This isn't going to be my normal thing. This one is not only going to be a bit more real, it's going to be a bit more honest, a bit more heartfelt, a bit scarier for me. You will see a side of me you may not have seen, may not even know exists. We all know I have a son. Buh is, for the most part, amazingface as they come. He's 15 now, he's 6 feet of lean muscle, he's blonde and blue eyed and funny and witty and a dick. And he's that dick that has game oozing from him, it comes natural. He's charismatic and likable. What more could I want in a son?? When he was young, I would tell Douchebag that I wanted him to know the game, he was going to be more pimp than any guy or girl I had ever known. I think I have succeeded in that. He's seen me, his dad, Douchebag, his uncles, all pull cons and run game like we breathe. Yeah, hate me for teaching him to be street smart I don't give a fuck. I never wanted him to let a bitch pull some shady shit on him. It happened anyways. He was destroyed. But in true playa fashion, he turned it, he used it, and he played the "I've been through hell with other girls, so I can't let you love me" game. I was impressed.
This did backfire on me. He runs cons and uses his looks and game on everyone. Very few don't fall for his charms. He started in school... first grade. He was obviously bored with school. He would read Harry Potter books, and work algebra problems between his regular homework. This is the 'treat' I would have to give him to get him to do his shit. Eventually, that lost it's shine. And he gave up. He stopped paying attention, he stopped caring, he knew he could give a wicked smile and gaze with those soulful blue eyes and every.single.teacher would let him slide. The female teachers would fall like dominoes faster than you could say "We'll let him slide with a D average" Male teachers saw in him the son they always dreamed of and would pat him on the head and tell him to "try harder next time." His dad moved 500 miles away when his marriage fell apart, and Buh took it hard. Started doing worse in school. I didn't think it was possible... but it happened.
Not to brag anymore than I already have.. but I will say that if Douchebag taught him anything, it was football. Before he was ten years old he could throw a perfect spiral for 50 yards without even trying. He could put it in your hands while he was running through the back field at a glance. HERE IT IS! We thought we'd found the way to bring him back to life. He was fire when he had that ball in his hands. He was going to be starting QB for the Eagles. That was what he wanted, so badly he could taste it. He was training himself. Push ups every lap, pull ups on every door frame he could grip. We lived on an acre of land and he would jog then sprint then walk then sprint then walk in laps for an hour.
We told him, in order to have an NFL career, you have to get through High School. Scouts start watching you in High School if you are good enough. He nodded. He understood. He kept it up. He lit up about football. Sundays in our home was screaming at the TV, yelling about this play or that. I got into it as much as I could... but let's be real... football isn't my religion. It was theirs. Douchebag would beam with pride when dinner was brought to them in front of the TV and Buh would smile thank me then tell me to move. They would talk about how he preferred this team but would take that team or the other team. One Sunday, after report cards, they were talking about it and I mentioned that if he didn't bring his grades up, he wouldn't be able to get on the school teams. And DONE.
He no longer cared about football. If he had to use his brain at all he wasn't interested. Which PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF. He's so smart. He's scary sometimes. But if he had to put effort into his studies, he didn't care at all. Over the years, I have tried grounding him, I have tried bribing him, I have tried every trick in the book. Nothing works. NOTHING.
When Douchebag left, he got worse. He failed the 7th grade. And in his repeating it, almost failed again. He's well on his way to failing the 8th grade. I have even changed the schools he attends thinking that would help. I let him move in with my best friend, because her son (his best friend) went to a school that he wanted to go to... Instead of making him return to the school he started out in. It hasn't even remotely helped. He's gotten into more trouble in this school than he did in his old school.
I am at my wit's end. I have asked friends what they suggest, they all say to do things that I've already tried. I've asked my dad to step in and help, it does nothing. I have gone so far as to ask different guy friends to give him the "come to Jesus" talk in the back yard (only half jokingly lol.) Buh has no fear, and sadly his respect is slipping too. The rate he is going, he is going to be no better than I. A high school drop out with no future. I haven't given up, I won't give up... he's my everything. But I feel like I am at a stalemate with this.
He said to me last night "Why bother even trying when I am just going to fail anyways. If I set out to fail, and I do, I have succeeded in something." He says he doesn't understand the things they are trying to teach him, but I know he is lying. I know it's just that he doesn't want to. He doesn't care. I don't know how to make him care.
No one wants to see their child fail. But I don't know how to push him to want to do better. Thanks for listening. I just needed to get it out. Hopefully I can shake this funk and we can get back to our regularly scheduled programs.