This is the time of year that I hate being single. Douchebag and I had years of traditions we observed every year. By this time, we would have our friends gathered in our home, and I would be pulling a smaller, turkey out of the oven. The spread would be laid out... and I left NOTHING to be desired, everything from scratch. Baked bread, 5 different pies, all the trimmings. It was our annual 'Thank God we can go back to normal' party. Music, cards, kids laughing... it was our non blood family, coming together to drink and be merry.
Now, here I am sitting in this house, alone. Not even my Buh here to watch TV with me. I haven't seen nor spoke to anyone in my family today. No one has tried to call me, no one has reached out to me. It's okay.. I guess I don't really need to be with anyone today... I don't want sympathy, I don't want anyone to feel bad for me.... I just want those who are alone too, to know there are others out there who are sitting on the couch, laptop fired up, watching pointless TV, being lonely too.
Tomorrow we would be putting up our tree, and I would be digging out hand made ornaments that would be between 20 and 5 years old. Listening to caroles and laughing together. Tomorrow I am going to sleep all day, get up, and sit here on my laptop, like I do everyday. I won't put up a tree, Sissy B will, but it's not going to be mine. It won't have traditional ornaments on it.
I spent a few hours with Lil Bit and her family today, it was a nice time. It was sweet of Buh's girlfriend's dad to invite both of us to dinner. Video games, food, a movie... Even a nap on the couch. But it wasn't the same. We dropped Buh off with Douchebag and my ex family-in-laws. Douchebag came outside when we pulled in. I hate even being AROUND that asshole. The things that have come from that vile mouth about me... Ugh. Then I came home to an empty house. Sissy B, Midget and the kidders are all at Sissy B's sister's house. Not sure when they will be home.
I've cried a few times since I have been home. I am not a creature of quiet. I am a social butterfly, and feel more myself when surrounded by people to cater to and perform for... ESPECIALLY during the holidays. Tomorrow I will be back to normal. I will be rough and ready with my thick skin firmly back in place. I just really miss having a family. I miss my mom, I miss the laughter, I miss a lot of things.
I absolutely ABHOR being lonely. Guess it's time to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
*BSWK*
Hey chick,
ReplyDeleteDon't ever let a douchebag make you feel sad or lonely or less than the truly gorgeous creature you are!
Alone time is fine if it re-energizes you to face the world with a smile but not if it makes you want to cry. I'm not doing turkey day either cos I'm not American but I know it's important to you guys.
If family isn't working for you then I hope ur able to have real friends u can reach out to today. If not take heart that there are literally thousands in FB land who adore you.
BWSK to u today and always xxx
Thank you Princess. That does help.
ReplyDeleteI am one of those Fans that adore you!!!!
ReplyDeleteHey gorgeous gal, Thanksgiving isn't an Aussie thing but I hear ya about being all alone of a day of tradition. Just keep on remembering how strong you have found yourself to be and don't give fucknuts the power to make you miserable. We all lubs ya out here in FB land. Stay stong and practice the flirt ;-)
ReplyDeletexoxox
Your public worships you ;) And I have read enough to know that a large bit of that public is made up of true friends that love you. No, it's not the same as a family by your side...but there are some sitting at their laptops staring at their screen just waiting for a word from you, and blog followers like me eagerly anticipating your next bit. Bask in your awesomeness and the fact that the douchebag can only fuck up your world every now and again instead of 24/7. You are adored!
ReplyDeleteThanks guys!!!
ReplyDeletei love you! i thought you were spending the day with lil bit so i didnt message you until later. i know it sucks this time of year, but you do a ton of people who love you. including this gal right here. <3
ReplyDelete