Earlier today I was on the phone with our beloved Sarcastic Mama and the topic of our blogs came up. She googled me, and informed me that I had not blogged since July 3. That's crazy talk!! But she was right. I have horribly neglected you all. I just have so much on my plate right now. Where do I start?? How about back when I stopped blogging and posting on my page so much....
We all know that I was living in the house that my father owned. I was living there with Buh and my step sister Lil D and her boyfriend, and her two children. I don't want to slam anyone... but it wasn't a healthy environment. D has emotional issues and problems with addictions and the law, as did her boyfriend. They pretty much did nothing but smoke K2 and run the roads (yeah, she was still pregnant... She didn't care, so why should anyone else?) I stayed home, and cleaned the house... All.the.damn.time. I had friends (Beta, Ass, Nan... to name a few) telling me to stop doing everything and make them help. Turns out, they were telling my dad that Buh and I were trashing the house and making them clean it. She also told my dad that since I 'constantly had company over' she was relegated to sitting in her bedroom because she was uncomfortable. Truth of the matter was... Beta was there about four nights out of seven. He would message me while he was at work and ask me if I would mind cooking dinner. I absolutely love to cook. Seriously. I adore it. So I would always tell him "Sure. Bring what you want for dinner, and I will cook it." This worked out beautifully for both parties, he got a home cooked meal after working 12-14 hour days, and Buh and I got fed. See, D would go grocery shopping and keep the food in her bedroom. I know that Beta did it more so that he knew Buh and I were getting fed, and I couldn't have been more grateful for it. Some nights he would just take us out to dinner to get us away from the drama. Another friend of mine started sending me grocery money, and money to help with my other living expenses, like a cell phone. The Butch has come through for me so many times I can't count, and I can't say where I would have been without her as a safety net.
Anylaid.... About the beginning of March, D started making noises that her uncle was moving into the house, and I was going to have to move out. My father hadn't said anything about it, so I let her talk because I never believed a thing that came out of her mouth. Then he shut the cable off in the beginning of May. This fucked me. I had no phone, no internet, nothing. I could care less about the TV, but the ability to have contact with the outside world --- Just cut --- Just like that. Nothing. I did what I could, and I could have gotten the bill paid, but my dad wouldn't let me. Two weeks later he called me and told me that his wife's brother was buying the house. (This was after I told him I was able to carry the bills and house payment, if he got D and her family out of the house.) I was screwed. I kept a calm head, I continued telling everyone I would figure it out, I would land on my feet, stop stressing... knowing the whole time I was screaming and crying inside. Buh talked to his grandfather one night for a few hours, and in that time... my father informed my son that we were going to be homeless and it was all my fault. "Had your mother gotten a job, I could have let you guys stay in the house." Never let us mind that Buh's dad had proposed a deal with me, him and his two youngest boys would move in, he would pay the bills, and I would take care of the kids and house, and provide the groceries for me and Buh. Sounded solid to me. He would get the master bedroom, I would get the second largest bedroom, and the boys would be in the extra rooms in the basement. That wasn't good enough for him... *I* was to be paying all the bills. So my father vetoed the idea. It was all my fault that we were going to be homeless.
My Buh cried that night. He was angry, he was finally doing well in a school system, he had made friends, he was to be on the football team his freshman year. We had been in a relatively country-esque setting where he could run a little more wild, be a little louder, throw the ball a little further. We had a beautiful three bedroom house with a pool and over an acre of land. It was all being taken away because my father didn't like how the bills would have been paid. Now, had Seymore (Buh's dad) and I decided we were going to get back together, and I was playing stay at home mom for my man and my step kids.... he probably would have been okay with it. But because it was a platonic situation, he decided I needed to stand on my own two feet. He didn't want to look at the fact that I would basically be a live-in nanny, which is a legitimate job.
After informed that my company made them feel uncomfortable, the nights Beta came down, we'd eat and then sit in my bedroom, and play words with friends. (Totally addicting game.) I had days before I had to be out of my dad's house, and not a single clue as to what I was going to do. That house had been my last resort. I didn't want to ask my dad for help in the first place, but I was left with no other option... after that option had expired, I had no clue where I was going to go. So this is what happened... Beta was sitting on the end of my bed, playing poker while waiting for me to play my next word, and he said "What's your plan? Where are you going? You don't have any more time." And immediately my anxiety rose. I told him my patent answer. "I'll figure it out. I'll be okay." And he looked at me and said... "I have an extra bedroom. Buh can sleep in it after I get it cleaned out." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He was offering me an out, a back up plan. I jumped at it, after clarifying that he knew what he was getting into. He was a confirmed bachelor, had never lived with a woman other than his mom. And he was offering to let an Alpha female take over his house... no wait... an OMEGA female. That night I started packing my belongings, and the next night, we took a load over to his apartment. I just started staying there whenever Buh didn't have school, or was with Seymore or Douche Bag. I had clothes and toiletries at Beta's and would go to the house only when I had to. Most of my things were still at the house.
I went back to the house and realized that one of the curtains from my bedroom had gone missing... along with a movie that had belonged to my mom and was given to me when she died, along with other things. I texted my dad and told him basically that if my belongings mysteriously returned to their rightful place, I'd let it go, no harm no foul. Got a load of things that I needed, and went back to Beta's. Four days later, I went back to the house to get the rest of my things, Beta had gotten a box truck from work and we were pretty sure we could get the rest of it in one fell swoop.
I walked into the house, and went into my bedroom. The first thing I noticed was the gaping whole in my bed. Then the absence of my costume jewelry and perfumes, and by God there was a bag of garbage thrown all over my clean clothes that had been folded and stacked on the floor. There were boxes of my things dumped, and items broken. Now, I am not typically a violent person when I am angry. I am not what you could call a "hitter." I tend to sit back and plot. Hurt me and I will destroy your life, not your body. But as I stormed back up the hallway, into the house, I punched the wall. I'm not proud of it. I just want to relate to you how incredibly acerbated I was. I texted my father. I told him what I had found after being gone. He told me that there was no reason for them to act like that, so he didn't know what to tell me... but he laid heavily on the insinuation that I had done this all myself. He said he had asked them about my missing items, and they denied knowledge, so I must have misplaced them. Now while he is basically telling me that she's a perfect angel and I am the devil incarnate, I am digging through the pile of curtains on the couch. I find my curtain. I tell him that for them not knowing where my things were, I was finding them in their shit. And that I didn't understand why he would believe I would take a box cutter to my mattress, and destroy my things just to get her in trouble. I'm a grown ass woman. Not a twenty something teeny bopper with a drug problem! I told him that if he chose to believe her that was fine, he could make his own decisions. But I wouldn't be treated like that anymore. That I was sorry he could believe such bad things about me, obviously I shouldn't be in his life if I was that bad of a person.
His last text to me was "Do whatever you want... don't respond to this text." I told him I was walking out of his life, and he told me don't respond. I didn't.
I moved in with Beta. Over the summer we tried like hell to move back down into the area that my father's house was in. It just wasn't happening. Buh started school in this school district, and is having the same problems he had in the district he was in when he lived with Nan. I cook, I clean, I play 1950's housewife. Beta gets together with his friends on Sundays to watch football, he takes Buh, sometimes I send goodies with them. He does what he can to make sure Buh and I are taken care of, and in return I do what I can to take care of him. We're talking about moving in the spring, to a bigger apartment or a house. He really wants a house. I'm cool with that. He won't let me hang pictures, or even curtains here. A house would be nice to decorate.
I have to give him props... for never living with a woman before, he's done quite well with adjusting. If I have a problem, I just lay it out for him. He listens, and he does what he can to take my feelings into consideration the next time a similar situation comes up. I have an amazing best friend.
So when his mom got sick, I had no issues with taking her to the doctor. Her and I get along famously anyways. We laugh, we joke, we confide in each other. I was on my way to the bank a few days later when he called me and asked me to pick her up from the Dr's office and drive her to the hospital. Her COPD was flared because of a cold. She couldn't breathe. I was on my way to her. I got her to the hospital and sat with her all day. I felt horrible because she was so sick and it wasn't getting better, there was nothing I could do to help her. I hate having my hands tied in a situation like that. After she'd gotten a breathing treatment, and eaten part of her dinner, I finally headed home. I knew I was going back the next day. The first four days she was in the hospital, I went to see her. On the fifth day, I couldn't go. I had caught a cold, and couldn't risk reinfecting her. So I have been suffering from this horrendous head cold that makes me make the most pitiful noises, and been unable to go see how she is faring. Beta said she's doing the same, and that's not exactly good. Last night I made barbeque chicken, au gratin potatoes and green beans, and he took a plate to her so we know she's eating.
There's more... but it's almost 3 am here, and I am a sleepy slut. So I will try to blog the rest soon. I'm not posting this on my page, because D follows me... and I just don't want the drama. I'm over it. I'm above it. I'm better than it. So if you know your friends follow me, but aren't subscribed to the blog, make sure you share me.
I miss you all something terrible.