This blog is going to be about my adventures, my scores and my loses, my *life* as a female with self-diagnosed 'boy brain.' Because of this specific mind set, I don't tend to look at things like a 'normal' girl. I have a very guy like approach to sex and relationships. This gets in the way of some of my female friendships because I tend to break certain girl code rules. Like, if you and your guy are having some dumb issues over something like miscommunication, I have the ease and ability to break it down for your guy what they mistranslated. I also give them some inside info, like that intentional time we raise our eyebrow like 'are you ready yet?' Which in turn, sparks jealousy between me and my female friends... It does not help that I am a shameless flirt. I flirt horribly in and out of relationships, but I tone it down a lot when I am claimed. But I don't break the number one rule of girl code: Boyfriends, Ex-boyfriends, guys who you have their number, guys who belong on your 'peopleidliketofuckbook', guys who we will never meet but you still think are uber hot... ALL OFF LIMITS TO ME!!! (this rule is null and void if I do not like you anyways.) So the jealousy gets annoying. I have some pretty amazing friends in my life now, and I don't have that issue with any of them... but it's been known to happen.
I am "The Slut." I am that girl that every other girl hates. I am all about being me. I don't care anymore about what people think about me. I've been through too much to care if someone doesn't like me or what I do. Some girls don't let it out because they are worried about their family or friends judging them. But me?? I am *DONE* living to please everyone else. I did it for too damn long. So, do I think that makes me "The Slut?" No. But you would if you had a hot single brother and saw me in action. (Shut up, brothers aren't listed in the girl code!! We all know brothers and cousins are free game.) I don't think I am a slut because I go after what I want. I don't think I am a slut because I have had and will have one night stands. I *do* think I am a SLUT because I am Supremely Lurid & Unforgivingly Twisted. Maybe I am a slut because I have a vast and extensive carnal knowledge. I don't know. And I really don't care. I think it's funny. So funny in fact, that I have "SLUT" tattooed on my shoulder.
I was married, I had been a serial monogamist for 15 years. When my marriage broke up, I took a year off. From life period. I went on a few 'dates,' but wasn't on anything for a long time. I was holding my breath. I was Sleeping Beauty waiting for Prince Philip to come wake me back up. Turns out, Prince Philip wasn't the prince I thought. Prince Philip ended up being King Douchebag, and ripped my heart to shreds at every turn. Finally, I got pissed off enough and realized that Sleeping Beauty was a Princess by birth and didn't need a God damned prince to make her a Queen, and woke the fuck up on my own.
I was broken... But I remembered something from bygone years... This bitch had GAME! I have that quality that makes it easy for me to tune in, and be exactly what they want me to be. And I could do that, to get what I want. Which most of the time, is just an ego boost, sometimes a lay. I don't think I am all that pretty, I'm petite, and I have a nice rack, but honestly I think that's all I have going for me physically. I act cute tho. I act cute as hell. And people eat that shit up. It's that thing inside me that says "the snarky bitch role will work with this one" or "play wounded girl, he'll be putty in your hands." I have no scruples about doing it either. If that's what makes me a slut... then so be it. I'll wear it proudly.
Once I realized how much game I had, and how good it felt to be back in the game, callin up a second string pitcher when the first one pulled a delt, I was ON IT! I wasn't sleeping with anyone yet... just had a few hooks in the water, all with fish on them, I just had to reel the biggest catch in. And I did...
After talking to Boy X, for awhile, I agreed to a date. We met, we clicked he was funny... and oh gawds!! There's NOTHING more important to me than a sense of humor. Not just ANY sense of humor, it has to be the right sense of humor. I have a mean streak, and that's most of my humor. I was born to be a heckler. The first thing I told my oldest friend Jennybae after the date was "I really like him! He's mean! He tried to trip me down the hill, he made fun of the park, he argued everything I said!" (All of that was his sense of humor. He didn't REALLY try to trip me, just told me he should, all the while he was at the bottom of the hill and I was at the top.) We had spent all afternoon together and had plans for the following Thursday to hang out again before the date was over. (Always a good sign when they try to make a second date before the first is done with!) Second date comes, and I make the snap decision... It's on. I had been celibate for over a year. A FUCKING YEAR PEOPLE!! So, we drove up to the lake, spread out a blanket and was sitting there talking. I didn't make the first move, per se. But you know how we make ourselves abundantly clear that a first move is acceptable and will be received warmly?? Yeah... I was screaming silently through a bullhorn at him to JUST DO IT! So, we did. I wish I could say it was anything more than "eh." It didn't last long, it wasn't very big, it was just "eh." Props that he went all oral about it. But even then that only lifted him to "Meh" status.
Whole time I am messin around with Boy X, I'm becoming friends with Ass. Ass is cool. He's no pressure, he's very 'the only way I would kick you out of bed is to fuck you on the floor.' But not in the chase it way, more in the "jus sayin'" way. Mostly we talk about food. I swear we were ALWAYS talking about food. Anylaid, Ass and I are bullshitting one night and basically it was a straight up he was going to actively pursue and if he got somewhere SCORE! If not, oh well. I thought.. 'fuck it, why not?' Bing bang boom, and deuces. Literally I deuced up. Better than Boy X by a landslide, but no fireworks or anything. At least it was longer than 6 minutes!!! I still messed around with Boy X for a few weeks. Along comes my birthday, big fuckin talk from Boy X about how I better clear my schedule, he's gonna own my ass blah blah blah. Birthday comes and goes, and Oh Looky There... No Boy X. Oh well... he thought he was bein pimp, but really... I was talking to a new boy by then. Hey.. don't judge, we weren't married or anything. Not to mention, I walked up in this mother fucker's house one day and it smelled like he'd just kicked the bitch out ten minutes before I got there. (Sex hangs in the air for awhile... but not that strong.)
All this time, I am still in contact with Ass. It's different now. Not bad, just different. He didn't turn into douche or anything... Matter of fact, he's one of my closest friends. I'm glad what happened happened for the simple reason that it'll never have to happen now. It's already done. I tell him about "first string," he knows there's someone on the side, he knows that I am not satisfied sleeping with Boy X, he got everything. He knew which games I was running where, even would call out the mistakes I was making and how to correct them. I know he's runnin his own games, has his own strings, but he never really talks about them with me. If he wants to he knows I'll listen... But I am content with not hearing about the other chicks in his life. (What can I say, I am an attention whore. At least I am *HONEST* about it... Yeah, you know some of you bitches are but don't wanna admit it, like the sky will fall if you do.) So he knows when I start talkin to Squishy and what's bein said and what's going on.
Squishy was a great guy. He really was. We would talk for hours and hours. We talked about music, we talked about movies, we talked about our marriages and what had happened. First date, and second date were just cheap, let's sit here and talk for hours Denny's dates. Then he invited me to a concert. THE CONCERT. My favorite group, A Perfect Circle. Oh you bet I was on it!! But I was beginning to wonder if he wasn't really that into me. Two dates and he hadn't even tried to hold my hand!! I was told by other guy friends that I was intimidating. I couldn't have that. But I didn't know how to fix it, so I went with it.
Now see, APC has this effect on me, it's purely physical in it's manifestation. Plainly put, it's turns me the fuck on. IN CONCERT?? I am going to be wholly inappropriate with this guy who hasn't even KISSED me yet! I should warn him. I tried. I did. He didn't listen. He thought I was exaggerating. I never lie about sex, or anything of a sexual nature. NEVER.EVER.LIE.ABOUT.SEX. Weeeelllllllll, we drive to Pittsburgh. We were at this concert. When I started grindin back on him, I think he got a small tiny picture of the fact that his ass was HIT. He finally kissed me, at that concert. But I am positive he'd already been rock hard thinkin about what it would be like to have me move like that naked.
After the concert, he asked if I was in a hurry to get back to my hometown, or if I was up to do some exploring. I was cool with that. So we walked, we kissed, we talked, we kissed some more, we ended up walking along the river, when God said "Now you won't be able to walk anymore!!" Thunder cracked, and the sky opened up and it started storming. He snatched me up around my ribs and swooped under the overpass and started kissin the back of my neck. OH MY FUCK! It was fantasy level fap fodder!! He had me pinned against the concrete wall, wrists clamped above my head, and his mouth on my ear saying the most amazing things. I couldn't do anything but mewl and beg and arch into him. A few minutes and he let me go and told me to come on, we still had a two hour drive back to his house. Wait... What? No no no no no Mister Big Stuff... you don't forfeit a game when you are winning. Uh no. Not with this chick. I looked at him, over my shoulder, and I said "You go on without me. I won't make it..." He just looked at me. "I said if you don't take care of it right now, I will." He gave me that kid on Christmas morning look, and we went at it. Yes, I fucked along the river, in a thunderstorm, after an amazing concert, in downtown Pittsburgh. I can not put into words how good he was. It was perfect. I couldn't have changed anything to make it better. I had been broke off right and proper. We get back to his house and I spend two solid days with him, and we fucked like rabbits.
We continued to see each other. We had some snags, and eventually decided to just be friends. We're from two completely different cultures. Some of the BIG things that define me, he didn't understand. I am loud, I am brash, I can be embarrassing. I am also everyone's friend. My best friends don't carry their shit alone, I help them. Those things are the very essence that is me. He had issues with them. As I said before... I am not changing for anyone anymore.
When Squishy and I decided to call it quits, Boy X randomly tries to get back in touch with me. I basically lie to him. I don't care. I laugh about it, blow it off. I am tryin to find a new line up. I start workin it out, lines cast. The Boy I really want... aka THE Boy, is engaged. We can't stay in contact with each other because there are feelings involved. So we drift, I don't want to break his relationship, and he does love her. So we normally break ties after a few weeks, give it a few weeks cool out time, then we reconnect... for a few weeks. At this time, THE Boy has been out of my life for almost two months. I'm okay with that, for then. I'm doin my thing.
Sept 30, the night before my best girl's birthday. BAR THIRTY! Before going to the bar, I set up a *LIKE* page on FB, I am tired of gettin bitched at and deleted by my real life friends for 'clogging up their newsfeed.' This way I could post what I wanted, and not worry about what anyone said. Cause it's completely okay to *UN*like my page. I go to the bar, I have a few drinks, I come home, I pass out. The next morning, my sister calls. Sissy B (my roommate and best friend) wakes me up, I take the call. My mom had passed away that morning. Needless to say, strings were cut. My life was on pause.
I relied on my friends. Sissy B, Nan, Jennybae, Midget, and Ass. I even slipped up and clung to Douchebag for a few minutes. I called THE Boy. As soon as he heard my voice, he told me that he'd been thinking of getting a hold of me for the past week, he just had this nagging feeling that he should find me. I tell him about my mom. Now, had we not had the history we had, I probably wouldn't have bothered. THE Boy had been my best friend from the time I was 12 until I was 17, when we lost contact. He knew my mom, and knew her in her glory days. Before she got sick. He offered his condolences, and did his best to make me smile. He's always been my clown. No matter how bad things seem, he can make me smile. And that, chile is what keeps 'em hooked. We start talkin again.
My page is my outlet. I can say what I want, I can center it around sex, which is where I feel comfortable. I can ask for the laughs, and the fans are there for me. Cause that's how I deal with things, sex and laughter. I've also met some pretty cool people through my page. No one truly thinks I am a Slut. Then again, a girl who hasn't been laid in 6 weeks can't really be labeled as a Slut at this moment, can she?
But now you are all caught up... that's a little of the background that's gotten me here... These are my sordid stories. You won't agree with a lot of my decisions. You'll think I am stupid, or a whore, or ignorant. But hopefully, when I am on my upswing, when I am on top of the world, you'll cheer for me.
*BIG SLOPPY WHETT KISSES*