Xoxox love always,
Anonymous
My dearest little Deviant heart,
Do what you do baby. Sometimes we make sacrifices as mothers that our children don't need to ever understand, let alone know of. You are working to make things easier in the long run. Be proud and hold your head high that you have the guts to fight for that. Seriously honey... that's some big shit right there. I went back to school and had to quit because of my home life at the time, and I just haven't had the guts to go back to it. (I come from a rough background... I was always told I am too stupid to get through a 'real school.') And, working TWO jobs doesn't mean you are going to make all the bills. It DOES mean that your time with your family, namely the child you adore enough to kill yourself over, is practically nil. As any mother will tell you, this is a death in itself.
So this is my question to you.... If you could find one job that paid your bills, was fun, and you enjoyed yourself... would you have sent me this email at all? Probably not. I understand your dilemma... but is it leave-the-money-on-the-nightstand-I'm-getting-in-the-shower.... OR is it more like "Hey, I know you need your cellphone bill paid.... Here's the money for it...." and you just bang it out after? Really, that doesn't matter.... you wanna know what my best friend Nan says to me?? She has ALWAYS (since freshman year of high school) told me "You know, you should charge and stop giving it away for free... You can't always guarantee an orgasm, but you can guarantee payment." It's not like you are doing crack, it's not like you are slipping down some horrible slope to oblivion. You are doing what you gotta do to get what you're doing done.
Bottom line, stop shaming yourself. Get your education. In ten years is it really going to matter??
Probably not. <3
*BSWK*
times like this, i can really only say, no matter how tough things seem at present, if you can power through the struggle, and let it fuel you to make the situation better, it'll be much more rewarding in the end when things do pan out, you'll have more of a reward for having kept your head up high, and not caving in. no turning to hardcore drugs like cocaine, or offing yourself. for seeing it through, you'll look back and remember it as a phase that tested you to the fullest, you passed the trials, and you're stronger because of it. and because of that, you can do anything else that needs to be done.
ReplyDeleteXoxoxoxo sometimes we hav 2 make sacrifices in life that we believe is the best decision at the time. hind sight is a wonderful thing honey but its not just the right decisions in life that define us but the wrong 1s & what we learn from them that makes us the women we r. stop judging urself so harshly mate no 1 else's but ur own opinions about urself matter mate. Hold ur head high there r plenty of woman our there that give it away 4 a lot less. Ur child need neva no anything but the knowledge that mummy works very hard 2 provide because she lives them. i think it would b worse 2 b in a loveless marriage with a man that beats them & u have 2 put out with them just because u hav 2 & they pay the bills. this way the man is paying u 4 the privilege of ur company & u dnt hav 2 put up with all the other bullshit. no 1 is perfect we all do what we need 2 2 survive. take care xoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI have been there. when my son was small i contemplated being an escort but life changed very quickly and it didnt end up happening. however it did open my eyes to how many people suffer through this with the social stigma attached. nearly every girl i knew in the game was a single mum trying to get out of debt, or trying to provide a better life for her kids. there is no shame in that. the only ones who judge you are the ones who dont get you sweetie. there are alot more people out there than you would believe who have either done it or at least contemplated it. dont feel shame, feel strength in knowing that not only will it make you better off financially, but it will allow you to see the world from a whole new perspective. lots of love<3
ReplyDeleteGirl, hold ur head high. I wish i had the guts to do what ur doing for ur child. Its not shameful at all. Im a married woman of 4, and we barely get along financially. I have 2 men i fool around with and i often think about asking for money but im afraid to. You are an insperation to moms in my eyes.
ReplyDeleteBeen there and done that! No shame in your game, love, it's no one's business how you pay your bills unless they would like to pay them for you! You gotta do what you gotta do and the fact that you were willing to do just that, makes you a strong woman, whether you would like to believe that or not. You are not alone, don't let the stigma of what society tells you is acceptable drive how you live your life. This is exactly why as a person I have made the decision to NEVER judge someone, you never know their story or the circumstances that made them do what they did. Good luck, sister! Keep that chin up and quit being so hard on yourself, you are never alone.
ReplyDeleteDo 'you' first. Take care of yourself and your child.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your sexuality, don't be ashamed of it.
The world is built on capitalism - there's nothing wrong with both enjoying yourself sexually and having a utilitarian transaction because of it. That's a far more ethical means of paying the bills than the way Sears, Goldman-Sachs and Bank of America do it!
Don't beat yourself up, and don't feel like you have to please everyone. Own yourself, your sexuality and your strength. The prudes and the judgmental segment of society are irrelevant.
Girl, quit beating yourself up. You are taking care of you and yours and are not hurting anyone doing it. You aren't dealing drugs, stealing or sponging off your family. My husband told me once that all men pay for sex one way or another, and after thinking about it, I knew he was right. Be thankful that you have the opportunity to spend time with your boy and don't beat yourself. Keep your head held high and keep working for your future. And don't let people put so much pressure on you about college. Do it because it's what you want, not what your family wants. That sort of pressure can burn you out fast. Been there, done that. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteHEY GIRL, HANG IN THERE SWEETIE...YOU HAVE TO DO WHATS BEST FOR U AND UR SON...NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO JUDGE ANYONE...IGNORE THEM BABE...DONT BE ASHAMED FOR MAKING A LIVING FOR YOU AND UR SON, IT IS UR DECISION AND YOURS ALONE...ALWAYS WALK WITH UR HEAD RAISED HIGH AND FOCUS ON THE LOVING FUTURE THAT LIES AHEAD...REMEMBER WHAT "OUR SILLY SEXY SLUT" WROTE...IN 10YRS IS IT REALLY GOIN TO MATTER?...NOPE...AND IM SURE U ALREADY ANSWERED THAT....OXOXO
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