Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Not my normal blog

This isn't going to be my normal thing. This one is not only going to be a bit more real, it's going to be a bit more honest, a bit more heartfelt, a bit scarier for me. You will see a side of me you may not have seen, may not even know exists. We all know I have a son. Buh is, for the most part, amazingface as they come. He's 15 now, he's 6 feet of lean muscle, he's blonde and blue eyed and funny and witty and a dick. And he's that dick that has game oozing from him, it comes natural. He's charismatic and likable. What more could I want in a son?? When he was young, I would tell Douchebag that I wanted him to know the game, he was going to be more pimp than any guy or girl I had ever known. I think I have succeeded in that. He's seen me, his dad, Douchebag, his uncles, all pull cons and run game like we breathe. Yeah, hate me for teaching him to be street smart I don't give a fuck. I never wanted him to let a bitch pull some shady shit on him. It happened anyways. He was destroyed. But in true playa fashion, he turned it, he used it, and he played the "I've been through hell with other girls, so I can't let you love me" game. I was impressed.

This did backfire on me. He runs cons and uses his looks and game on everyone. Very few don't fall for his charms. He started in school... first grade. He was obviously bored with school. He would read Harry Potter books, and work algebra problems between his regular homework. This is the 'treat' I would have to give him to get him to do his shit. Eventually, that lost it's shine. And he gave up. He stopped paying attention, he stopped caring, he knew he could give a wicked smile and gaze with those soulful blue eyes and every.single.teacher would let him slide. The female teachers would fall like dominoes faster than you could say "We'll let him slide with a D average" Male teachers saw in him the son they always dreamed of and would pat him on the head and tell him to "try harder next time." His dad moved 500 miles away when his marriage fell apart, and Buh took it hard. Started doing worse in school. I didn't think it was possible... but it happened.

Not to brag anymore than I already have.. but I will say that if Douchebag taught him anything, it was football. Before he was ten years old he could throw a perfect spiral for 50 yards without even trying. He could put it in your hands while he was running through the back field at a glance. HERE IT IS! We thought we'd found the way to bring him back to life. He was fire when he had that ball in his hands. He was going to be starting QB for the Eagles. That was what he wanted, so badly he could taste it. He was training himself. Push ups every lap, pull ups on every door frame he could grip. We lived on an acre of land and he would jog then sprint then walk then sprint then walk in laps for an hour.

We told him, in order to have an NFL career, you have to get through High School. Scouts start watching you in High School if you are good enough. He nodded. He understood. He kept it up. He lit up about football. Sundays in our home was screaming at the TV, yelling about this play or that. I got into it as much as I could... but let's be real... football isn't my religion. It was theirs. Douchebag would beam with pride when dinner was brought to them in front of the TV and Buh would smile thank me then tell me to move. They would talk about how he preferred this team but would take that team or the other team. One Sunday, after report cards, they were talking about it and I mentioned that if he didn't bring his grades up, he wouldn't be able to get on the school teams. And DONE.

He no longer cared about football. If he had to use his brain at all he wasn't interested. Which PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF. He's so smart. He's scary sometimes. But if he had to put effort into his studies, he didn't care at all. Over the years, I have tried grounding him, I have tried bribing him, I have tried every trick in the book. Nothing works. NOTHING.

When Douchebag left, he got worse. He failed the 7th grade. And in his repeating it, almost failed again. He's well on his way to failing the 8th grade. I have even changed the schools he attends thinking that would help. I let him move in with my best friend, because her son (his best friend) went to a school that he wanted to go to... Instead of making him return to the school he started out in. It hasn't even remotely helped. He's gotten into more trouble in this school than he did in his old school.

I am at my wit's end. I have asked friends what they suggest, they all say to do things that I've already tried. I've asked my dad to step in and help, it does nothing. I have gone so far as to ask different guy friends to give him the "come to Jesus" talk in the back yard (only half jokingly lol.) Buh has no fear, and sadly his respect is slipping too. The rate he is going, he is going to be no better than I. A high school drop out with no future. I haven't given up, I won't give up... he's my everything. But I feel like I am at a stalemate with this.

He said to me last night "Why bother even trying when I am just going to fail anyways. If I set out to fail, and I do, I have succeeded in something." He says he doesn't understand the things they are trying to teach him, but I know he is lying. I know it's just that he doesn't want to. He doesn't care. I don't know how to make him care.

No one wants to see their child fail. But I don't know how to push him to want to do better. Thanks for listening. I just needed to get it out. Hopefully I can shake this funk and we can get back to our regularly scheduled programs.



  1. Keep trying keep pushing. He will come around. I have a 15 and 19 year old son and their dad never cared I know it is tough. You sound strong. Just keep being Mom. Good luck.

  2. Let it out. my mama tried her best but i fucked up. I learned with age though, that everything she instilled in me when i was young, everything that I forgot between the ages of 14 and 21, had molded and made my mind soul and heart, not determined my actions. My actions were my choice and no matter what I was gonna do what I wanted, no help for me. But everything my mama taught me, helped me get myself out of situations i found myself. They are also the reason for my actions today and my view and thoughts about the world and I wouldnt be a fraction of the man today if it wasnt for mama. But I am the type of person that is gonna do what i think is best, no matter who told me what. I see now mama was giving me the knowledge. I thank my mama for it all and have told her so many times over the years how great of a job she did, and not to take my mistakes to heart because shes the only reason I could recover from them. Us guys are dumb period, the younger the dumber, even to the point of not listening to mamas wisdom until we are old enough to be able to see her point. Keep the faith and dont stop doing what your doing. - Charles Fontna

  3. Have you ever considered that he may learn differently than "normal"? My so was hella smart, but he refused to do daily work and homework. The only thing ever saved his ass was that he would walk in and take a test and ace it. His reading level was 2nd yr college in 3rd grade but the way that he processed information was different. We ended up having him tested for learning disabilities because there was such a HUGE difference between what we saw in him and how he performed. There are kids that cant look at the black board and write it down on paper. It looses something between the 2. It is a learning disability.

  4. Sorry I think my post cut off. Anyway just because a person needs to use a different technique to learn doesnt make it a bad thing. Maybe this is going on with your son. Maybe he is working his game because he feels like he needs to. Kids do strange things for stranger reasons and never feel the need to talk to us about it. But it bears consideration. Could be be covering something that he feels embarrassed about? Could he be bored? There are so many possibilities. I wish you lots of luck! Parenting teens is a rough business even if you have an entire village to help you!!

  5. SSS - I used to be in kinda this situation (don't know if I'm the stud yr. boy is, but had a single mom and spent a fair amount of time reading novels in class because I'd already figured out the work). When you want to fit in, sticking out as the brainiac can be kinda embarrassing.

    But ask your boy if we wants to be kicking back and giving orders in life, or having some dumb-ass schmuck telling him what to do? Does he want to be chilling on the yacht, or pulling late hours on TPS reports?

    As James Brown said, you have to 'pay the cost to be the boss.' And that means going out there and fucking up first, before someone else does, so when they ask you for advice, you've already learned the lesson. You have to stick your neck out, and you have to fail repeatedly, so you can tell other people how not to fail. What's the biggest complaint about Tim Tebow? He spends more time thanking God instead of figuring out what he did wrong so he can actually complete his passes.

    Being a teenager sucks, but if you want to be a man you have to keep trying till you get it right. Then it's sweet. And being a single mom is even tougher, so hang in there. 3 more years and he's on his own :-)


  6. well slut reading about your son made me think back to my childhood, teenage years i was about the same way didn't want to apply myself in class or make the grade my parents knew i could. my mom and dad were 1300 miles apart and had really no male figures in my life to look to for support or encouragement so i failed 7th grade and by the time i was in the eight grade i had made some real bad choices where my mom was faced with letting me go to juvenile detention or sending me to live with my dad, it wasn't an easy choice for her (i know now looking back) seeing as my dad was abusive but she wanted me to change for the better which could not happen in a 6' x 6' cage. so what worked for me was that in high school i had one teacher who actually cared enough about his students to sit down and talk with them when he saw them not working at their potential, little did i know that he was also the head foot ball coach for the high school i went to. having a male figure there to talk to and make proud of your achievements makes a difference doesn't have to be a father, mom's boyfriend or even a relative it could just be someone that knows what is going on with you cause they themselves have been down that path and knows where it leads. but every child is different some need other encouragement and more challenging environment to learn hope this helps a little.

  7. Tell him if he has tried and failed it's a reason to try again and work harder. Nothing ever comes easy and you can't give up no matter what. I don't know that it will help, but one day everything you are trying to teach him will sink in.

  8. Have you seen the email that's been getting around saying that Bill Gates only got to year 10? There are others that highlight heaps of successful people who were drop-outs.

    I am not to sure how much reality is in these emails but I do know that success in life, in business, and in finances is more about attitude than aptitude.

    My boys are not interested in school. They don't want to leave because they know that life outside is scary and full of unknowns & responsibility.

    I am hopeful that I can help them find something they are passionate about - something they can do that will bring them independance - their own business that they can and will drive.

    At 14 and nearly 17 I don't think I can instil a desire to succeed at school. I think the education system and the teachers let them down some years back. I try not to denegrate them for their efforts. I try to encourage them to start looking beyond school at what they might like to do, and I talk to them about what different jobs might mean to them - you know - if you're a plumber working in shit you have the ability to build a business and make good money and a future and get out of the shit. If you are an uneducated labourer you will find you work hard for your entire life.

    I am lucky - if you can call it that. I was fairly successful, then lost the lot. Now i am on the road back and have done a lot of labouring, now kick started a business that involves some very hard work. So my boys work with me - fencing in 40deg heat (Celcius), building, operating machinery, etc. And i talk to them about the opportunities - if it's your business / and the pitfalls of not having a good education or will to succeed.

    I have rambled enough, and i know this may not apply to your situation. I don't even know the outcome yet - but it's my strategy for dealing with a similar issue to yours.

    Good luck and don't give up - he will thank you in years to come.

    Love your work too btw

  9. Tell him if can pass the GED he can stop with school. It'll give him a goal. Also, tell him Game works better when your educated, not just smart.