Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Application for a Piece of Ass

Full name ________________________________________________________________
                             Last                                                 Middle                                 First

Address _______________________ Years at address _____ Date of Birth _ _ /_ _ /_ _ _ _  

Hair/eye color _______________ Ht ______ Wt_____ Length ______ Circumference______

How much weight can you bench? ________________ How many reps is that? ____________

How long can you stay up at night?
__ evening sitcoms           __ the late show           __all night             __until I'm satisfied

Do you perform oral sex?     __yes      ___no

If yes, what level of competitor are you?
____ "That's a clitoris?"                               ____ "I've done it a time or two."

____ "Never had any complaints"                ____ "I can make a lesbian cum."

___ "Hold on, I can't see through your belly button to answer this question, flip over and I can put this on your back and finish this application."

How many people have you been with? ______

Give three references to your abilities and prowess. (Current phone numbers, and recent pictures also)

1.) ___________________________________________________________________________ _____

2.) ___________________________________________________________________________ _____

3.) ___________________________________________________________________________ _____

Please use last line to check mark those who have bisexual tendencies.

Have you ever had group sex (more than 3 people.) If yes, indicate how many were involved in said group, and how long ago it was. ___ no   ____ yes _______________ people involved.

Do you have issues with having sex in public? ___ no  ___ yes!

What is the kinkiest thing you would ever consider doing? In complete detail...






How do you feel about toys?

___ Matchbox cars have no place in the bedroom.   ___ Are we using them on YOU or ME??

___ I am too much man for you to need a toy.       ____ I own stock in 3 distributors, what you want?

Where are you in your romantic life?

___ Don't you think that's a bit personal for a piece of ass?  ___ Meh, I'm doing me, til I ain't no more.

___ Not lookin, but if it happens it happens. ____ I have a house in the 'burbs & china pattern picked

When you cum do you (check all that apply)

____ scream     ____ cry    ____thrash    ____ hit    _____ scratch   _____ moan    ____ bark

____ go hard    ____ kick  ____ wiggle   ____ convulse  _____ twist   ____ jerk    _____ vomit

While fucking do you (check all that apply)

____ burp/fart  ____ go to sleep  _____ just lay there   ______ faint   _____whistle ______ scratch

____ talk dirty  ____ get bossy   _____ smack   _____ bite  _____ moan _____ go deep

What are your top two fave positions?

1.  ___________________________ 2.  ___________________________

If this application is reviewed favorably, what hours are you available? Please circle what days those hours are applicable on. ______________________________________________

Monday      Tuesday        Wednesday         Thursday            Friday          Saturday            Sunday

Current phone number and email address and facebook. ____________________________



Don't call me, I will call you. I may be intoxicated, but if I call you get one chance, if you aren't ready, you will be bypassed for the next qualified applicant. Thank you for your time. By signing this application you agree that all answers are truth, under punishment of blue balls that will make you want to vomit.

_________________________________________________       ______________________
Applicant Signature                                                                                                                                                   Date


  1. Absolutely epic! I dig the indepth questions. To bad we don't live in the same neighbour hood, cause I would be honored to be on call, for the phenomenal Silly Slut! ;)
    P.S, on the line where you ask when you cum (Check all that apply), you forgot one that applies to me......*Growls* Sweet nightmares Silly Slut! ;)

  2. if this ever gets sent to me i will fill it out and return lmfao

  3. Full Name- John Francis Michael Dziduch
    Address- Beltsville, Md 20705. I have lived here for eigt years and two months
    I was born on 9/9/54.
    I have a full head of shoulder length dark brown hair, and brown eyes.
    I am 5'6" 155lbs.
    My measurements are: Neck-16", Chest-41", Biceps-13",Waste-30", Penis-10" erect. Inseam-29"
    The last time I benched free weights I was benching 8 to 10 reps of 115lbs.
    I can stay up all night; go to sleep around dawn and get up in the early afternoon.
    I'm am strictly hetero-sexual. I will stick my tongue in any hole that you have, suck your tits till you come. I also love to suck fingers and toes and get immense pleasure from licking a womans armpits (This is my idea of "oral sex".)
    I have lost count of the number of women I have "been" with. .
    I cannot give you references. Southern gentlemen like myself do not "Kiss and Tell".
    I never had group sex.
    I love to have sex in public as long as it is somewhere that cannot be observed by the public... I love fucking in a warm river or the ocean, in a deserted meadow on a sunny moutain top... beneath the stars in the middle of a public football field or baseball diamond or on a blanket in the desert. The front or back seat of my Fleetwood Cadillac parked in the shadows of a deserted parking lot is always fun as well.
    Toys are fun and useful- I use them by myself and on/with partners and enjoy watching ladies bring themselves to orgasm with them. I always ask if I can "lick the spoon when they get done cooking". I love the taste of female cumjuice.
    I currently have no romantic life. That's one of the reasons I'm doing this.
    When I come I convulse as all the neurons in my brain and body fire simultaneously. I momnentarily stop breathing, and my heart pounds like a jackhammer. I have visions and hallucinations, see patterns and colors, that usually have something to do with this incredible spiritual-electrical energy force that is passing back and forth between me and my lover and radiating out from us to all living things and God Almighty.
    Of the choices you provided, while fucking I: a.) scratch, but very soflty, never leave marks of anykind, just gently rake my short-cropped fingernails over special parts of my lovers anatomy until I feel her shiver or raise goose bums. b.) talk dirty, but seductively, describe my lover's charms and pleasures to her as I am enjoying them, tell how good she smells, tastes, tell her how hot she makes me, lie to her about how is the most beautiful and sexy woman in the world and there aren't another three women combined I'd rather be with (a woman knows when I'm telling her naughty, sexy lies but she could care less because I lie real good!)
    c.) I only bite if the woman asks me to bite her but I never bite so hard as to leave a mark or cause pain (I do not engage in masochism or sadism- I believe that if a person needs pain to experience sexual pleasue &/or gratification that person is mentally deranged.) However, I often and regularly "nibble", especially the nipples, earlobes and clits. d.) moan (and groan) e.) go deep as I can in the vagina; deep as the woman desires in her anus; deep as she will take me in her throat.
    Two top fav positions are: 1) Woman laying on top of me 2) Woman sitting on top of me laying down
    I am available seven days a week between the hours of 7pm and 7am
    My email address is- My Facebook page is "John Dziduch". I will give you my phone number if: 1) you ACTUALLY look like the picture posted on this blogsite (or are hotter looking than this picture; 2) you send me an email requesting it.

    1. No one knows what The Slut looks like, unless you know me in real life. The girl that is the background of this blog is a deviant whom I requested the use of the picture. This picture is the perfect pin-up quality I wish I had. :)