Saturday, August 10, 2013

Cute Or Creepy?

     Rule number one of wooing: If you have to ask yourself if it would be cute or creepy to do something... Just refrain from doing it. Please.

     Example number one:
            I was recently talking to a friend when feelings were thought be to be deeper then what they were (We will call him William). I typically dont have time for all those shenanigans, but I thought Id give the poor sap a shot (mistake number one). After a few weeks, we found ourselves arguing more then we were getting a long. Typically a big red flag to just call it quits, off rip. So then he turned into the girl of the relationship... Pulling the, "Dont ever talk to me again." and would proceed to text me the next day pouring his heart into a lovely 25 page text message. And I would flat out tell him, I didnt have time for that nonsense. Not to mention those texts wouldnt come in order. Naturally I blew him off, Told him not more, shut the door and locked that bitch. BUT THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS NOT HAVING IT. The sappy text message books turned into hate-books, and then right back to being sappy. Talk about emotional whip lash.

      Weeks of no contact went by and I thought I was in the clear. So Im at work, focusing on the one thing Im passionate about that didnt involve sweaty, naked body's. And Out of the corner of my eye I see a grey shirt swift by with the mother fucking quickness. All I hear is my Co-worker say, "That was so weird.." in her valley girl voice. So I look up and out of the window, and I see this crazy man, William, scuffling away. Look down on the bench, my favorite order from Taco Bell and a burnt cd sat out on the bench.

     No warning... Nothing. A random drop off of food and music. Cute or creepy?

     Example number two: (this one wont be quite the novel)
               Having an easy day at work. Not overly booked, Not completely dead. Smooth sailing, especially when all your co-workers are in good moods. By the time I get out of work its dark, and thank you to the buddy system, I was walking out listening to another girl rant about her, Boyfriend-thats-not-a-boyfriend. I get out out to my car, go to unlock it and LOW AND BEHOLD, There is a bouquet of flowers, a  bag of my favorite chocolate and a very sappy Hallmark card signed, "Miss you." And I flip. Halfway freaking out, half way fucking livid. All I could think: Was it William? Is he in the parking lot? Is this motherfucker watching me? Was it the ex of Christmas past? Was it a complete random? Was it the current flavor of the month?

     First thing out of my friends mouth who was with me, "Your love life is catastrophic." Fuck you, thirsty bitch. Anywho, So I call the one person I lightweight HOPED it could be from and he had no clue where my company is even located. Fuck. fuckfuckfuck. So I narrow it down to two people. I message them both, and I play coy. Very well. William made sure not to respond until he knew I would be fucking asleep (I know how he works and he knows waking me up will piss me off enough to pay him attention. Which didnt work because I knew what he was aiming for). And then The Ex of Christmas Past danced very well around the questions I was asking.

     After a few games of twenty questions. I had the answer I wanted, and One very salty ass William, because it wasnt him.

     Cute or Creepy that an ex that I have only talked to enough, since we broke up, to argue with and call each other names would drop off two of my favorite things, in my car, at my place of working?

   Dont get me wrong, I get a soft spot in my heart when the person Im letting see me naked, at the time, shows a bit a chivalry... But from a random-gone-sour-ex? I dont know.

Obviously I need do more in depth background checks when it comes to introducing men to Narnia. 

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