I have noticed a rash of the 'cougar.' Personally, this isn't something I would do, it's kinda icky to me... probably because I have a teenaged son. Nan agrees with me 110%. So, we've set up these guidelines for each other, keep in mind, we are in our early 30's. Feel free to live by our list... or add to it.
If he never learned the art of blowing on a video game cartridge to make it work... he's too young for you bitch.
If his main mode of transportation is a skateboard... he's too young for you bitch.
If he thinks Smashing Pumpkins is a prank played during the Halloween holiday season... he's too young for you bitch.
If he has to google Gargamel's cat's name... he's too young for you bitch.
If he doesn't "KNOW THIS MAAAN!"..... he's too young for you bitch.
If he doesn't get mad at you for calling Transformers: 'Go Bots'.... he's too young for you bitch.
If he watched GI Joe and thought that shit was a new idea.... he's too young for you bitch.
If he doesn't know who Camel Joe is.... he's too young for you bitch.
If he never pretended to smoke a candy cigarette -- WHEN THEY WERE CANDY CIGARETTES.... he's too young for you bitch.
If he doesn't remember when Mtv played music... he's too young for you bitch.
(For my Ohio girls) If he doesn't remember Sea World in Aurora... he's too young for you bitch.
If he ever collected Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, or Digimon... he's too young for you bitch.
If he can't tell time on a clock that has hands.... he's too young for you bitch.
If he thinks Garbage Pail Kids is a horrible news story from the inner city... he's too young for you bitch
If he thinks ABC and BBD could be new STDs.... he's too young for you bitch.. (and get yourself to the clinic.)
If he thinks Boys II Men is a euphemism for puberty.... he's too young for you bitch.
If he ain't down wit OPP.... he's too young for you bitch.
If he doesn't remember having to walk at least a block to his bus stop... he's too young for you bitch.
If he only remembers the R Kelly that is dumb enough to get stuck in a closet and likes peeing on people, instead of the R Kelly who didn't see nothin wrong..... he's too young for you bitch.
If he doesn't remember life before beanie babies... he's too young for you bitch.
If you have to explain to him that it's not a sex joke when you say "Where's the Beef?" .... he's too young for you bitch.
If he thinks Slimer is a new sex move... he's too young for you bitch.
If he never thought of himself as a Regulator... he's too young for you bitch.
If he never wished he was a lil bit taller, wish he was a balla, or wish he had a rabbit in a hat with a bat... he's too young for you bitch.
If he doesn't know that size matters because 'Now *THAT'S* a knife..."... he's too young for you bitch.
If he thinks Stabbing Westward is a fighting move... he's too young for you bitch.
If he thinks Johnny Cash wrote hurt.... he's too young for you bitch.
If he thinks Candlebox is a decorative place to keep your extra candles.... he's too young for you bitch.
If he doesn't know why 'you gotta keep 'em seperated!'... he's too young for you bitch.
If he thinks Henry Rollins is only an actor... he's too young for you bitch.
If he hasn't recycled 'It's Your Love,' and is a country boy.... he's too young for you bitch.
*BSWK*
LMAO! that was fkin hysterical! ;-)
ReplyDeleteyou make me laugh so hard I cry. Im 29, just got hit on by the 19 year old neighbor. He asked if I wanted to go out with him sometime. I said sure, if you can answer one question. I asked him what the connection between a pencil and a cassette tape was. He asked me "is that the thing that came before MP3?" I walked into my house laughing and shaking my head.
ReplyDeleteYa on the other end of that scale my rule is 30 yrs old. I'm 44 so I get tired of these damn 22 year olds coming up and acting like they are a woman. Have to tell them a towel won't dry the water behind those ears only time and experience. Later I'll get into the challenges of hooking up with women or a woman in my case (done with playing the field) that is 30 or older.
ReplyDeletelove it!
ReplyDelete'if he thinks smashing pumpkins is a Halloween prank' lmffao! I myself and 32, and my husband is 30. and even with such a small age gap there are some big differences.
ReplyDeleteI would like to add ~ if he was in primary school (grade 1-7) when you had your first kid - he's too young for you bitch!
LMFAO!!!!!!
DeleteOMG I just died laughing... I'm guilty of a few of these.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was 31 I had a booty call that was only 20 and a fuck buddy that was 22(just friends now lol). When I was 22 I had a bf that was 30. Just depends on who you click with, but I try to stay within 10 years either way.
U HIT A HOMERUN WIF THIS BABE!!!...ROFFLMBAO!!!...
ReplyDelete~ COL ~
Oh Slut, this is brilliant!! loved each line and yes it actually works for the other side too!! you should write a book <3 Floyd
ReplyDeleteLMAO. This is awesome. I'm 10 years older than my boyfriend - not old enough to be his mother but still - age only plays a part when he's acting like an immature ass. Otherwise, we click very well together. Still, I found this list hilarious - I'm gonna show him and see how incredibly puzzled his expression becomes. He he he
ReplyDelete