Monday, April 23, 2012

The Best Friend Law. v2.5 (The updated version)

BFL #1. Make your best read these laws, and abide by them. (Or whichever ones you want to enforce, I'm pretty easy.)

BFL #2. You must bring me a frosty at least once a year. The size of said frosty is left to your discretion. This can, and let's be real... you're an ass so most likely will, be the smallest frosty available.

BFL #3. If either party hosts a get together and invites the other party, they must make an appearance. The only excuses to dodge said invites are as follows... sex, work, school, sleep, sex, family obligations (in which said family can't just tag along.) OH! -and sex.

BFL #4. If you have a hot single guy friend, who isn't a fucking girl, and won't fall in love, you *MUST* share him with me. You know me well enough to know what I would be attracted too, and you know sense of humor and personality are important. And no bullshit where I have to yell at you about something weird he pulled. (This law is specific to Slut/Ass friendom. But feel free to steal this law and use it for yourself.)

  • v 2.5 I do not have to share any hot female friends I have, until I have already decided if I want to keep them for myself. 
  • I also do not have to share them if they are close enough friends to me, that it would be uber awkward to let you date them. 
  • If either party has slept with a specific girl, she is off limits to the other party, unless previously agreed that she is fair game. (Kinda like a brocode, only for Sluts... Not that this should be a problem, but you never know.)
BFL #5. If I need help, and you have the ability to help me, but you don't... you have to wear a bucket on your head, denounce your bucket mastery and sing "There's a Hole in the Bucket" three times with a bucket on your head.

BFL #6. Every year on my approximate birthday, you must do something completely crazy and funny. For example, put on a Superman cape and all day and every hour on the hour stop what you are doing and say "I have an amazingface Slut in my life... today is her day." I would prefer this spectacle to happen while I am available to watch, but if you aren't able to be physically with me... Pictures and/or video is acceptable.

BFL #7. Any and all secrets shared are to be kept secrets. This doesn't include well known secrets.. like that I am fucking boss. Or that you are awesome (Yeah, I admitted it... On my blog no less... but we need to be honest here... *I* am what makes you so awesome!! lol) This DOES include my birthday, which you have hopefully forgotten the exact date already.

BFL #8. Demands for musics should always be handled in a timely fashion. (This goes either way... If you decide you need musics too.)

BFL #9. If we are ever out together, and Creepy McCreeper is creeping around... I am fully allowed to hide behind you. And vice versa, if Skankalicious St. Dirty is chasing you around, you have every right to stand too close to me... as long as it doesn't fuck up my flow with any mark I am working on.

BFL #10. I am allowed to ask any stupid question I like, and you are not allowed to say it's stupid. You can look at me stupid, you can laugh (if you aren't verbally speaking to me) and you can roll your eyes, but you can't say it's a stupid question. It will hurt my feelbad, and possibly make me cry.

BFL #11. If at any point you make me cry, I am entitled to an apology and vegetation, or a hug and a frosty. (This frosty is extra to the one a year.)

BFL #12. If you recognize the signs, you are allowed to ignore me during shark week... But if you call it wrong, and you thought it was shark week, and it wasn't.... You will owe me something. I'm not sure what yet, but a frosty is getting kinda old... so this will be decided at a later date. lol (I know I get crazy, but mostly I just get whiny... and I know I know, it gets irritating.)

BFL #13. Someday I will tell you the "Jesus story." When I do, you are allowed to laugh... but you are not allowed to hold it over my head for the rest of eternity. And if you can't promise that, you will never know the hilarity of the "Jesus story."

BFL #14. If I say you have to sleep, you have to sleep. If I say do your homework, you should do your homework. If I am taking classes and I say do my homework, you have to do my homework. I'll show you my boobs. We both know that's not a big deal to me, so I can still use it to try to get my way. lol If I say you need to eat, you know I mean a home cooked meal, and not going to dinner. This is not going to stop. So, just DO.WHAT.YOU.ARE.TOLD.

BFL #15. If you see me slippin, you are obligated to call me on it. This includes throwing rocks at me. I will cry, and then you will have to refer to BFL #11. But I will stop slippin.

BFL #16. If I ever do anything that pisses you off... you aren't allowed to bitch to other people, you are not allowed to just brood over it either. You are OBLIGATED to message/call/come over and fight it out with me. I know you think you have a temper, but I'm not scared. Besides, in my book... it's not a real friendship until you've had some ups and downs.

BFL #17. I gave you the opportunity to write a few laws yourself... and this is what you said... so I am putting it in here... "i got no rules for you lol. loyalty and trust is all i look for in a friendship" To which I replied "Those are understood DUH." (Do you have any idea how hard that was to not fix that??? I just copied and pasted and it's killing me that you didn't capitalize anything.... maybe that should be a law??)

BFL #18. You can't get mad at me for correcting your spelling and grammar. I can get mad at you for messing it up tho. 

BFL #19. No beating on inanimate objects. You can tell yourself it was full of kryptonite, you can tell the world it was full of kryptonite... but we both know you were just throwing a tizzy. So... BFL law says that from now on, if you aren't going to punch dude in the face, you have to hit something with a little give in it. No walls, trees, street signs, ball returns, cars, trains, mirrors, windows, televisions, or anything else I haven't listed but you know I wouldn't be cool with you hitting. So, until you get a heavy bag, you are stuck punching pillows, and people. Sorry. lmfao

BFL #20. Surprise friend requests are illegal from now on. I am pretty sure you know what I mean, but if not... I can and will expand on this subject.


fine print. I love fine print so much. I can write a lot in a little space and you probably can't read it and that means I can say anything I want. Like, I am glad you are my friend. Like, you know you should get me a frosty, just because it would make me happy and why wouldn't you want to make me happy? I mean seriously... everyone should want to make me happy, except those asshats who don't like me... and really is there any call for that?? No. I don't think so. I really hope you can't read this, and it's making you nervous, that would be fucking EPIC. I would giggle insanely. My luck tho, you'll be able to read it, or copy and paste it somewhere so it's big enough to read... And that's just not as funny to me. But the purpose of this fine print, aside from hopefully making you nervous, is to say Best Friend Law #21 is be open and honest. The honest part is pretty easy for you... It's scary for me. The open part seems to be a little harder for you, and is like breathing for me. But really, just do it. Or I will cry... and then you will have to bring me white calla lilies... or an orchid. I really want an orchid. But that only applies to this law. Now, stop grinning, and message me... I got things to tell you.

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