Friday, January 6, 2012

Shit you should know about your girl.

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count. I might not hold it against you, but you won't get points for it. I mean, right then... Of course you love me... Shit...*I* love me when I am touchin it too!! You will get points if instead of saying you love me, you say you love being inside me, fucking me, the way I move/moan/buck/scream or any other little nasty thing I do that drives you crazy. The only time this is acceptable is after we've been a couple for quite some time, and those words are a part of our couples' vocabulary.

2. Real men can drive standard. They also don't get shitty about me knowing or not knowing how to drive one. If I don't know, a real man isn't a douche about teaching me either... IF I want to learn, but I probably won't, because it's sexy as fuck to watch you shift like you were born to be a racecar driver.

3. I will leave if you lie. It's like your mama told you growing up, you'd have gotten into less trouble if you woulda just been honest from jump... We might be able to work through something if it's just some dumb shit. But I have had too many bustas in my past treat me like I am a bubble head bimbo, like I am too stupid to catch the truth when it's standing in front of me. Because trust... I *CAN* tell when your ass is hiding something.

4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts) and a plain white T and jeans. You are also adorable when you first wake up and you are shuffling around in a beater and big basketball shorts. Just makes us want to toss you back in bed and rumple the sheets... even if we just made the bed.

5.  I love it when you come up from behind and put your arms around me. This goes double if you say something sweet to me, moan or sigh against my neck. The points for this action skyrocket if I am cooking your dinner, or washing the dishes. It's a little tiny thing that shows me you appreciate that I am there, doing what needs to be done.

6.  Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you. Yes, sometimes it's Ryan Reynolds or Bradly Cooper... But 90% of the time, it's me and you, somewhere else... doing something new and different. Or reliving my favorite night of unbridled passion. Maybe it was our first time, or our last time, or that one time you did every little thing I asked you to... Or that one night that you snuck in and you took it.. the way I like.

7. I have more respect for you if you can tell me that you don't like my outfit in a way that still makes me feel good about myself. Yes, this top might make my complection look sallow and horrible, but instead of saying "OH GOD! You look horrible!!" if you say; "You have such a nice rack, and this shirt just doesn't do them justice." I am more likely to blush and go change into a more fitting top than throw a lamp at your head.

8. It makes me want you more whenever I get a text/ email/ phone call/ message from you. It means you were thinking about me. This is bonus points galore. I want you to think about me all hours of any day. To know you are thinking about me, when I am thinking about you.... serious turn on.

9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her. Not that there is anything wrong with my mother, I just don't want to make her mistakes to be as amazing as she is. I just want to be as amazing as she is. I know I will make my own mistakes.

10. I'm scared of losing my independence. I want to be with you, not belong to you. I want you to be a part of my life, not my whole life. I have the same fears you do when it comes to this. I still want to go shopping with my female friends. I want to know that if you leave, I will survive.

11.  I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be. That time you mumbled under your breath because we had to go to dinner with my parents, instead of you doing poker night with your boys?? Yeah. I shut up. I let that slide, but it hurt me that you didn't want to get to know my folks better. The mountain of dirty socks beside the bed? Yeah, I asked you nine hundred and six times to pick them up because I am just as tired as you are after work. But I let it go.... like I let soo much of your dumb shit go.

12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants. Headbanging in your car does NOT make you a rock star. Jus' Sayin'.

13. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Shopping sprees, lunch with my mother, and body rubs- that DON'T end with you grunting and sweating- also work.

14. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.) Add to it an apology and the heartfelt sentiment that you will never do it again, and I will forgive you, because of #11.

15. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast. If I so please, I might cook it... but it's cuter to watch you do it. So make sure you have what you need for a nice breakfast, this is not a bowl of Captain Crunch and four day out of date milk. And for a back up, you should have enough money to take me out to breakfast if that's what I choose.


  1. Is this not common sense?? The best way to a girls heart is to know what makes her go "omg, omg, omg, omg, omg, omg...etc, etc".... all this is very familiar to me, yet, I'm divorced. All of this does not work if she is a complete and total negative, fake, self-centered bitch. Trust me. If your girl does not react to anything our fav Slut is telling us here, you need to ditch the bitch.


  2. awesome!! XD
    definitive proof that us chicks aren't all that hard to please. xoxo

  3. Love it! Most of these I dont have to worry about bc my love is a chick and knows/says/does all that, but there are a few ways (3, 4, and 10) she is so much like a man that I shall have to show her this lol. So thanks for this!

  4. hehehe this is just what i need.a manual on how to please a woman and NOT get a frying pan upside my head lol

  5. Of course women aren't that hard to please ... Most of us live with and love men.

  6. Awesome... You've just described my it.. He loves to see me in his shorts n tshirt he says its a turn on.. Lucky me

  7. Love this! 3,5,6,8,13.. Ooo, yes! 13!!

  8. Uh um, okay where to start on this one. At first I was under the possible illusion that you might be a guy, was proponent to this but not willing. After reading this post of Sorid Stories of a Slick Silly Slut, which is the first one I have taken the liberty to induldge my highly evolutionizd male brain cells. I have come to the undeniable conclusion that you truly are of that highly erratic, roller coaster emotion infested, carbon based species called the Female that has the propensity to over complicate and analyze all situation in life. Saying that I live by " Women are from Venus, men are right. " So on that note, like I said I don't even know you and I still love you. Figured I would through that last part in there so you would dream sweet nothings about me, and yes I am as sexy as you think I am.

  9. You sound like the perfect woman!

  10. i'd ask you for your number slut but umm...i might bite off more than my 21 year old ass can chew and TRUST ME i like biting

  11. Thank God I finally found a man that will do all of that and more! Now that I have him I will NEVER let him go! He was a rare find!

  12. Cute and quite entertaining (educating.... I'll give you that!) However, is this not common sense? That which comes naturally as you go... Flow, if you will?!

  13. Great Blog! I completely agree with laying all your cards on the table. A mistake that is made often is when a person get upset over an action or an inaction by their significant other and it grows and festers because the hurt person assumes that their partner should "know" how they feel. I applaud not making the other person guess. It's not fair to get mad at someone for not reading your mind. It is fair to get mad at someone if the know the score and just ignore your expectations and desires. Goes both ways of course.
    Excellent blog!

  14. this is awesome! Love this post.
    I'll jump on any man, again, if he puts on a raglan shit in the morning. yummmm

  15. Oh Slut, My Slut. Once again, you've nailed it (pardon the pun).
    I'll be showing this to "Concrete" later... Although right now he's not needing any tips... But reinforcement never hurts.
    And hell, he's got #5 down to an art form. I'm *almost* dissappointed when dishes are done. And yes, I said dishes. As in i'm doing his dishes. Does this mean i've been domesticated? Tamed? How the fuck did that happen?

    P.S. Call me! We need to discuss the current state of affairs... Both of ours.

    P.P.S. Trevor: it would behoove your 21 year old ass to pay attention to the Slut. You'll learn a lot and save yourself greif down the road. Jus saying.

  16. I love you. Yes I'm a woman. I'm sharing your blog on my page. "Deal with it".

  17. You read my mind. I have a married friend who is coming up on his 14th wedding anniversary and asked me (his single friend) what is sexy, and if he's still sexy to his wife. You NAILED everything I told him. Glad to know that someone else is on my wavelength!

  18. You have posted what should be rules to live by. Real thinking people are hard to come by in our twisted society but you are a breath of fresh air.
    Thank you for being.

  19. I've known about this blog for all of 5 minutes and already I'm convinced it will be an addiction.