Shy Dick

Shy Dick is the most embarrassing thing that can happen to a guy. (I'm guessing. I mean, if I were a dude, I would be ready to slit my wrists if I got a case of it.) Shy dick is the dick that just doesn't want to work. No matter what you do, it's just NOT HAPPENING. It could be awake and raring to go, but once you get it close to that warm whett home, it decides it's still sleepy and conks back out. There can be a bunch of reasons for this phenomena. Lets explore some of them now...

You have successfully bullshitted her into believing you are the MACK DADDY and can lay it down like a tile layer. She's there, under you, panting and moaning and ready. And it hits you. 'This bitch is out of my league. HOW am I going to pull this off?' Your junk shrivels in your hand as you are trying to get it in. She's too fucking hot for you. You know it, your little man knows it too. He's scared, he's playing shy because he's pretty damn sure she's had bigger, better and more beautiful. There's NO FUCKING WAY you are going to be able to pull off Don Juan with this one. How do you overcome this?? I am not particularly sure, but it would probably work if you look at her. Really look at her hard. She's GOT to have a few flaws. Maybe that one tooth that's crooked, or the dimples in her cheeks- her ass cheeks. Find a few of her flaws, make her human. Man, I am grasping at straws here. Close your eyes and picture an ugly girl. This is just a stupid part of the boy brain. Seriously. The hotter the guy is the whetter I get. Stop fuckin around. And if he's too hot for me?? Well.. I guess we'll discuss that when it happens... cause it hasn't yet.

You are at a party, beer bongs and beer pong and big boy whiskey. Chick is ON YOUR NUTS HARD. Every beer you down, she gets a bit more do-able. That horrific overbite straightens out, her unibrow gives her forehead definition, her extra 40 pounds makes her titties bigger. She makes her move, and even tho your buddies are standing behind her waving their hands and making the "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" face, you let her. She drags you into the bathroom and the glare of the white light off the gleaming tile snaps you into sobriety just enough to see what you are about to do... and your johnson not only gets shy, but crawls up inside you and threatens to run away if you try to force it in that. You COULD close your eyes and think of Jessica Alba, but it's too late now... Excuse yourself before you vomit and pray she just leaves the party.

Same party, later that night.... She's perfect through your beer goggles. Not too pretty, not too ugly, nice rack, tight ass and she's DTF. You take her outside, hot and heavy the second you are alone... gettin ready to get it in... and your peep is too drunk to fuck. So drunk it doesn't even want to throw up on this chick's face. There is no fix for this dude. You are SOL. You can't even try to sober up and expect it to help. IT DOESN'T.

So, my advice? Don't drink too much, don't do too many drugs, don't try to fit into the majors when you know you can only bat at a minors level. That's just a Slick Silly Slut's humble opinion...

*BSWK*