Shit you should know about your girl.

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count. I might not hold it against you, but you won't get points for it. I mean, right then... Of course you love me... Shit...*I* love me when I am touchin it too!! You will get points if instead of saying you love me, you say you love being inside me, fucking me, the way I move/moan/buck/scream or any other little nasty thing I do that drives you crazy. The only time this is acceptable is after we've been a couple for quite some time, and those words are a part of our couples' vocabulary.

2. Real men can drive standard. They also don't get shitty about me knowing or not knowing how to drive one. If I don't know, a real man isn't a douche about teaching me either... IF I want to learn, but I probably won't, because it's sexy as fuck to watch you shift like you were born to be a racecar driver.

3. I will leave if you lie. It's like your mama told you growing up, you'd have gotten into less trouble if you woulda just been honest from jump... We might be able to work through something if it's just some dumb shit. But I have had too many bustas in my past treat me like I am a bubble head bimbo, like I am too stupid to catch the truth when it's standing in front of me. Because trust... I *CAN* tell when your ass is hiding something.

4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts) and a plain white T and jeans. You are also adorable when you first wake up and you are shuffling around in a beater and big basketball shorts. Just makes us want to toss you back in bed and rumple the sheets... even if we just made the bed.

5.  I love it when you come up from behind and put your arms around me. This goes double if you say something sweet to me, moan or sigh against my neck. The points for this action skyrocket if I am cooking your dinner, or washing the dishes. It's a little tiny thing that shows me you appreciate that I am there, doing what needs to be done.

6.  Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you. Yes, sometimes it's Ryan Reynolds or Bradly Cooper... But 90% of the time, it's me and you, somewhere else... doing something new and different. Or reliving my favorite night of unbridled passion. Maybe it was our first time, or our last time, or that one time you did every little thing I asked you to... Or that one night that you snuck in and you took it.. the way I like.

7. I have more respect for you if you can tell me that you don't like my outfit in a way that still makes me feel good about myself. Yes, this top might make my complection look sallow and horrible, but instead of saying "OH GOD! You look horrible!!" if you say; "You have such a nice rack, and this shirt just doesn't do them justice." I am more likely to blush and go change into a more fitting top than throw a lamp at your head.

8. It makes me want you more whenever I get a text/ email/ phone call/ message from you. It means you were thinking about me. This is bonus points galore. I want you to think about me all hours of any day. To know you are thinking about me, when I am thinking about you.... serious turn on.

9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her. Not that there is anything wrong with my mother, I just don't want to make her mistakes to be as amazing as she is. I just want to be as amazing as she is. I know I will make my own mistakes.

10. I'm scared of losing my independence. I want to be with you, not belong to you. I want you to be a part of my life, not my whole life. I have the same fears you do when it comes to this. I still want to go shopping with my female friends. I want to know that if you leave, I will survive.

11.  I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be. That time you mumbled under your breath because we had to go to dinner with my parents, instead of you doing poker night with your boys?? Yeah. I shut up. I let that slide, but it hurt me that you didn't want to get to know my folks better. The mountain of dirty socks beside the bed? Yeah, I asked you nine hundred and six times to pick them up because I am just as tired as you are after work. But I let it go.... like I let soo much of your dumb shit go.

12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants. Headbanging in your car does NOT make you a rock star. Jus' Sayin'.

13. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Shopping sprees, lunch with my mother, and body rubs- that DON'T end with you grunting and sweating- also work.

14. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.) Add to it an apology and the heartfelt sentiment that you will never do it again, and I will forgive you, because of #11.

15. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast. If I so please, I might cook it... but it's cuter to watch you do it. So make sure you have what you need for a nice breakfast, this is not a bowl of Captain Crunch and four day out of date milk. And for a back up, you should have enough money to take me out to breakfast if that's what I choose.