Thursday, April 26, 2012

My Pithy Advice for a Girl Lost

I am a fan of your FB page and I enjoy it! I need advice about something. Yes, it is about a guy.

I have involved myself with a married guy (I can hear your sigh already). He and I have been going round for 8 months now. We are at the point were I have fallen for him a little. He says his marriage is all but over but staying for his kids blah blah blah. He does admit that the reason why his marriage fell apart is because of his choices. He and I have not slept together but we have kissed a couple times.

Some time ago, I got tired of the back and forth and the bullshit so I asked him to either choose me or not. I just don't want to live in this limbo anymore. As expected, he didn't choose me. I knew this would happen but it doesn't make it hurt any less. So, I sucked it up and I realize I need to move on (even though I don't want too).

I am talking to this nice guy who is great. We are friends. We have slept together a few times but I feel bad about it. I am emotionally unavailable because of the married guy. (The New guy is emotionally unavailable also but for different reasons) The reason why I am emotionally unavailable is because the married guy won't leave me alone. At this point, I think he tells me shit just so I feel bad about dating. You know that saying "he doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone to have me either"?? I think that applies here.

I need some advice on what to do. Oh, the married guy and I were great friends before feelings started and we work together.

Help put me out of my misery lol.. thanks!

- lost in uncertainty.


Yes, I sighed. A deep and heavy laden sigh, that made my shoulders rise and fall. I also shook my head in the way you would expect any mother to do. A married man??? Really?? How did this happen?? It's so cliché that it makes me want to throw rocks at you like you were a boy. 

First thing first... You need to get Married Guy out of your life... STAT. Do whatever you have to do, I suggest changing your phone number, email, blocking him on Facebook, and telling him to go home to his wife until he's got divorce papers the ink is drying on. If he doesn't respect that... it shows how much you really mean to him. If he continues to try to fuck with you, I would suggest (and this is coming from a previously scorned wife who has a habit of being a little vindictive) threatening to tell his wife about his extra-curricular activities. I mean, if he doesn't give a shit about you, and your feelings, why care if it destroys his life?? It's not like she doesn't have the right to know... Wouldn't you want to know if you were the wife?? 

If Married Guy is making you feel bad about dating, and moving on, it shows what a SUPREME DOUCHEBAG he is. Do you really want to continue involvement with someone who obviously doesn't want to see you happy, even tho he doesn't want to be the one to make you happy?? Look at the situation for what it is, and getting over him may come a lot easier. He's a manipulator, and a cheater. Which means... He has no respect for any one. He doesn't understand loyalty or trust in a way that's applicable to him. No one wants that in a partner. Even fuck buddies have a level of loyalty and trust. You are not going to change him... He is who he is. Common mistake for women, we think we can change them... we can't. SOMETIMES we can modify their behavior but never can we change who they are. 

Secondly... This thing with New Guy... why feel bad about having fun? If it's understood that it's not going to go beyond what it is now, for whatever reasons, why sweat it? Just make sure you keep being honest with each other, and agree that if things change, and you start to feel more or less than you do now, that you will discuss it like grown ups. So.many.people. forget that they are grown ups. That's when the problems start. 

As long as you are attracted to New Guy, and he's NOT ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP, there's not one thing wrong with you dating him. Have fun, rock it out loud. And if you still feel guilty.. Which I don't see how you could now that I have told you what a loser Married Guy is, then take some time off dating. There's nothing wrong with taking a mourning period after something doesn't work the way you wanted it to. 

I hope I helped... this is what I would tell any one of my real life friends, sans the slap on the back of the head.

The Slut

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