Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Varying Degrees of "NSA Sex"

I was recently talking to a guy about things going on in my life, when it dawned on me that some guys DON'T know the rules and guidelines to being a good benny. Since there are some people who aren't aware of this, maybe they don't know the subtle differences to bennies, buddies, and booty calls. So we'll go over this and the rules of each. We'll start with the lowest on the list here...

Booty Call~ Refers to the act as well as the recurring person. The actual call is normally placed between midnight and 3 am. Constitutes a request for a fuck. Usually met with exuberance and or glee. You converge, bang it out, and deuce up when it's over. In some cases, it does take some work on the behalf of the pursuer, to get to this point. There may have been long talks on the phone, thousands of text messages, lengthy facebook messages, maybe even a date or two. In others, it's just knowing a broad is down for it. She makes no bones about being okay with honest to fuck NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Find one of these, and it's like hitting the jackpot. In either case, once it has become booty call status, there is no unneeded conversations, there is no long phone time, or even surplus face time. Soon as the door closes, there's a mutual disregard to social niceties, and on to the fucking. There are NEVER presents, gifts or dates after it becomes booty call status. The ONLY time you see this person is to fuck. The only time you talk to this person is to set up a time/place to fuck.

Fuck Buddy~ A fuck buddy is someone who you hang out with, but aren't 'dating' them. You get together, watch a few movies, order pizza, play video games and fuck. You might even go to the bar with them, and chill for the evening. Yet again, every time you hang out with this person you fuck them. The difference between this and a booty call is that you do OTHER things and fuck. You don't hang out with a fuck buddy and NOT fuck. You call a fuck buddy between relationships, or when not looking for a new bedwarmer. You don't do lengthy phone calls, but you can talk on the phone. You still only hang out with a fuck buddy when planning to fuck. You don't do dinner dates at expensive restaurants, but stopping at McDonald's or BK and springin for a few burgers is okay. There are no gifts, unless they specifically pertain to the fuck part of your buddy. If you try appealing to the buddy part of your fuck buddy, that makes this something all together different, it makes it bennies, or friends with benefits. (Next section) Fuck buddies is still considered NSA, because it's a mutual understanding that at any moment one or both parties may fall out of buddy-ness. When this happens, it is to be met with a shrug and life continues.

Benny~ This is also known as Friends With Benefits (FWB). Bennies are *not* NSA. But most people like to pretend it is. It's kinda like dickin down your best female friend. She knows you. She knows your favorite shows. You bitch about work to her, and you tell her when things are lookin up. You hang out with her and you don't HAVE to fuck. You text her because you saw something funny and knew she would laugh too. There's no romance, there's no flowers, there's no gifts. (Except on birthdays and gift giving holidays. Typically with a $20 limit) There's no 'dating' -but there is a sense of comfortableness. It's like relationship-lite. It's for those people who have a fear of commitment, and would much rather "keep things casual" but know there's someone readily available for weddings/dinner parties/social events. Typically bennies are only fuckin one person. A type of 'break-up' is needed to end this arrangement. It's not a traditional break-up. This can also be handled by a slow weening off of sex with the other person.

I hope this clears up any confusion... but in case you are still perplexed as to if you fall into one of these categories, answer a few of these questions....

1.) Are you having sex with this person?
Yes. Proceed to question 2.
No. You are just friends.

2.) Do you only hear from this person in the middle of the night?
Yes. You may be a booty call, refer to next question.
a.) When they call/text, are they asking to come over to fuck?
Yes. This means this is a booty call.
No. Then why the fuck are they calling you in the middle of the night?!?!

No. Calls/texts in the evening.
a.) Are they making plans to hang out that evening or the next?
Yes. You are most likely a fuck buddy.
No. If they are calling to just talk and BS, you may be a benny.

No. Calls/texts any time day or night.
a.) Are you spending time together inside and outside of the bedroom?
Yes.
i.) Are you going to expensive dinner dates?
Yes. You're dating fuckhead.
No. You are probably bennies.

No, just inside the bedroom. You are probably a fuck buddy on it's way to benny.

No, just outside the bedroom. If you were sleeping together at one point, and are no longer spending time in the bedroom, you are going through a 'break' from a benny.

I hope that this insight has helped you classify your NSA arrangement. If you have further questions, I don't know what to tell you. I laid it out pretty cut and dry. You shouldn't be getting laid if you don't understand where you fit after this.

*BSWK*

8 comments:

  1. That sounded pretty dam accurate to me!! :/)

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  2. Always good to see the truth!

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  3. HA,so Luv the part at the end where u say "you shouldnt b getten laid if u dnt understnd where u fit n"! Tellen it like it is chick!!

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  4. Damn accurate. I tend to prefer bennies, although being the non-monogamous person I am there are rules about the fucking of other parties...basically 99% of the time fucking my benny, the other 1% is a little more interesting.

    Bennies sleep over. Fuck buddies and booty calls do not.

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  5. I am SO thankful for my fuck buddy! Very well written, and accurate to boot!

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  6. Sounds pretty accurate...Though its funny how you can go from Booty Call to Wife in the span of 9 months.

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  7. that was fkin ingenius! U rock women! xooxoxox

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