breaking her of all the misconceptions of what things are. Good guys = Weak guys. No girl wants a weak guy.

My advice?? Find your Alpha friend... LISTEN TO HIM. His game might end between the sheets... that doesn't mean your's has to. Everyone's game has a different end point, some only want you to want them, some are playin for forever, some just want fucked. Your game can end when she's where you want her. Get your girl... Be happy.. Every once in awhile make her work for it... because TRUST she's going to make you work for it.

Good Luck
*BSWK*

Boppin... Movin... Groovin... Dancin... FUCK YEA

So, got some shit on my mind, but I think it's just piddly shit that will work itself out. I can't blog about it, my blog isn't very anonymous. I have opened up about it to VERY VERY VERY few of my closest friends.

I am sitting here in my chair, the chair of my life, I never leave this damn thing unless I am in the bathroom or getting something to eat/drink, but I am listening to my spotify playlist which is a bunch of "I could so fuck to this song because of it's beat" songs. This means, I am sitting here, a foot on each side of the ottoman, laptop between my knees, grinding away to the beat of Bobby Valentino, at this second. It was Hed Pe a few minutes ago. Why does dancing have to mimic fuckin so much?? I need laid. Yes, I think this is 90% of my problem right now. I need it need it need it.

Buh is sleepin on the couch. Yeah, it's almost 2 in the afternoon and he's nappin. When he wakes up I might even make him a sammich. Wait-- What??? Yes, I would make this chile a sammich... THAT is how boss he is. I am shocked and awed at how fucking amazeballs he is. He's pimp. He's tall, blonde, blue eye'd, cut, protective, and funny as watchin your best friend trip in a snow drift after a bender all night.

Case in point... They were watching Scarface last night (yes, he has good taste too) while I was plugged into my laptop, chatting with my peoples, listening to music through my headphones. I said something to him and he told me to "Shhh MOM!" I laughed, and cause I am a bitch like that, I started talking. I couldn't hear him, because of the music I had blaring in my ears, so I ignored his bitching about ruining his movie. Exasperated, he looked at me... and mouthed the words "Why don't" then pointed at me. Pointed off in another direction, while mouthing the word "Go." Then stuck his thumb in his mouth, pulled it out and mouthed "a" and proceeded to flap his arms like a chicken. He then grinned like the dick he is, and turned back to his movie. I sat there for a moment, just dumbfounded at the wit and hilarity of the fact that my son just told me to go suck a cock.

Well, this blog is pointless. I just wanted to brag about how fucking pimp my kid is. I don't talk about him much because I like to keep him separate from this life... but this is proof that he's mine. Cause that's some pimpskittles shit I would pull.

*BSWK*

Turn you on, turn you out, all night long make you shout.

I wanna be the only one you cum for.

*BSWK*

This SUCKS DICK!!

Okay... so I have this question that I asked Ass about the other day, he really didn't help me, because once I explained he completely agreed with my confusion... I am puzzled and would like someone, ANY ONE, help me understand this... How many times have you said this... "This SUCKS DICK!!!"??? Was it for something good?? I am betting the answer is no, not even close. The term "sucks dick" typically refers to something of a derogatory nature. Correct? For example.... "Dude, that McDonald's sucks dick! It ALWAYS fucks up my shit." or "My phone is too old, it sucks fuckin dick." These aren't GOOD things. Right?? Right. I mean it's even urban dictionaried!!

Now, if *I* am on my knees, mouth full of your cock.... *I* am a MOTHER.FUCKING.GODDESS. There is nothing better in that moment than my amazing doe eyes gazing up at you, mouth open, and you can feel every perfectly pressured tug pulling you closer and closer to that apex.... I am perfectly capable of giving warhead. So good it's a nuclear weapon. I have, I swear on my sex drive, made a guy bust in less than 3 minutes from having my mouth wrapped around his dick. {And it's not like he didn't have stamina, because he did.... he was a steady fuck for 9 months.} I.KNOW.WHAT.THE.FUCK.I.AM.DOING.

This is where it's confusing for me, I mean, shouldn't everything amazingface and mind blowing be 'sucks dick?' I would never ever ever describe something, that is anything short of fucktastic, as 'eatin pussy' or 'clit twitchin.' That would be used to describe good things... very good things. Matter of fact, clit twitching (or CT) is how I describe things that are honestly clit twitching. The right cologne on the right guy.. FUCK that's clit twitching. Finding a $20 in you winter coat when you are flat ass fuckin broke... clit twitchin. Haven't you ever noticed when things are going right... you really do want to fuck more? BECAUSE it's CLIT TWITCHIN GOOD!

So, when something is bad/ works poorly/ isn't enjoyable, it 'sucks dick' and something is good it's 'clit twitchin.' I guess I can never ever ever suck dick again. Under no circumstances. Because nothing I do in bed should EVER be considered unenjoyable. Nothing I have ever done in bed has carried a negative connotation. I am not about to start now!!

Sad day for cocks everywhere. Until this shit is rectified... I shall have pristine knees, and only a thumb, tongue, sucker, banana, popsicle, or other such blatantly phallic object to suck on and make life a living hell for any man who watches me and/or kisses me. I will even take it a step further and call for a boycott of ALL cock sucking until boys understand the difference between bad and good. I can be a bad girl in a very good way, but not while doing something that's meant something horrible every.time.you've.said.it.

Appriciate the saying... and I may call for a nuclear war.

*BSWK*

Oh really? So this is how it is? Cool.

So, tonight, as I was rearranging my friends on my personal list, so that I can post my blog on my personal page to specific people, I noticed I was missing a friend. Odd. I go up to the search bar, I slowly start typing in the name.... nothing. Not even a "Oh, he was being a dick and unfriended you." I flip over to the profile I use to run the page, and type the name in again. BAM! There he is. Really?? Are you fucking kidding me?? You BLOCKED me??? OH MY MOTHER FUCK ME!

What is it? Did you read the blog and realize I wasn't sitting here waiting like a good girl?? Hoping and praying that you would pick me over her?? Fuck that. We both know I am too bad assed to twiddle my thumbs over you. I wasted a year of my life waiting on someone to decide what the fuck they were doing. And it was 11 months and 2 weeks too gotdamn long. I wasn't about to wait on you. As soon as I heard it in your voice that you weren't done with her, I was moving on.
Did you read the blog and realize that there was someone else on my radar? Go fuck yourself. For real. Not like you weren't fucking her the whole damn time you were talking to me.
We've known each other for more than half our lives. Are you seriously going to treat me like this?? Jesus fuck, grow the fuck up.
Or the most realistically, did she realize you fucked me? Did she figure out that you'd FINALLY tagged it, and now her insecurities have forced you to remove me from your life?? Well, look honey... If you weren't done with her... you shouldn't have fucked me. And since you did fuck me, you shouldn't have been hiding it. You aren't really pimp honey, you shouldn't have tried to be. You obviously can't pull it off... So for future reference, don't try it. Stick with the sensitive, emo boy routine. You can't pull off pimp. You should let her read this blog, cause fer realz, I've been off that... Ever since I smelled a True Alpha, and been tryina be on THAT.

If you are makin shit work with her, good for you. You coulda just said "Hey, Sniffles, I think I am going to put everything into her. That's where I am going to be." You know what I woulda said?? "Cool, you do you. I wasn't sure if I was feelin this or not anyways. I was kinda thinkin about tryina get with this one..." I wish you all the luck in the world.... I'm not being catty, and I am not being childish, but you won't be happy with her. She's too young, you say that all the time... You want someone to take care of you. Baby you when you are sick, and coddle you when you are upset. Nothing wrong with that... nothing at all. Do you think she's going to start doing it now?? It's been two years or a touch more, she hasn't been there to do it yet.... what makes you think she's going to start now?? Jus' sayin'.

I am angry, and I would love to put your shit on blast. But I won't. I am a grown up. I am not mad that you want to make it work with her. I am mad that yet again, you don't respect me enough to open your fucking mouth and talk to me like an adult. I am mad that you treated me like some love sick teenaged girl. Baby, you got life FUCKED UP! You don't have it like that. Not anymore. Don't crawl back when shit falls apart and you realize she's not enough. I won't be here. No matter if someone else has swept me away, or if I am still livin the single life, it's not going to matter, I'm cool on having you in my life.

Just know, you will always be The Boy... The Boy who lost. The Boy who couldn't pull it out and be someone honest. The Boy who will never have his best friend again. I wanted us to be friends. I really did. I wanted to always have you as a friend. No matter what happened with if we worked or if we just fucked around or what have you. Guess I thought you were more mature than that. I've been wrong before, I will probably be wrong again... It's all good.

..... Maybe Rí will be the man you couldn't be. Cause

I.AM.DONE.SON!!

..V, 

Deuced up.

To the girl... I don't know what the deal is between the two of you, and right now I don't really care. He said you bounced, I pounced. I put it down, and I lost interest. I'm already off that, so you do what you do... I couldn't and wouldn't give another fuck.

*BSWK*

Rí

I don't think I am a strong woman. Intelligent, a little. Mouthy and opinionated, absolutely. Strong, notsomuch. Many of my friends think I am, and tell me I am. But in reality, I see myself as just lil ole me. I do know one thing... I need a strong person to stand next to me. I am a handful. I know this. I am spoiled and bitchy and have no problem fighting against someone who expects me to do this, that or the other thing. I prefer to move when I want, and *I* am the bossy one. It's hard to find someone who knows how to work around that.

Some guys try to be alpha dog, most times, this act is met with AlphaBitch. She is the one that will break your balls for the giggle of it. Maybe it's how they come off with it. When they literally come at me with the "I am the Alpha, you will bow to me." Yeah, not going to happen sweetheart. I am going to flaunt everything you know you want and when I give you tastes, it's only going to be enough to make you fall in love. That way, when I break yo' ass, you will definitely know what ALPHA means. AlphaBitch is the maneater, she don't give a fuck about you and where you THINK you fit on the food chain. SHE is the top fuckin dawg, and will sit your puppy ass on the porch while she runs the neighborhood. She does it cause she fuckin can, and because she has FUN while doing it. It's to prove a point, point being DON'T.FUCK.WITH.ME. People get shit twisted, and they think because I am little and sweet they can make me do as they say. Psshhaawww riiiiiiiiiiight. I don't care how good looking you are, or how smart you are. Your cock could be dipped in gold and diamond encrusted, and I will STILL use and abuse you and walk away throwin up the two's, while you are laying there in a pool of tears beggin me to stay.

But on RARE occasions, there's that guy... that one guy who is Alpha. True Alpha... he doesn't have to say it, you can SMELL it on him. THAT gets me hot. This alpha is a panty drencher. He's the one you have to be careful playing cat and mouse with. If you mouse too long, he's disinterested. If you don't mouse long enough, you become a cumdumpster for a night and he's the one with deuces up while you're shaking and scratchin like a junkie. I have, fortunately, never been smacked down like this. But I have seen some of the baddest bitches I know become king-junkies.

Right now, I only know of one true Alpha. I keep him at arm's length... at least I try to. Rí is about thisclose to makin me a wanton bitch. I can't fuckin help it. Out of the many guys I know, he's the only one I can say, without a doubt, has a hope of handling me. I thought there were others, but after some time and some thought... I realized the ones I thought were kings among men, were nothing more than peasants dressed above their stations. Rí, on the other hand, is an unassuming guy. Just a regular joe on the surface, but after one decent conversation with him, I knew I would have him. For an hour, for one night, for a while, for the rest of my life... one way or another... I would claim him. I don't just mean physically, or emotionally. I want to steal a piece of him. I want to imprint me on him somewhere, I want to randomly pop in his head. I want him just as wet for me as I am for him.

When the realization hits that 'THIS GUY' isn't what I want/need/thought, I always go back to lusting after Rí. That should've told me something, but in true me fashion, I ignored and just lusted. Until this thing about The Boy, then I put some thought into Rí. LOTS of thought, and some fantasy, and a few pretty hot writhing sessions under my own hand. And I brought it up to a few friends, then I actually started talking about maybe just maybe....

A few guys in my life, say he's got something for me. My brother says it's feelings. Basically they all think he's already wet for me. A few of my female friends say he's twisted, but he doesn't trust me, and that I need to just lay it out there how I feel. But really?? Rí is the kind of guy that would laugh, fuck with my head, and make me a king-junkie. Why would I want to catch someone like that?? You just don't get it do you?? The fact that he could seriously have the power to fuck with my head, and possibly hurt me, intrigues me. He is T-R-O-U-B-L-E devilish smile and all. I don't want hurt, no one wants that. There's some cliche that fits here but right now I am thinking of his hands pressing me into him. Forgive me for being a little brain dead in that aspect.

I wish I knew what it was about him that makes me want to bow. I want to submit to him, let him have his way. I want him to be the one to break me. I want to be the one to break him. I want this craving to be slaked, to know that I won't go hungry, I will finally be sated. I need someone strong enough to hold me down, someone serious enough to balance my silly, but someone soft enough to kiss my forehead and let me nuzzle my face into them when I am scared, and funny enough to keep me laughin. Rí is the guy I asked Santa for. He just doesn't realize it. And if he would just say he was interested in something with me, he would have no reason to not trust me. I may be slutty, I may flirt and put it out there that I am play on playa playa (I am pimp) but for Rí, I would be girl next door when it came to that. I am loyal to a fault when it's reciprocated.

There is a time and a place to have this kind of fun... but when there is a possibility of something, you cowgirl up. I've been single for a long time. I am terrified of anything more than a steady piece, but I would brave it for Rí. I wish I could tell him that. Honestly I probably coulda blasted his name out on here, cause I don't think he reads my blog like I'd like him to. Or maybe he does, maybe he is that into me, and I am just being stupid. I don't fuckin know anymore. I am a touch old school and I think the guy should be the one to put himself out there first. I've been through a lot in the past almost two years, and I'll be damned if I put myself out there to be told "Sorry, but you just aren't what I am looking for... we can stay friends tho." Buuuuuuullllll fuckin shit. I don't get friend zoned. I'll be gotdamned. I am everything that could make this guy happy. I just need to figure out how to get him to see it too. Fucked up thing is, I want to do it honest. No games, no bullshit, no faux coy chess moves, just being me. Just plain lil ole me.

Because that's all I am... under all of it... Just lil ole me.
*BSWK*

Ba mhaith liom cad nach féidir liom a bheith acu.

Catch me in the emerald rolling hills.

Snatch my breath away with a kiss deep enough to touch my soul.

Under the pregnant moon, pin me against ageless stone.

Hands, running over skin, soft moans escaping both of us.

Can you hear me beg over the crash of the waves?

Gortaítear dom. 

It sounds like thunder, was that a flash of lightening? 

Make me scream like a bean sidhe. 

There is urgency, I am starting to ache.

Run your tongue over me, can you taste the sweat mixed with the rain?

I will cling to you, your hands in my hair.

Want a líonadh dom.

Make me arch, make me whimper.

Whisper your demands to me, soft and low against my ear.

Lift me up, back to the wall.

A Celtic séis plays in my mind.

Haunting and beautiful like this moment.

A bheith ar mo rí.

I am banríon na drúis.

In this, our time, possess me. 

Own me. Need me.

Claim all that is yours.

Lips swollen, crushed under a biting kiss.

Tabhair dom an domhain

My own orgasm cried out in offering to the old gods.

Again, and again, like the rolling ocean at the bottom of the cliff.

We've endured the raging storm, the thunder fading.

Still tangled, braced against the wall, a final thrust, deeper, more intrusive.

Beidh mé bogha

Tionchar an-mhór dom, a chosaint dom, ghrá dom.

~The Slut

*BSWK*

Dear Santa,

Since comin up on the Fuxmas season... I thought it prudent to write you a quick note letting you know what it is my heart really desires for this Gimme Gimme Holiday.

First off, I would love a beautiful condo in an affluent area, preferably a gated community. I want at least three stories, with a rumpus room in the basement. Four bedrooms (so what if it's just me and Buh? I can throw some EPIC parties and need the room.) at least three and a half bathrooms, formal living room, and an eat in kitchen. I want completely decorated to my personal chic tastes. This includes heated bathroom floors, fireplaces, a bearskin rug (I don't care, it's a fantasy), a master en suite big enough to dance in, among other things. Oh and a formal dining room so I can have fahncy dinnah pahtays.

To park in the two car garage I want a '68 Chevelle SS 396, black with a white pin stripe. I want that bitch to purr like a tiger when running. I also require a hot, hard bodied gear head to teach me how to do the upkeep on said beast. I don't mind gettin dirty for something that pretty. I also request a fully loaded '11 Lincoln Navigator. When I say loaded, I mean LOADED, game systems and tinted windows and erreythin. I want this also black, with shiny chrome and a supple tan leather interior. Need some pimp wheels.

I am also putting on this list a job in that can support a lifestyle I would love to become accustomed to. Requirements of this job are that I do as little as possible for as much bank as imaginable. If playing on Facebook, blogging, talking on the phone, and hanging out can make me stacks, THAT is the job I was born to do. I basically need a steak and lobster income doing a food stamps job.

A few small miscellaneous plastic surgeries, for the sheer vanity of it. Namely a tummy tuck to rid myself of these stretch marks. I don't care what Kat Williams says, I have to look at them and they AIN'T cute. Yes, they are from weighing 102 pounds and blowing up to over 160 in less than a year then in one afternoon going back down to 120. Childbirth, the most effective way to FUCK.YOUR.BODY.UP.

Finally, I would like to find me a steady piece. One that is tall, broad, decent looking, makes his own money and can fuck me whenever I please. I want him to be a little jealous, a little possessive, intelligent, and strong enough to keep me in check. I want him to not be scared to fight with me, but not overbearing. I want him to be a man's man, but still watch me when he thinks I am not looking. I want his soft sentimental moments to be a candy sweet surprise, savored and good enough to be rewarded with big sloppy wet kisses of the variety that will please and appease. I want him to want me like he needs air, but be chill enough to not rush any kind of relationship. I don't want him to want to even label anything that's going on. Just let shit happen. I don't want to have to beg for attention, but I don't want smothered. I want him to be my friend, and my confidante, but not expect to know every little thing that happens... On the other hand, if I decide to inform him of everything, I want him to take that information and just listen, advise if I request. Santa, I'm not asking for a boyfriend, I'm not asking for a future husband, I'm just askin for a damn good benny. I don't think it's too much to ask for... Just someone who wants to relax and have fun with me. If something happens..... down the road, that is, BET. But not for a grip.

I know I wasn't the best girl on the list, and there were more times than not that I ended up on the Naughty List. But I promise, if you bring me these few small things, I will never ever ask for another thing! And if I never ask for another thing, it won't really matter which list I am on. Right? I will never bother you or your elves again. I would even be willing to fly to North Pole to put in some hours of hard slave labor... ::wink wink::

*BSWK*
Thanks in Advance Santa,
Your ever loving Slut.

Jealous Much??

Yes, I may be a little weird. I enjoy when someone is possessive and jealous because I am paying attention to someone else. I find it heartwarming and fuckin hella funny. Watch that stalker box, see who I am commenting... follow me... Yes my boy, do this. Then try to glean information from it. Am I fucking him?? Hmmm... I am not sure this is any of your business. If I want to, I will. HAVE I fucked him?? That's adorable. Also, none of your business. But if I did, it would probably make it easier to do it again.... dontchathink? Are you nervous? Does he pose a threat to you?? I would LOVE to know why you are concerned about him. I don't really talk about him when I talk to you. I mean, I do in passing. But do I sound rapturous when I do? Do I sound lovesick? I don't think I do, until you bring it up. Then I make him sound like Prince Charming because that's what you want me to do.

Yeah, I am pretty fuckin sure I could fuck him if I wanted. I might have to wait for the opportunity, both of us available, and in need... but yeah, he finds me attractive... and he ain't half bad. Oh shit. THAT'S what it is isn't it?? He's the right body type.... He's bigger than you. And you know I like that. D'awwwh. That's cute. Big boys make you feel inferior with me. You can't grow another 3 inches, and you freak when I tell you to put on some weight. I'm sorry sweetheart, I like when my guys are all big boys. It makes them intimidating to other guys who think they might be able to get the drop on me.

I'm not afraid of him hurting me... it's like I said... The only way he would hurt me is if I was bent over beggin him to smack my ass and pull my hair. Then he would oblige. Other than that, he's not going to hurt me. He has no reason to, he's not a douche. A jerk, yes. But all my 'big scary guy friends' are jerks. Hilarious, good guy under the asshole veneer, jerks. It's the only way I roll.

Even if I am/was/plan on fucking him on the regular, it's not your business... YOU aren't fucking me. YOU aren't my boyfriend. YOU are fucking someone else right now. So really, the bed I am writhing in has nothing to do with you. Are you scared someone else is getting their mind blown? It's a definite possibility someone else is knockin the bottom out. I never played like I was going to ONLY be with you. I am honest, I have needs, I need sex like I need air baby. If you aren't going to do it... there are others waiting in line. I am too cute to fuckin wait on you to decide if you want me or not. Maybe you should take a look at that jealousy and realize that you already know what a fuckin catch I am... and either do something about it or stop letting it bother you...

Because if you keep letting it bother you... I am going to keep making it look worse and worse, all the while giggling about how sprung you are.

Cause that's also how I roll.
*BSWK*

Secret Admirer

I didn't write this... It was written for me.... I really liked it so I figured I would share it... Maybe I will luck out and the writer behind it will come forward. *sigh*

A beauty, we met but once
Our eyes glanced unknowingly,
yet with a slight glint of the familiar.

You didn't know me, but you came to me
Your hand extended, greeting with a smile
Introductions, our skin touched.

In a moment I knew you, everything
lips upon your neck, you shivered
Embracing the caress of my hand, wanting.

Encumbered no more, with silk or satin
we lay unashamed, together, sweat waiting.
Fingertips trace my desire around your breast.

Intensity builds, like a fire first kindled, consumes.
Arching back, like a bridge waiting to be crossed,
skin stretched taught against an onslaught of lashings.

Overwhelmed, wet as if the rain itself was pounding
Drowning in a storm, lost in a sea, orgasmic.
Floating now upon rolling waves of contentment...

In a moment we are there together, passionate.
I knew it the moment we touched, together,
this vision, third eye opened by your gentle touch.....

Color me Confused

Get off me, I like being colored different emotions. It sounds more fun than just BEING confused. Almost like I stood there and let someone paint me in a different light, and I feel the paint as an emotion. Doesn't that sound divine?? I think it does.

I really am just ready to throw every hope I had for The Boy out the window. I kinda feel like I am just being pulled along, kept on the burner until he sees where things are with him and her. I thought for sure that I wouldn't care about him string'n me. I specifically recall a conversation I had with Ass, it was awhile ago and The Boy was still very spoken for. He'd asked me if I trusted The Boy to not string me, and I said "Yeah, but no. I think he's already strung me. Scary enough, I think I am okay with it." Ass laughed at me, and told me I was going to get hurt. We both abide by the ideology that if you catch feelings, it's as bad as catching clap. I caught feelings. I know I did. It's not as bad as it could be, but the point is I caught 'em. So it kinda hurts with the back and forth. I hate not knowing where I stand. I am about one misstep from finding someone else to crush on. Seriously.

My main issue is that I have a raging sex drive. To the point that I have even named it. I call her Queen Lillith. Because she's all about never being sated, always rampaging, always devouring. If I *did* act on every time she needed fed, I would be in bed 24/7... or on a counter, in a car, in the shower, in the front yard, at the mall, in the middle of the street, basically once I was done, I would be revved for AGAIN! I have a hard time finding someone who can keep up. They all talk a damn good game, but they fuck a few times then are done, or we just aren't compatible to be around each other much. I think that's a big reason I want a steady guy. That way I am only hurting ONE person with dehydration, exhaustion and starvation. (I'll feed him well... but I don't think he'll ever really fill up on it.) That and all the set up is already done, and all I have to do is say "Hai... Wanna?"

But I am tired of being told one thing one moment then something different the next. I've been there, done that... and I am cool on doin it again. Told "We're done, we're over." then statuses posted "Spending time with SOS <3" Seriously?? Wow. Aight. Good thing I didn't go all out and really put myself into what I was feelin for you. Ten to one baby, she's going to pull this shit again. And you're going to realize that I really was everything you'd hoped she'd be. Yes, I hid parts of me from you. I do to every guy I am interested in. It sounds like game when I put those things out there. But truthfully, I am that girl who strives to take care of the ones she loves. Dinner on the table, back rubs after a hard days' work, homemade chicken noodlie soup when you're sick... That's me when I'm treated right. No, I didn't tell you that about me... why the fuck would I?? First off you should know that already. Second, we both know that had I put that out there, you would have thought I was runnin a game and would have ignored it. So I didn't put it out there.

So now I need to find a new object to lust after, because I am not being put on the back burner for anyone. No matter how long I have known them, no matter how good looking they are, no matter how much money they make. I'll be damned. I am an amazing person. I have a warm heart and I want nothing more than to have someone to take care of. But if I can't find exactly what I want... I am perfectly okay with being single. I refuse to settle.

Well... I am playing Words with Friends and getting STOMPED by Ass. I need to pay better attention.

*BSWK*

Fuck This Life

Fuck it all. Fuck the bullshit, fuck the shit talkers, fuck this life. Fuck those who think they know, and fuck those who try to speak gospel when they don't know a Bible from a dictionary. Sick of this, sick of all of it. Fuck it all. Fuck the people who claim they love me and watch me crawl through hell. Fuck the haters. Fuck the clouds bringing the snow. Fuck the non existent family who act like they all have it worse. Fuck the dumb shit. Fuck doing this alone. Fuck doing this with someone. Fuck this life. Fuck it all. Fuck having nothing. Fuck struggling anymore. Fuck fighting for anything anymore. Fuck this shit. Fuck crying myself to sleep every god damn night. Fuck wishing I could be a druggie so I could be numb. Fuck being looked down on. Fuck being segregated from civilization. Fuck being bound and gagged without an orgasm. Fuck not being able to see the silver lining because everyone else's negativity. Fuck being everyone's positiveness when no one is there to be mine. Fuck the liars. Fuck the ones who don't tell the whole truth. Fuck those who twist the truth to fit themselves. Fuck life without my mom to cry to. Fuck having all this anger boxed up inside me wrapped in pretty paper with a cute bow on top. Fuck idiots, pacifists, activists, and brainiacs. Fuck all of it. Fuck this life. Fuck being stuck on the back burner because I'm not good enough, fuck being left out because I am different. Fuck being treated like a burden. Fuck this shit.


That is all.

Size Queen

So, a few nights ago I was doin a bunch of research to have some information to discuss of the page. I had decided that I was going to do a night of dicks- mostly dick sizes and the myths and facts about size. *THIS* is the interesting things I learned, and what it translates into to me....

Let's start with 'average' size. According to Wiki "While results vary across studies, the consensus is that the mean human penis is approximately 12.9–15 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length with a 95% confidence interval of (10.7 cm, 19.1 cm) (or, equivalently, 4.23 in, 7.53 in). The consensus on typical circumference is 12.3 cm (4.85 in), requiring a diameter of roughly 3.9 cm (1.54 in) when fully erect." While a world wide study found that national averages swing between 3.75" to almost 6.5" in length only. So basically... the average is a number that no one knows. But they all seem to agree that 7" or more is above average.

What this means to me.... Some of you would have to fuck me harder than others would. You might have to use some other tricks to keep me going, because sex isn't ALL penetration for women. So, if you know you are packin a smaller chicken to choke than the guy with the family pack... Remember you have a soft, warm, wet thing you keep in your mouth. USE IT!!! Make sure you pay attention to her, lots of girls don't get shy when fuckin and will TELL YOU what the fuck you are supposed to be doin at that moment.... "Hit me. Spank me. Pull my hair. Call me a slut. Bite me. DeeperHarderFasterMore." Some do get shy, then you have to pay attention to her breathing, how she's moving, the look on her face (if you can see it.) Touch her, kiss her, RAVISH her.  I've been with a few smallish guys who tricked me into thinking they were closer to the bigger end of average than they honestly were. The sex was just *that good* that I didn't pay close attention to the size at the time. Yeah, it's possible. Guys who don't try to make it feel good, and aren't back breakers... *YOU* are the reason girls like me say 'size matters.'

See... if guys would pay more attention to the girl gettin her nut, she would be less likely to dog your ass out when you split up. Jus sayin. And girls, as a whole tend to over look things about how good a guy is in bed while they are together, if you are fulfilling her other ways, she will ignore that you are the worst lay ever. But it doesn't matter how good of a boyfriend you are, if you suck in bed, and you break up... she's putting your shit on blast. So, put some EFFORT into being a good lover. Don't be a lazy fuck.

Another interesting fact I found was that homosexual men are on average larger than heterosexual men. Fuckin figures. Why is it every time we turn around gay men are more and more what we want as women?? Just kidding. I like having a guy who doesn't envy me for how big my balls are. But I thought it was interesting.

Another big fuckin debate going on is circumcision. Guys who aren't bitching about guys who are, some guys who are crying about feeling robbed. Chicks bitching about both sides. But listen... this is the low down on that... I have a son. I did have him snipped. I did it because it's EASIER. Boys are lazy, and they go through a phase where it's okay to stink and not shower. ICK. I don't regret my choice. Neither does my kid. I did what's best, like it or not.

As for being a woman in the bedroom, It doesn't really feel any different either way... at least not to me. Especially, as was eloquently brought up on the forum, if you WEAR A CONDOM! Which should never be a second thought. The only time you should be without a condom is when you are married!!! Anylaid, the bottom line is, most women don't want a dirty cock in their mouth, or anywhere else for that matter. If you AREN'T circ'd make sure you wash your shit!! Nothing grosser than gettin ready to gobble the goods and it's got funk wafting off it.

So... Just think about these things, do with it whatever you want... It's just some Slut's opinion. But I will leave you with this....

*BSWK*

Thanksgiving.

This is the time of year that I hate being single. Douchebag and I had years of traditions we observed every year. By this time, we would have our friends gathered in our home, and I would be pulling a smaller, turkey out of the oven. The spread would be laid out... and I left NOTHING to be desired, everything from scratch. Baked bread, 5 different pies, all the trimmings. It was our annual 'Thank God we can go back to normal' party. Music, cards, kids laughing... it was our non blood family, coming together to drink and be merry.

Now, here I am sitting in this house, alone. Not even my Buh here to watch TV with me. I haven't seen nor spoke to anyone in my family today. No one has tried to call me, no one has reached out to me. It's okay.. I guess I don't really need to be with anyone today... I don't want sympathy, I don't want anyone to feel bad for me.... I just want those who are alone too, to know there are others out there who are sitting on the couch, laptop fired up, watching pointless TV, being lonely too.

Tomorrow we would be putting up our tree, and I would be digging out hand made ornaments that would be between 20 and 5 years old. Listening to caroles and laughing together. Tomorrow I am going to sleep all day, get up, and sit here on my laptop, like I do everyday. I won't put up a tree, Sissy B will, but it's not going to be mine. It won't have traditional ornaments on it.

I spent a few hours with Lil Bit and her family today, it was a nice time. It was sweet of Buh's girlfriend's dad to invite both of us to dinner. Video games, food, a movie... Even a nap on the couch. But it wasn't the same. We dropped Buh off with Douchebag and my ex family-in-laws. Douchebag came outside when we pulled in. I hate even being AROUND that asshole. The things that have come from that vile mouth about me... Ugh. Then I came home to an empty house. Sissy B, Midget and the kidders are all at Sissy B's sister's house. Not sure when they will be home.

I've cried a few times since I have been home. I am not a creature of quiet. I am a social butterfly, and feel more myself when surrounded by people to cater to and perform for... ESPECIALLY during the holidays. Tomorrow I will be back to normal. I will be rough and ready with my thick skin firmly back in place. I just really miss having a family. I miss my mom, I miss the laughter, I miss a lot of things.

I absolutely ABHOR being lonely. Guess it's time to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
*BSWK*

Okay... here goes....

So, I know you have all been chomping at the bit to find out what the next chapter in the saga is... Did we? Didn't we? Are we still at a stagnation? Have we progressed, digressed, fucked like monkeys screamin in the trees? Does he still call me? Do we still talk? What's going on with The Slut and THE Boy?!?!

Well, yeah. Maybe once I know where this is going or what to expect, I will tell you the wicked details. The thing he laughs about is how chill we were about it afterwards. There wasn't that Oh My GAWD! We jus- Jesus FUCK! 17 years and finally... Holy Shit!! It was like nothing had happened, total comfortableness. Right back to being US. He said that on his way home, he had a moment of surrealism... That moment of disbelief that it had FINALLY happened. But it was over soon, and he wanted to turn around and come back and bang it out again.

MY weirdness was the next night. Is he going to call?? If he does, are we going to be weird with each other? What will we talk about? Are we together now? Are we just bennies? Is he going to go back to her? FUCK! Why am I all fucking girly about this shit?? Why does it matter? Because I like him. I like him a lot.

He did call. We talked like we always have, save the extra giggles any time we talked about us fuckin. He's called me every night. Unless I call him first. We do spend hours on the phone. He's been sick, so he basically mopes, and I try to make him feel better. For the most part, he seems pretty into me. On occasion, maybe once or twice, he's made me think maybe not. Then the next night, he's back to being himself. He makes me giggle like a school girl at her first crush. He's so funny and have I mentioned how fucking HOT he is?? He's adorable because he argues with me that he's not that good looking... but I can hear the smile in his voice when I tell him that he's better looking than this famous guy or that one.

I think the nights he's been short, it's that whole 'if we're going to start seeing each other, you need to see the asshole I can be too.' I can handle that. I was married to a douchebag, assholes are nothing compared to that.   Besides, most people do that, you just have to learn to look past it, and push on.

On the nights he's normal... We laugh, we pseudo plan our wedding. It's hilarious. We aren't even together, but we have our wedding 'planned' even worked on the guest list some... We're terrible and going to go to hell, I swear. We decided that I should not only invite Douchebag, but request to be walked down the aisle... It's only fitting that Doucher give me away... I mean, amirite? And it's going to be a (get ready for this Epic Amazingness) Luau/goth/celebrity/beach wedding. Yeah, you read that right... Not sure how it's going to play out... but whatev's I'll work it out. As long as on our 5 year, I get that Redneck/Hilljack/bubble gum and aquanet/ white trash wedding that I want. Yeah... that's right. I want big hair and a white denim miniskirt wedding dress with lucite stripper stilettos.

Anyways, it's after 2, and I think I am going to call him to see how he's feeling. Maybe in the next blog I will tell you about the 4 ct solitaire we've discussed, and he's trying to talk me down to a half carat... smh. He just doesn't get it... just does.not.get.it. But I will teach him, if it gets that far... he will learn.

*BSWK*

Like it or not, I am still a girl

And sometimes I will be moody, and mushy and all feelings about shit. But mostly it's just about the people I love. I'm not in love with anyone, not in a romantic way. But I do have a lot of love in me, and it spills to the ones I hold close to my heart. This blog is for them.

Nan has been my best friend since I was 14. She's been there, she's held me when I cried. I can not express how much I love her. So close, we had babies 2 months apart. Bitch got me knocked up... I swear that shit is contagious!! I love you Nan... even when I am mad, even when you are mad. I love you.

Jennybae I have known since 6th grade, when I was the outgoing friendly girl who walked up to the shy quiet new girl and said "HAI! I guess you could call me the welcome wagon, cause I wanna be your friend!" She's known secrets and giggles for as long as I can remember. She is my sister. Jennybae, you are amazing. I love you sweetheart, and you will find your complete happiness. I feel it in my bones.

Sissy B is a fucktabulust best friend that I can't even describe. She's THERE, every day with me... in the trenches, helping me come out of everything bad that's happened to me. She listens every time I need to spout. I love her like a crackwhore loves suckin dick. Sissy B.... I love you and Midget. Thank you for bringing me into your family, and playing mom and dad to me... it's cute and it's funny and I adore it.

Ass... Oh he is going to be mad about being on the mushy list... but I love him. He went out of his comfort zone and was a supportive, amazing friend when my mom died. Cope and deal Sweets... it's a good thing when I can say that. Don't get all excited... I ain't lettin you hit it again... I don't love you all like that. But if you ever need me... I'm here. Takes a bit more than being a good friend and bending me over to make me fall in love... so you are PERFECTLY SAFE! (You aren't even in the line up anymore.... so that should tell you something.) But it's fun to flirt with you and run my mouth!! :P

I want to give a special mention to those in The Neighborhood. You know who you are... And I love you too. It's nice to have you there when I need to hide.

And of course... my deviants.... I couldn't have survived loosing my mom without my page and those who follow it. I <3 you all too... you guys make the work worth it.

So... For all of you.....

*BSWK*

The history of THE Boy.

Some of you haven't been very supportive of THE Boy... Hatin on him, and he doesn't even know he should be defending himself... LOL!! I know, it's because most of you don't want me hurt. But Imma big girl, and I like him. Top that off with, I am prepared for this to go no where, do nothing and just be a memory at some point in our friendship.

I mentioned earlier that him and I were friends like from the time we were 12 to when we were like 17/18. He was my *best* friend. Him and I were ALWAYS hangin out. He only lived a few blocks up from me, and he'd just walk down and we'd sit on the front porch listen to the radio, or go in and watch tv or whatever. Around 14, I kissed him. I thought maybe he liked me, and I figured I would make the first move, for the first time in my young life. He kissed me back... But the next morning at the bus stop, he didn't speak to me. So I didn't speak to him, ball in his damn court. I expected him to either a.) sack up and tell me he wasn't interested or b.) ask me out. Neither happened. For about a week, we were severely AWKWARD with each other. After that, we were back to being us. I could call him whenever and say "come chill." He'd come chill. I always still liked him, he made me feel safe. I knew he was watching out for me. Nothing was ever said again about the kiss, but I was always a little ego slapped cause he ignored it. He dipped out when I was around 17. I didn't really knew why, but at 17, I had a new baby, and was doin the grown up thing. He was still partying and being young. That's what I attributed his absence to. But I knew I missed him.

Fast forward 11 or 12 years, I'm working as a cashier at a large retail store. I was on the 'only the worms get up this fucking early' shift. So, it was early enough that I could stand and bullshit with my customers without having a line. This guy comes up, and throws some crap on the belt, and I start ringin him out. I actually LOOKED at him, those who work in a position like that know what I mean. But I LOOKED at this guy. I immediately grinned at him, and inferred a very old joke between us. It took him a second (I look nothing like I looked then) and he grinned back. We talked for a few minutes, and he left. Now, the whole time he was standing there talking to me, all I could do was think 'I shoulda fucked you when I was single.' As I have mentioned... he's a side of LAWD HELP ME! wrapped in a double layer of Oh fuck me please!! He is FINE. I seen him a few times at the store, but that's all I knew of him for a long time, he never really even TRIED to keep in touch after seeing me that day.

January, this year. I am halfway through my year of hell. My marriage had fallen apart and the douche I had put my best years into was playing me for a fool. My FB would text me my notifications. I was laying in bed, depressed, hurt, angry, and my phone went off. Facefuck. THE Boy had sent me a friend request. I hadn't seen him at work for a while. He'd never tried calling me. Nothing. But when that notification came through, I was pretty happy. Saying that now, sounds weird. But he was the only guy I had ever trusted in my life. He had been my best friend. I figured he was making the effort now, he was serious about being my friend again. We started catching up, reviving our friendship. He worked midnights, and has a boring job. So we would text or talk on the phone all night. He was engaged. He was doing okay for himself. Had been in some trouble. Oh and was in love with me back then, and that's why he lost contact. His family was doing---

....

Wait. What was that?? Let's go back.... He left my life because he had been IN LOVE WITH ME?? Turns out, yet again, I was some boy's first love and he, stupidly, never did anything about it. Some of the nights I called and said "let's chill" he was with his random girl and would be getting ready to dick her down, and he'd bounce out on her to come kick it with me. I NEVER EVEN KNEW HE HAD GIRLFRIENDS!! When he laid all this on me, I was informed that I was also his first kiss. He would stand his girlfriends up for me. He hid girlfriends from me, because he didn't want me to think he was a jerk. Looking back, it all makes sense, and I was blind to it. But like I tell him all the time... After that first kiss... the ball was in his court. HE was the one who decided to put it down and go play another game. In all that time, I had never considered that there was a third option to manning up or asking me out. It turns out it was c.) he was so shocked that I liked him back, he didn't know what to do.

THE Boy had stayed in my life waiting for the perfect time to tell me how he felt about me. The perfect time never came. Once, there was almost a something... but someone else got involved and I ended up going to bed alone while he had closet fun with one of my friends. For over 3 years he waited. Finally he left because he thought I was finally happy. He let go of me. He went and lived his life. He left because he thought I had what I'd wanted, and he cared enough to let go. He felt enough that he had to break ties with me in order to do so. When I asked him why he never told me, he said because he wanted me to be happy over anything, even if it hurt him. How fuckin emo sweet is that???

For a few months, we had solidly worked on becoming friends again. Then, the night of Easter Sunday, he had posted on my wall "Happy Zombie Jesus day! Hope yours was great!" or something closely related to this. A few short hours later, he posted on my wall about how he had a family now, and that he needed to concentrate on that, and he needed to let go of his past, and the people that were in it and then deleted me from his facebook. What the fucking fuck?!? Oh my fuck me!! I was CONFUSED I was PISSED. I went without talking to him for awhile, obviously. I waited until I wasn't hurt and mad and I would be able to carry on an adult conversation as to why he would do that to me. He knew everything that was going on in my life, how Doucher was fuckin with my head, and how I felt so God damn broken that I thought I would never date again, let alone love... (I know, collective gasp that The Slut was giving up sex!!) I waited about a month, and I called him at work one night like WTF? Basically, it was the fiancee. He didn't want to lose me, but she was uncomfortable with the friendship. I can respect that, I didn't like it, but I respected it. It pissed me off, cause yeah, I woulda rocked his world had he been single... he wasn't. But had I been her, I probably woulda felt the same as she did. He sends me a request from his other FB profile, and we go back to talking every night. Nothing was going to happen. We'd been friends since middle school for fuck's sake!!

Yeah, so it got to the point where we could talk for two weeks then not be able to talk for two weeks. The sexual tension between us was wicked. He deleted me again, but in a week or two we were talking again. There were old feelings brought up, new feelings confusing everything. I was too scared to admit anything for a hot minute. When I did, he said "You aren't alone in this. But I can't leave her over this, if we don't work... it HAS to be because her and I didn't work, not because of you." I agreed whole heartedly. Not long after that we stopped talking again. He blocked me from his main profile. This time I didn't try for 3 months. Then my mom died. (And that catches you up.. if you read the other blogs. if not, go.read.them.)

Now, things are so weird. How do you go from that.. to this?? Now... I guess you want to know if we hooked up? But I'm not telling you in this blog. I'm just giving you the history, maybe so you can better understand the dynamic of our friendship. I know what I am getting into. I really do. I already told you it almost feels like game. So my guard isn't completely down. But it's down enough to let me like him... let me think of things... I will say.. I am so confused. So fucking confused. I don't know how I should feel about this. I am at a loss. I have never been here before. And I don't know what's coming next, and it scares the fucking shit out of me. Because in the end... it might still just be game.

*BSWK*

Shy Dick

Shy Dick is the most embarrassing thing that can happen to a guy. (I'm guessing. I mean, if I were a dude, I would be ready to slit my wrists if I got a case of it.) Shy dick is the dick that just doesn't want to work. No matter what you do, it's just NOT HAPPENING. It could be awake and raring to go, but once you get it close to that warm whett home, it decides it's still sleepy and conks back out. There can be a bunch of reasons for this phenomena. Lets explore some of them now...

You have successfully bullshitted her into believing you are the MACK DADDY and can lay it down like a tile layer. She's there, under you, panting and moaning and ready. And it hits you. 'This bitch is out of my league. HOW am I going to pull this off?' Your junk shrivels in your hand as you are trying to get it in. She's too fucking hot for you. You know it, your little man knows it too. He's scared, he's playing shy because he's pretty damn sure she's had bigger, better and more beautiful. There's NO FUCKING WAY you are going to be able to pull off Don Juan with this one. How do you overcome this?? I am not particularly sure, but it would probably work if you look at her. Really look at her hard. She's GOT to have a few flaws. Maybe that one tooth that's crooked, or the dimples in her cheeks- her ass cheeks. Find a few of her flaws, make her human. Man, I am grasping at straws here. Close your eyes and picture an ugly girl. This is just a stupid part of the boy brain. Seriously. The hotter the guy is the whetter I get. Stop fuckin around. And if he's too hot for me?? Well.. I guess we'll discuss that when it happens... cause it hasn't yet.

You are at a party, beer bongs and beer pong and big boy whiskey. Chick is ON YOUR NUTS HARD. Every beer you down, she gets a bit more do-able. That horrific overbite straightens out, her unibrow gives her forehead definition, her extra 40 pounds makes her titties bigger. She makes her move, and even tho your buddies are standing behind her waving their hands and making the "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" face, you let her. She drags you into the bathroom and the glare of the white light off the gleaming tile snaps you into sobriety just enough to see what you are about to do... and your johnson not only gets shy, but crawls up inside you and threatens to run away if you try to force it in that. You COULD close your eyes and think of Jessica Alba, but it's too late now... Excuse yourself before you vomit and pray she just leaves the party.

Same party, later that night.... She's perfect through your beer goggles. Not too pretty, not too ugly, nice rack, tight ass and she's DTF. You take her outside, hot and heavy the second you are alone... gettin ready to get it in... and your peep is too drunk to fuck. So drunk it doesn't even want to throw up on this chick's face. There is no fix for this dude. You are SOL. You can't even try to sober up and expect it to help. IT DOESN'T.

So, my advice? Don't drink too much, don't do too many drugs, don't try to fit into the majors when you know you can only bat at a minors level. That's just a Slick Silly Slut's humble opinion...

*BSWK*

Guest blog for Sarcastic Mama: Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

We've all been there, long term serious relationship goes sour for one reason or another. You part ways. A week or so later you are cranky and mean and you know what it is... you need fucked. Do you want to put the effort into gettin so fresh and so clean? Do you want to really smile in the mirror and work on your lines? OR... try to call that ex. There are perks and trap doors to this idea. Let's talk about them.

Perks~

All you have to do is shower and maaaaayyybeee shave. I mean seriously, long term, serious relationship, he's seen your legs hairy. You don't even have to put on makeup if you don't want to. BONUS!! Maybe it's just me, but I hate spending the twenty minutes to put makeup on, and the half hour to forty five minutes to do my hair JUST to have the makeup smeared and the hair ratted up in an hour or two.

You CAN shower, shave, spend two hours getting knock out'd up. Call that mother fucker and have him come over and you can PUT IT THE FUCK DOWN and make him hurt because he should still want your ass like he needs air! This is a revenge fuck, in one of it's plainest forms.

You already know what to expect. He knows what you like, you know what he likes, just makes for easier, and quite possibly a better fuck. Definitely quicker and smoother... And by quicker I mean to make it to the sheets.

Some of the downers of it~

Well... he could say no. And let's face it... if he says no, it's going to hurt. He might say no on principle. If you left him, he could be severely butthurt and going to say NO to get some of his ego back. But he could say yes, hopin if he puts it down on you, you will see the error of your ways. If he left you, chances are he's already bonin' someone else. If he's a true dog, he might fuck you behind her back. Which could be fun and exciting. So you got a 50/50 shot either way.

Emotions. The bane of any true slut's existence. And I am not talkin about his feelings. If you have a touch of feelings left, sex is only going to amp them up. Don't think you are pimp and can pull it off. You can't. If you still have that dreaded disease FEELINGS, move on and go to the bar. Because the only thing that's going to happen is that you are going to let every second thought run through your mind while he's thinkin about his nut. You will get hurt again, even worse than the original break up. It's just going to be all kinds of messy.

Okay, and here's another bad one... If you aren't together anymore, who's to say it's still clean?! Most people run out and fuck someone else as soon as they are single. It helps wipe the slate clean, it's where the Rebound thing comes into play. How many rebounds have they had since you split?? Oh, ya don't know?? Were they safe when they were sweating with someone else?? Oh yeah, you don't know that either... You weren't there. People lie.

I guess it all boils down to where you stand with your ex. How do you feel about your ex? Are you pimp enough to not have any feelings except physical? Are you secure in yourself enough that if they laugh at you when you make your booty call, that you won't hurt?

Personally, my boy brain kicks in... and I think to myself... "Been there, done that." While I am shaving my legs to go to the bar. We all know that there's bigger, better and more beautiful out there... So why shouldn't I continue on my quest to find it? I would only call an ex out of desperation, and that doesn't happen. I'm too fuckin cute for me to be desperate.

Now, go dig out your flat iron and your make up bag... it's Ladies' night at the local bar.....

*BSWK*
~The Slut

http://thesarcasticmama.blogspot.com/

The Varying Degrees of "NSA Sex"

I was recently talking to a guy about things going on in my life, when it dawned on me that some guys DON'T know the rules and guidelines to being a good benny. Since there are some people who aren't aware of this, maybe they don't know the subtle differences to bennies, buddies, and booty calls. So we'll go over this and the rules of each. We'll start with the lowest on the list here...

Booty Call~ Refers to the act as well as the recurring person. The actual call is normally placed between midnight and 3 am. Constitutes a request for a fuck. Usually met with exuberance and or glee. You converge, bang it out, and deuce up when it's over. In some cases, it does take some work on the behalf of the pursuer, to get to this point. There may have been long talks on the phone, thousands of text messages, lengthy facebook messages, maybe even a date or two. In others, it's just knowing a broad is down for it. She makes no bones about being okay with honest to fuck NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Find one of these, and it's like hitting the jackpot. In either case, once it has become booty call status, there is no unneeded conversations, there is no long phone time, or even surplus face time. Soon as the door closes, there's a mutual disregard to social niceties, and on to the fucking. There are NEVER presents, gifts or dates after it becomes booty call status. The ONLY time you see this person is to fuck. The only time you talk to this person is to set up a time/place to fuck.

Fuck Buddy~ A fuck buddy is someone who you hang out with, but aren't 'dating' them. You get together, watch a few movies, order pizza, play video games and fuck. You might even go to the bar with them, and chill for the evening. Yet again, every time you hang out with this person you fuck them. The difference between this and a booty call is that you do OTHER things and fuck. You don't hang out with a fuck buddy and NOT fuck. You call a fuck buddy between relationships, or when not looking for a new bedwarmer. You don't do lengthy phone calls, but you can talk on the phone. You still only hang out with a fuck buddy when planning to fuck. You don't do dinner dates at expensive restaurants, but stopping at McDonald's or BK and springin for a few burgers is okay. There are no gifts, unless they specifically pertain to the fuck part of your buddy. If you try appealing to the buddy part of your fuck buddy, that makes this something all together different, it makes it bennies, or friends with benefits. (Next section) Fuck buddies is still considered NSA, because it's a mutual understanding that at any moment one or both parties may fall out of buddy-ness. When this happens, it is to be met with a shrug and life continues.

Benny~ This is also known as Friends With Benefits (FWB). Bennies are *not* NSA. But most people like to pretend it is. It's kinda like dickin down your best female friend. She knows you. She knows your favorite shows. You bitch about work to her, and you tell her when things are lookin up. You hang out with her and you don't HAVE to fuck. You text her because you saw something funny and knew she would laugh too. There's no romance, there's no flowers, there's no gifts. (Except on birthdays and gift giving holidays. Typically with a $20 limit) There's no 'dating' -but there is a sense of comfortableness. It's like relationship-lite. It's for those people who have a fear of commitment, and would much rather "keep things casual" but know there's someone readily available for weddings/dinner parties/social events. Typically bennies are only fuckin one person. A type of 'break-up' is needed to end this arrangement. It's not a traditional break-up. This can also be handled by a slow weening off of sex with the other person.

I hope this clears up any confusion... but in case you are still perplexed as to if you fall into one of these categories, answer a few of these questions....

1.) Are you having sex with this person?
Yes. Proceed to question 2.
No. You are just friends.

2.) Do you only hear from this person in the middle of the night?
Yes. You may be a booty call, refer to next question.
a.) When they call/text, are they asking to come over to fuck?
Yes. This means this is a booty call.
No. Then why the fuck are they calling you in the middle of the night?!?!

No. Calls/texts in the evening.
a.) Are they making plans to hang out that evening or the next?
Yes. You are most likely a fuck buddy.
No. If they are calling to just talk and BS, you may be a benny.

No. Calls/texts any time day or night.
a.) Are you spending time together inside and outside of the bedroom?
Yes.
i.) Are you going to expensive dinner dates?
Yes. You're dating fuckhead.
No. You are probably bennies.

No, just inside the bedroom. You are probably a fuck buddy on it's way to benny.

No, just outside the bedroom. If you were sleeping together at one point, and are no longer spending time in the bedroom, you are going through a 'break' from a benny.

I hope that this insight has helped you classify your NSA arrangement. If you have further questions, I don't know what to tell you. I laid it out pretty cut and dry. You shouldn't be getting laid if you don't understand where you fit after this.

*BSWK*

Like Campbell's soup...

Who me?? What do I taste like? I taste like dreams come true, I taste like the sweetness of a first kiss wrapped up in the wickedness of experience, like exquisite torture and the epitome of perfection. That's what I taste like.

Dancin at 7:30 on a Friday morning??

That's right... I am sittin here boppin to LMFAO's Sexy and I Know It, smoking a cigarette, gettin kidders ready for school. (They are watchin Robots on FX right now.) Yes, I called THE Boy last night. He yelled at me cause I fell asleep Thursday morning and he tried calling me again. While we were on the phone, lots of things were discussed and traipsed about and giggled over and pseudo planned. I am happy when we are just bullshitting, discussing things like religion, and ink, and music, and family. We talked about family too. About what's going to happen when he looses what I have lost, and how he's going to freak out. And he admires me for staying so strong.

We talked about music, and how he had Adam Lambert's What Do You Want From Me stuck in his head. I played it. Just cause sometimes that helps. It's NOT his style of music. Not even close. But for some reason he says it fits how he feels right now. hmmmmmm... veddy veddy interesting. Jus' sayin'.

So, for your listening pleasure....



How would YOU take that???

*BSWK*

Ugggggggghhhhhhhh

Oh my fucking gawd. If this mother fucker doesn't pillage and plunder through my goodies soon I swear I will have to hurt him!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

He called me tonight. I thought he was on vacation. He only had Sunday and Monday nights off. When I didn't call him at all last night, he called me at 12:30, so he had to of busted through his work for the night to call me as soon as he could. Which makes me happy. He's also sticking to the "they are done." Excuse for the weekend?? He didn't have the gas to come get me. He said it would've been pointless to call me just to say "I really wish you were here." Which is a good point. But he's made plans for this coming weekend with me. We'll see, I'm not trying to get my hopes up too high because they will just get busted up again, and I ain't tryin to kill him. {at least like that... But let's face it.. I plan on breaking him at some point.}

I'm kinda nervous. He's talking long term ("One day in the distant future we're going to just get done fuckin and I am going to...") Wait. Wha-?? I just wanna fuck a few times. Just check it out, test drive the damn car before I lease it, let alone think of buyin it. How can I be expected to be in a serious relationship right now?? Ummm... I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I *WANT* to do it. I mean, IF there was a guy I would consider settling down with, it would be one of two guys, and he's one of them. I just don't know if I am ready for all that. If it happens, and it's comfortable, then I won't bitch about it. But I am not looking for Mr Right. I'm looking for Mr wants to bust a nut Right Now. I am having fun being the Slut. Being balls out, completely sexual. I don't know if I could do that in a relationship.

But I am not going to sweat this. I am PIMPSKITTLES! Let's just get the naked part handled a few times. We'll see where we stand then. I hope he's good. I hope he's mind numbing inexplicably GOOOOOOOD.... He already looks like a side of "LAWD HELP ME!" wrapped in a double layer of "FUCK ME!" Let's hope he fucks as good as he looks. The way he talks... he MIGHT be the only man live to have the HOPE of breaking me, and making me beg for mercy. And that, is my quest. Be broken... Beg for mercy because it's too amazing.

Okay, he's going to be calling me back. So Imma close.
*BSWK*

fuck

Skin of painted alabaster, eyes of the ocean. Swaying hips, and whetted lips. Tempting luscious curves, soft hollows, all warm to your touch. Run your hands over my body, make my breath hitch in anticipation. Press the hard plane of you against the malleable flesh of me. Fill me, complete me. Make me moan.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You want me to describe this lust? The heaviness I feel when you are close? The shiver you send through my body from just a raised eyebrow? I can not. When I try I am slick, and swollen. The feel of your body pressed against mine is anything but chaste, even when we try so hard to fight the desire. When you whisper in my ear these deviant little things, they twist in me, they awaken things better left sleeping. The day this is consummated, the day we finally unleash this deamon, Heaven and Hell will collide, and all shall be chaos.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A sultry sigh, a shivering thigh, a dream to touch you. Lips parted, the rush of whett, the pillaging of my wanton desire. I beg you, take me. I beg you, break me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Come to me, my sweet, my love, my ache. Lay your head upon my breast and lie here quietly. Let me whisper to you all the wondrous things I plan to do to you in the dark, in the night. Let me trail my nails over your skin with the slightest bite. Let me make you arch and moan, heave and beg. Come to me, my sweet, my love, my ache.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rampant

I've thought about this tonight... What goes through my mind when I am about to get laid... this is what's going on in the brain of Slut when there are hands and mouths everywhere and the moments leading up to it....

Okay, is this going to happen or what?? It better be good, that's all I got to say... Oh Oh Oh I think he's makin his move!! Oh- well I guess not. Do my tits look good? ::look down, and adjust them out more so they are more obvious:: Imma lean forward a bit too, doe eye him a little bit. Maybe he'll get it then!! Yup.. Houston we have lift off!! Oh wow... he's pretty good at this kissing thing... In three, two, one... ARCH AND MOAN. Perfect, his hands are moving now... touch--yeah... that's what mami likes... Mouth lower, lower, lower... yeah you better spend some time with the girls mmmmmmhhhmmmmmmm... Wait. Where did my shirt go for you to get them? WHEN did my shirt go--- Ahhh fuck who cares? You are working that mouth pretty good. Here, put your hands here, pants gone to?? Shit I am naked. I didn't realize there was this much light in this room. Too fucking late now. Dammit.Shit.Fuck.Sonuvabitch. Please let him be just too damn turned on to notice that I'm better in clothes. HOLY FUCK ME!!! I don't even care as long as he doesn't stop with that tongue!! Oh Jesus!! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW Stop what you are doing and fuck me til I die! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH YES!! Deeperharderfastermore!!!!

That's it. Now, I am not saying it's the same every time. But that's the general gist of it.

Am I alone?

*BSWK*

That feeling in my gut

I hate it. Everyone feels it different. To me it's like a sack of pythons squiggling around in that low part of my belly. Right above and behind my pubic bone. If it feels like that to you, you know what the hell I am talking about. I need laid. Badly. Now, I know damn good and well, that I could get fucked six ways to Sunday. -But- I'm not into the guys who wanna bang it out right now. The FEW that I would let them have full access to the goodies, just don't seem to WANT the full access. Which is a bit rough on the ego. I guess it's just whatever.

All I know is that sexual frustration is the worst physical feeling. It's actually pain for me. Literal.Pain. Now, I am not one of those girls who plays coy like I never masturbate. I rub 'em out more than any guy I know. Even when I am being dicked on the regular, I masturbate like it's my job. But it's getting to the point where it's only lessening the ache for a few minutes, then it grows and swallows me back up.

WHY CAN'T I GET LAID??? Why does life fucking suck?? I am going to go lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes.

*BSWK*

Adulation for the Lucid

I am not stupid. I know I come off as a little brain dead sometimes, but I always know the score, even when I try to ignore the game. Attempt to ignore the game is what I have been trying desperately to do. It's not working. I am failing miserably. It hurts, a little, but mostly it pisses me off. I know better than this shit. Did I see it coming? Yes. Did I know it was going to be right here pissed and irritated? Yes. Did I do one God damn thing to stop it? Nope. Not one damn thing. It's that stupid girl part of my brain. Hold onto fairytales, believe in love, unicorns shit butterflies and dicks taste like skittles. Fuck that. I hate that I have that little, bubbly, pink ribbon in her hair, BITCH in my head, encouraging me to go all out, put myself out there... SOMEONE will catch me. Lies. The bitch lies.

Thursday night, I called THE Boy. He informs me that not only did him and his girl split, but he wants to do something with me over the weekend. Can you hear the excitement in the typing? I thought I was going to DIE!! No bullshit, we weren't pullin punches. We've already discussed how if we were alone in a social setting, our actions wouldn't fall on the permissible end of things... Seeings how he was engaged and we were 'just friends.' I was geeked. We both knew damn good and well what was being thrown out there. After 17 years, we were going to put the other to the test... See who was going to cry for mercy first. He made sure he had my phone number again, and said he'd call me over the weekend. We bullshitted for some time, and he told me he was going on vacation for this week.

Now, I have never been the type of girl to sit by the phone for a guy. FUCK THAT! I like having messages. It makes a bitch feel important when she's got messages. Even when I had a cell phone (which I do not have, they get me in trouble) I would ignore calls on purpose so I had messages. So, sit by the phone isn't my thing. But I really didn't leave the house at all.. I didn't have plans or anything... Just sat here and did my thing. ALL WEEKEND. It's now Tuesday morning and I *still* haven't heard from him. These are the reasons I can come up with:

1.) Aliens have abducted him. He's in some parallel universe trying to find his way back to the here and now.

2.) He lost the piece of paper he had my number written on. (He also does not have a cell phone... also gets him in trouble.) He's spent the last few nights driving around town yelling "MARCO!!" on every block.

3.) I am not as cute/funny/sweet/fuckable as I thought. If this is true, he's the type of guy who wouldn't hurt me and tell me that's what it is, so he just pacifies me.

4.) He could also just be using it as an ego boost. Because let's face it.... If someone is fawning all over you, in that non-threatening I'm-not-a-crazy-stalker way, it boosts an ego.

5.) They got back together. An absolute possibility. But this one is more of one....

6.) They never broke up in the first place.**

I don't know if I completely buy that they split up in the first place. Call it, women's intu- no it's better than that... it's my Pimpsenses tingling. It feels like a half truth. Which is a strong game. You don't all out lie, you just twist the truth a bit. Most chicks buy half truths. They FEEL honest enough. Guys buy them because they think they are too damn awesome for a lil ole girl to get one over on them.

Since I have a pretty strong game myself, I smell it coming. Unless I don't want to. Ever since THE Boy found me in January I've debated game or truth?? I have to say, to keep me guessing, is some good fucking game. I don't WANT to believe it's all game. I want him to be honest with me completely... I'm a big girl, I can deal. But there's something OFF about the whole thing, and I think it's cause it's game.

Don't get things twisted. I am not devastated that it's game. Shit! If he thought he needed to run game, I feel a fuck ton of amazingsauce. I'd've fucked him without it tho. Honesty, people, honesty. MOST guys in my life know exactly how I feel about them. If I wanna fuck them, if I am cool with hanging out with them, if they are a friend, if they are a best friend, whatever. I'm completely honest with most of them. (No, not every single one of them, because you can't TELL someone you are runnin their ass... DUH!)

I guess I am just floating. Not banking on him calling me this week, and still up in the air about if I am going to call him at work next week. That's only fair right?? He ignored me... I can ignore him. But if he calls... I am fucking him like he's the last lay I will ever have. Once I am done with him, he's going to CRAVE me. That's what he deserves for this. ;)

*BSWK*

Formidable Unabashed Carnal Knowledge

In having my like page, I have entered into some interesting relationships. Other admins either love me or hate me. I flirt like mad, with seemingly males and seemingly females alike. I have no shame. lol. There are a few pages that I am now on their personal friends' lists, and there are others where the game is just to flirt and play. There is one who runs a blog, a hilarity filled blog. It's very flirty funny, blah blah blah. This is the conversation that has ensued that lead to now.....

Slut~ Seen it... not impressed. Babies freak me out... they are contagious... NOT ON ALL THAT. But my deviants will probably love the baby!!
20 hours ago · Like

GG~ slut - 1, genius - 0
20 hours ago · Unlike · 1 person

Slut~ Slut- pimpskittles GG- playa in training. :O (Did I just type that out loud??)
20 hours ago · Like

GG~ playa in training...you're funny.
20 hours ago · Unlike · 1 person

Deviant~ hmmm the slut wins over the genius how very unusual....
20 hours ago · Unlike · 1 person

Slut~ GG.. smooches baby... When you can keep up you let me know and we might let you off the porch. (I'm still waiting on my topic... facts? positions? craziest hookups? craziest places?? Make your choice)
Deviant-- Cause I'm a Slick Smart Slut. ;)
20 hours ago · Like · 1 person

GG~ email me: XXXXXX@gmail.com we'll talk topics smart ass. lol
20 hours ago · Unlike · 1 person

Emails:

On Oct 30, 2011 8:59 PM, "Ssilly Mcslutterson" wrote:
Sup babyluv? Gimme a topic to center on!!
*BSWK*
Your fave Slut


From: GG
To: Ssilly Mcslutterson
Sent: Monday, October 31, 2011 9:45 AM
Subject: Re: It's PIMPSKITTLES to your Playa in training

Good morning lovely! Alright, topic to focus on for a column is...
Why women are more freaky in bed then men.
Thoughts?


On Mon, Oct 31, 2011 at 3:02 PM, Ssilly Mcslutterson wrote:
That's easy... like super uber easy. Girls are freakier because we are more comfortable in our sexuality. Which means that it's no big when we get drunk and make out with our best friend, or when we're in bed with some guy and we make that snap decision that we're going to be that fantasy girl and we pull out the 'bad bitch' tricks. Because no matter what you've asked me to do, everyone still sees me as HOT. Boys on the other hand, guys think they can't get freak nasty buck wild and tell the girl to stick something in his ass (no matter how badly he wants it.) It might get out, and his boys will think he's a fag. Let's not mention here that sticking something in a guy's ass at the right moment, at the right angle, will give him the best mind blowing the-world-is-going-to-end orgasm he's ever had. BEST.NUT.EVER. There's nothing you can do to some girls that constitutes as 'kink.' There's some girls that draw the line in the sand twenty minutes before the tide rolls in, knowing you're going to push her limits and MAKE her do things she's never considered before. Girls like being pushed. Don't get shit twisted. You can't just take a dump on the next chick you bring home.... But if you are with a girl, and she seems a little freshman at the whole kink thing, try slappin her ass while you have her FDAU. Ten to one, she's going to go wilcat crazy and beg for more. Guys don't like to be pushed. Not unless they are to that point in the relationship that the sex is getting a little boring and they are grasping at strings to bring it back. They have to implicitly trust their partner, that she won't open her damn mouth. And even then, they get all bitchified about it.

Not to mention... some chicks are just attention whores... and we love it when the last guy is STILL talkin to his boys about the fuck-tab-u-lust things we've done to them, and how the new bitch can't even HOPE to measure up. Not to mention, this sets things up... if the last guy he did the right thing by braggin up how flexible I am, and how fantasy worthy fuckin me is... His boys want to fuck me now. And if he fucked up, and turned into a super doucher... You best believe I am taking advantage of that. ;)

Now... give me a thread topic that's not so easy. And not something I've already gone over in my own posts.

If you need schooled some more, write me back.... Or find Silly's profile on FB. I am STILL PIMPSKITTLES to your Playa In Training.

*BSWK*
~Your Fave Slut


From: GG
To: Ssilly Mcslutterson
Sent: Monday, October 31, 2011 6:09 PM
Subject: Re: It's PIMPSKITTLES to your Playa in training

that was way too fucking easy for you.

you down to do an advice column? i have quite a few. i think you would be great at it.

let me know.


ps - don't make me give you the o-face. lol. seriously.


Ssilly McSlutterson replied:

Sure! I am cool for that. Just let me know. I do most of my own bloggin/page upkeep/emailing/internet crap during the middle of the night. But I am on it. (what kind of a Slut would I be if I wasn't?)


And... "O-Face?" isn't that cute babyluv??? Little Playa in Training think he can pimp a Pimpskittles pimp?!?! Sooo fuckin adorable. I'd run your ass... You'd be dehydrated and whinin' like a puppy in the morning. While I was eyein up the next victim cause this bitch is insatiable. :*P

*BSWK*


*************************************
Now, I really really enjoy his page, and his blog and his funny as two idiots fuckin in a portajon advice column. I take it as high praise that he asked me to do a column. Now, if only I could get that damn O-face......


*BIG SLOPPY WHETT KISSES*

Some Background.....

This blog is going to be about my adventures, my scores and my loses, my *life* as a female with self-diagnosed 'boy brain.' Because of this specific mind set, I don't tend to look at things like a 'normal' girl. I have a very guy like approach to sex and relationships. This gets in the way of some of my female friendships because I tend to break certain girl code rules. Like, if you and your guy are having some dumb issues over something like miscommunication, I have the ease and ability to break it down for your guy what they mistranslated. I also give them some inside info, like that intentional time we raise our eyebrow like 'are you ready yet?' Which in turn, sparks jealousy between me and my female friends... It does not help that I am a shameless flirt. I flirt horribly in and out of relationships, but I tone it down a lot when I am claimed. But I don't break the number one rule of girl code: Boyfriends, Ex-boyfriends, guys who you have their number, guys who belong on your 'peopleidliketofuckbook', guys who we will never meet but you still think are uber hot... ALL OFF LIMITS TO ME!!! (this rule is null and void if I do not like you anyways.) So the jealousy gets annoying. I have some pretty amazing friends in my life now, and I don't have that issue with any of them... but it's been known to happen.

I am "The Slut." I am that girl that every other girl hates. I am all about being me. I don't care anymore about what people think about me. I've been through too much to care if someone doesn't like me or what I do. Some girls don't let it out because they are worried about their family or friends judging them. But me?? I am *DONE* living to please everyone else. I did it for too damn long. So, do I think that makes me "The Slut?" No. But you would if you had a hot single brother and saw me in action. (Shut up, brothers aren't listed in the girl code!! We all know brothers and cousins are free game.) I don't think I am a slut because I go after what I want. I don't think I am a slut because I have had and will have one night stands. I *do* think I am a SLUT because I am Supremely Lurid & Unforgivingly Twisted. Maybe I am a slut because I have a vast and extensive carnal knowledge. I don't know. And I really don't care. I think it's funny. So funny in fact, that I have "SLUT" tattooed on my shoulder.

I was married, I had been a serial monogamist for 15 years. When my marriage broke up, I took a year off. From life period. I went on a few 'dates,' but wasn't on anything for a long time. I was holding my breath. I was Sleeping Beauty waiting for Prince Philip to come wake me back up. Turns out, Prince Philip wasn't the prince I thought. Prince Philip ended up being King Douchebag, and ripped my heart to shreds at every turn. Finally, I got pissed off enough and realized that Sleeping Beauty was a Princess by birth and didn't need a God damned prince to make her a Queen, and woke the fuck up on my own.

I was broken... But I remembered something from bygone years... This bitch had GAME! I have that quality that makes it easy for me to tune in, and be exactly what they want me to be. And I could do that, to get what I want. Which most of the time, is just an ego boost, sometimes a lay. I don't think I am all that pretty, I'm petite, and I have a nice rack, but honestly I think that's all I have going for me physically. I act cute tho. I act cute as hell. And people eat that shit up. It's that thing inside me that says "the snarky bitch role will work with this one" or "play wounded girl, he'll be putty in your hands." I have no scruples about doing it either. If that's what makes me a slut... then so be it. I'll wear it proudly.

Once I realized how much game I had, and how good it felt to be back in the game, callin up a second string pitcher when the first one pulled a delt, I was ON IT! I wasn't sleeping with anyone yet... just had a few hooks in the water, all with fish on them, I just had to reel the biggest catch in. And I did...

After talking to Boy X, for awhile, I agreed to a date. We met, we clicked he was funny... and oh gawds!! There's NOTHING more important to me than a sense of humor. Not just ANY sense of humor, it has to be the right sense of humor. I have a mean streak, and that's most of my humor. I was born to be a heckler. The first thing I told my oldest friend Jennybae after the date was "I really like him! He's mean! He tried to trip me down the hill, he made fun of the park, he argued everything I said!" (All of that was his sense of humor. He didn't REALLY try to trip me, just told me he should, all the while he was at the bottom of the hill and I was at the top.) We had spent all afternoon together and had plans for the following Thursday to hang out again before the date was over. (Always a good sign when they try to make a second date before the first is done with!) Second date comes, and I make the snap decision... It's on. I had been celibate for over a year. A FUCKING YEAR PEOPLE!! So, we drove up to the lake, spread out a blanket and was sitting there talking. I didn't make the first move, per se. But you know how we make ourselves abundantly clear that a first move is acceptable and will be received warmly?? Yeah... I was screaming silently through a bullhorn at him to JUST DO IT! So, we did. I wish I could say it was anything more than "eh." It didn't last long, it wasn't very big, it was just "eh." Props that he went all oral about it. But even then that only lifted him to "Meh" status.

Whole time I am messin around with Boy X, I'm becoming friends with Ass. Ass is cool. He's no pressure, he's very 'the only way I would kick you out of bed is to fuck you on the floor.' But not in the chase it way, more in the "jus sayin'" way. Mostly we talk about food. I swear we were ALWAYS talking about food. Anylaid, Ass and I are bullshitting one night and basically it was a straight up he was going to actively pursue and if he got somewhere SCORE! If not, oh well. I thought.. 'fuck it, why not?' Bing bang boom, and deuces. Literally I deuced up. Better than Boy X by a landslide, but no fireworks or anything. At least it was longer than 6 minutes!!! I still messed around with Boy X for a few weeks. Along comes my birthday, big fuckin talk from Boy X about how I better clear my schedule, he's gonna own my ass blah blah blah. Birthday comes and goes, and Oh Looky There... No Boy X. Oh well... he thought he was bein pimp, but really... I was talking to a new boy by then. Hey.. don't judge, we weren't married or anything. Not to mention, I walked up in this mother fucker's house one day and it smelled like he'd just kicked the bitch out ten minutes before I got there. (Sex hangs in the air for awhile... but not that strong.)

All this time, I am still in contact with Ass. It's different now. Not bad, just different. He didn't turn into douche or anything... Matter of fact, he's one of my closest friends. I'm glad what happened happened for the simple reason that it'll never have to happen now. It's already done. I tell him about "first string," he knows there's someone on the side, he knows that I am not satisfied sleeping with Boy X, he got everything. He knew which games I was running where, even would call out the mistakes I was making and how to correct them. I know he's runnin his own games, has his own strings, but he never really talks about them with me. If he wants to he knows I'll listen... But I am content with not hearing about the other chicks in his life. (What can I say, I am an attention whore. At least I am *HONEST* about it... Yeah, you know some of you bitches are but don't wanna admit it, like the sky will fall if you do.) So he knows when I start talkin to Squishy and what's bein said and what's going on.

Squishy was a great guy. He really was. We would talk for hours and hours. We talked about music, we talked about movies, we talked about our marriages and what had happened. First date, and second date were just cheap, let's sit here and talk for hours Denny's dates. Then he invited me to a concert. THE CONCERT. My favorite group, A Perfect Circle. Oh you bet I was on it!! But I was beginning to wonder if he wasn't really that into me. Two dates and he hadn't even tried to hold my hand!! I was told by other guy friends that I was intimidating. I couldn't have that. But I didn't know how to fix it, so I went with it.

Now see, APC has this effect on me, it's purely physical in it's manifestation. Plainly put, it's turns me the fuck on. IN CONCERT?? I am going to be wholly inappropriate with this guy who hasn't even KISSED me yet! I should warn him. I tried. I did. He didn't listen. He thought I was exaggerating. I never lie about sex, or anything of a sexual nature. NEVER.EVER.LIE.ABOUT.SEX. Weeeelllllllll, we drive to Pittsburgh. We were at this concert. When I started grindin back on him, I think he got a small tiny picture of the fact that his ass was HIT. He finally kissed me, at that concert. But I am positive he'd already been rock hard thinkin about what it would be like to have me move like that naked.

After the concert, he asked if I was in a hurry to get back to my hometown, or if I was up to do some exploring. I was cool with that. So we walked, we kissed, we talked, we kissed some more, we ended up walking along the river, when God said "Now you won't be able to walk anymore!!" Thunder cracked, and the sky opened up and it started storming. He snatched me up around my ribs and swooped under the overpass and started kissin the back of my neck. OH MY FUCK! It was fantasy level fap fodder!! He had me pinned against the concrete wall, wrists clamped above my head, and his mouth on my ear saying the most amazing things. I couldn't do anything but mewl and beg and arch into him. A few minutes and he let me go and told me to come on, we still had a two hour drive back to his house. Wait... What? No no no no no Mister Big Stuff... you don't forfeit a game when you are winning. Uh no. Not with this chick. I looked at him, over my shoulder, and I said "You go on without me. I won't make it..." He just looked at me. "I said if you don't take care of it right now, I will." He gave me that kid on Christmas morning look, and we went at it. Yes, I fucked along the river, in a thunderstorm, after an amazing concert, in downtown Pittsburgh. I can not put into words how good he was. It was perfect. I couldn't have changed anything to make it better. I had been broke off right and proper. We get back to his house and I spend two solid days with him, and we fucked like rabbits.

We continued to see each other. We had some snags, and eventually decided to just be friends. We're from two completely different cultures. Some of the BIG things that define me, he didn't understand. I am loud, I am brash, I can be embarrassing. I am also everyone's friend. My best friends don't carry their shit alone, I help them. Those things are the very essence that is me. He had issues with them. As I said before... I am not changing for anyone anymore.

When Squishy and I decided to call it quits, Boy X randomly tries to get back in touch with me. I basically lie to him. I don't care. I laugh about it, blow it off. I am tryin to find a new line up. I start workin it out, lines cast. The Boy I really want... aka THE Boy, is engaged. We can't stay in contact with each other because there are feelings involved. So we drift, I don't want to break his relationship, and he does love her. So we normally break ties after a few weeks, give it a few weeks cool out time, then we reconnect... for a few weeks. At this time, THE Boy has been out of my life for almost two months. I'm okay with that, for then. I'm doin my thing.

Sept 30, the night before my best girl's birthday. BAR THIRTY! Before going to the bar, I set up a *LIKE* page on FB, I am tired of gettin bitched at and deleted by my real life friends for 'clogging up their newsfeed.' This way I could post what I wanted, and not worry about what anyone said. Cause it's completely okay to *UN*like my page. I go to the bar, I have a few drinks, I come home, I pass out. The next morning, my sister calls. Sissy B (my roommate and best friend) wakes me up, I take the call. My mom had passed away that morning. Needless to say, strings were cut. My life was on pause.

I relied on my friends. Sissy B, Nan, Jennybae, Midget, and Ass. I even slipped up and clung to Douchebag for a few minutes. I called THE Boy. As soon as he heard my voice, he told me that he'd been thinking of getting a hold of me for the past week, he just had this nagging feeling that he should find me. I tell him about my mom. Now, had we not had the history we had, I probably wouldn't have bothered. THE Boy had been my best friend from the time I was 12 until I was 17, when we lost contact. He knew my mom, and knew her in her glory days. Before she got sick. He offered his condolences, and did his best to make me smile. He's always been my clown. No matter how bad things seem, he can make me smile. And that, chile is what keeps 'em hooked. We start talkin again.

My page is my outlet. I can say what I want, I can center it around sex, which is where I feel comfortable. I can ask for the laughs, and the fans are there for me. Cause that's how I deal with things, sex and laughter. I've also met some pretty cool people through my page. No one truly thinks I am a Slut. Then again, a girl who hasn't been laid in 6 weeks can't really be labeled as a Slut at this moment, can she?

But now you are all caught up... that's a little of the background that's gotten me here... These are my sordid stories. You won't agree with a lot of my decisions. You'll think I am stupid, or a whore, or ignorant. But hopefully, when I am on my upswing, when I am on top of the world, you'll cheer for me.

*BIG SLOPPY WHETT KISSES*
~The Slut