Adulation for the Lucid

I am not stupid. I know I come off as a little brain dead sometimes, but I always know the score, even when I try to ignore the game. Attempt to ignore the game is what I have been trying desperately to do. It's not working. I am failing miserably. It hurts, a little, but mostly it pisses me off. I know better than this shit. Did I see it coming? Yes. Did I know it was going to be right here pissed and irritated? Yes. Did I do one God damn thing to stop it? Nope. Not one damn thing. It's that stupid girl part of my brain. Hold onto fairytales, believe in love, unicorns shit butterflies and dicks taste like skittles. Fuck that. I hate that I have that little, bubbly, pink ribbon in her hair, BITCH in my head, encouraging me to go all out, put myself out there... SOMEONE will catch me. Lies. The bitch lies.

Thursday night, I called THE Boy. He informs me that not only did him and his girl split, but he wants to do something with me over the weekend. Can you hear the excitement in the typing? I thought I was going to DIE!! No bullshit, we weren't pullin punches. We've already discussed how if we were alone in a social setting, our actions wouldn't fall on the permissible end of things... Seeings how he was engaged and we were 'just friends.' I was geeked. We both knew damn good and well what was being thrown out there. After 17 years, we were going to put the other to the test... See who was going to cry for mercy first. He made sure he had my phone number again, and said he'd call me over the weekend. We bullshitted for some time, and he told me he was going on vacation for this week.

Now, I have never been the type of girl to sit by the phone for a guy. FUCK THAT! I like having messages. It makes a bitch feel important when she's got messages. Even when I had a cell phone (which I do not have, they get me in trouble) I would ignore calls on purpose so I had messages. So, sit by the phone isn't my thing. But I really didn't leave the house at all.. I didn't have plans or anything... Just sat here and did my thing. ALL WEEKEND. It's now Tuesday morning and I *still* haven't heard from him. These are the reasons I can come up with:

1.) Aliens have abducted him. He's in some parallel universe trying to find his way back to the here and now.

2.) He lost the piece of paper he had my number written on. (He also does not have a cell phone... also gets him in trouble.) He's spent the last few nights driving around town yelling "MARCO!!" on every block.

3.) I am not as cute/funny/sweet/fuckable as I thought. If this is true, he's the type of guy who wouldn't hurt me and tell me that's what it is, so he just pacifies me.

4.) He could also just be using it as an ego boost. Because let's face it.... If someone is fawning all over you, in that non-threatening I'm-not-a-crazy-stalker way, it boosts an ego.

5.) They got back together. An absolute possibility. But this one is more of one....

6.) They never broke up in the first place.**

I don't know if I completely buy that they split up in the first place. Call it, women's intu- no it's better than that... it's my Pimpsenses tingling. It feels like a half truth. Which is a strong game. You don't all out lie, you just twist the truth a bit. Most chicks buy half truths. They FEEL honest enough. Guys buy them because they think they are too damn awesome for a lil ole girl to get one over on them.

Since I have a pretty strong game myself, I smell it coming. Unless I don't want to. Ever since THE Boy found me in January I've debated game or truth?? I have to say, to keep me guessing, is some good fucking game. I don't WANT to believe it's all game. I want him to be honest with me completely... I'm a big girl, I can deal. But there's something OFF about the whole thing, and I think it's cause it's game.

Don't get things twisted. I am not devastated that it's game. Shit! If he thought he needed to run game, I feel a fuck ton of amazingsauce. I'd've fucked him without it tho. Honesty, people, honesty. MOST guys in my life know exactly how I feel about them. If I wanna fuck them, if I am cool with hanging out with them, if they are a friend, if they are a best friend, whatever. I'm completely honest with most of them. (No, not every single one of them, because you can't TELL someone you are runnin their ass... DUH!)

I guess I am just floating. Not banking on him calling me this week, and still up in the air about if I am going to call him at work next week. That's only fair right?? He ignored me... I can ignore him. But if he calls... I am fucking him like he's the last lay I will ever have. Once I am done with him, he's going to CRAVE me. That's what he deserves for this. ;)

*BSWK*